I have been together with my sons dad for 12 years on and off; he has always been verbally abusive but usually regrets it the next morning. I feel like though I put up with it, I am tempted to see, date and even cheat with another guy if he interests me enough; yet I'm concerned about messing up and about my kids. What should I do????
2007-08-07 15:07:27 · 19 answers · asked by nina91672 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't cheat. Your children shouldn't even be witnessing his cruelty towards you, but to cheat would be showing them more irresponsible behaviors to learn.
2007-08-07 15:11:27 · answer #1 · answered by comeundone4162 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I only read the first 16 answers and they all have very good advice. Please take the time and decide what you should do.
There were a few that advised you to go to counseling, which is a great idea, if he is willing to put out the effort. Most say you should leave him, which I'm in favor of you doing this also. Then there was one telling you to consider the children. To tell you the truth, they are frightend to death, when he is like that. You tell us that it is only verbally. There will come a time, when you least expect it, and "BANG" in the mouth with his fist. Sure it's only been with his mouth, but can you really be sure he won't snap and loose it completly, let's be honest now, the answer is no. One of these days he will snap, either he will hit the wall, window, table, but something, or someone will get hit, I just hope and pray to God it's not you or one of the boys. It will be better in the long-run if you left.
I was raised for seven years in a foster home, because my mother would abuse me and my six other brothers and sisters, with a broom stick. One night about 2:00 in the morning she, for no aparent reason she came in my two older brothers bedroom and started beating them with a broom handle. Of course my dad was not home at the time, he was working the night shift. I was 9 years old at the time, and I still remember it like it was yesterday, I'm 50 now. It had an impact on me for the rest of my life. It took me long time to settle down and realize that I would not be woken up in the middle of the night by getting hit.
Anyway, it's not " IF" he hits you and the boys it's" WHEN" he hits you or the boys.
I hope I help you make up your mind on what to do.
GOD BLESS YOU AND THE BOYS.
2007-08-07 22:59:53 · answer #2 · answered by xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want someone else then divorce him and then move on...
cheating isn't going to make things better. You are most likely going to find another man and start having both an emotional and physical affair and then when your husband finds out (which he most likely will) there is going to be war.
and in the middle of all of this will be your children.
if the marriage isn't working out then perhaps try some marriage counseling first to see if a third party can help you and your husband resolve your differences.
his verbal abuse to you is not healthy for a marriage and even worse if your children to hear also... he needs to get help for his temper.
in the end if the marriage is over then the relationship with divorce.
2007-08-07 22:26:15 · answer #3 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a tough one. your kids are still young, pretty much, on the one hand, but on the other hand, what are they learning from this? i have the same problem with my husband, but because of financial stresses, we stay together. and i take the kids aside once in a while and try and explain that what their father and i have is not really an ideal situation and it's not the norm to be abusive to your spouse. and, at least your husband is sorry the next morning - i never even get an apology. i've also learned to give it right back - maybe two wrongs don't make a right, but it does teach my kids that women aren't doormats. i know what you mean about meeting another person - you want to be treated nicely and feel about someone like you used to feel about your husband. well, it's not worth it, unless you plan on leaving the jerk - it's only going to make YOU feel guilty on top of everything else. good luck - i really empathize with your situation.
2007-08-07 22:17:02 · answer #4 · answered by magichorselover 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. A person may not visibly see the scars but they are most definitely there. He may express regret the next morning but the hurt is still there. I would not advise cheating on the bast--d but ask if he wants to get counseling if not maybe you want to separate from him. Get counseling for you and the kids because chances are he verbally abuses them too. Remember GOD is watching.
2007-08-07 22:21:19 · answer #5 · answered by blackpearl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think any educated person will read your question and say this:
"he has always been verbally abusive but usually regrets it the next morning."
ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS????
thats ok with you? As long as he "regrets" it the next morning??
Sorry, your problem is not your kids, its you. Dump the loser daddy and move on with your life. I'm sure your kids will forgive you in the future. After all, you did the right thing.
2007-08-07 22:12:35 · answer #6 · answered by collegeboy2178 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never cheat. It will only make things worse. If you're through with him, leave him. Think about what his actions are doing to your kids. Do you think they like hearing your husband talk to you that way? No woman should have to put up with abuse, verbal or physical. And he is hurting the kids too.
2007-08-07 22:13:47 · answer #7 · answered by Lizzie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is only going to complicate your life, not fix the problem with your husband, don't you agree?
Is this a revenge thing?
I mean seriously, either get some help with a counselor, or get a divorce, but you can't say "I cheated on you because you did this!"
You cheated because you wanted to. (if you went through with it) and blaming your husband is just shifting the blame from yourself, where it belongs.
I'm not saying what he does is right. But I am saying that you can't justify cheating because he is verbally abusive. They are two different issues entirely.
2007-08-07 22:13:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't cheat because that never solves anything. If you are unhappy don't stay with your husband. Your kids will see how unhappy you are and will end up being unhappy themselves. It might be hard for a while but leaving is probably the best thing you can do.
2007-08-07 22:12:58 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. The next day is too late. He should learn how to communicate with and appreciate you. A hateful word cannot be retracted. 12 years on and off... sounds like dysfunctional to me, your wasting your life.
If he can't respect you, send him packing. Don't do anything stupid that would impact your custody situation. start maintaining a log to assist you in the custody battle.
Good Luck, stand up for yourself and stop taking his crap.
2007-08-07 22:14:29 · answer #10 · answered by stoptheBS 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you already know what to do about the whole situation....but would this make you feel better in the end is the question...12 years is a long time but has it been a bad 12 or half and half...
2007-08-07 22:28:30 · answer #11 · answered by capricorn-saturn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋