Teen Trouble.....Any advice?

Question

I'm sure this isn't the place to post this question but I'm posting it here cuz this is where I hang out.
I have a 16 year old neice who is way out of control. To make a long story short she associates herself with people in gangs, she recently told me she didn't have to listen to me cuz I wasn't her parent & she takes advantage of & manipulates my 70 year old mother who's raised her since she was 2. Worst of all she is trying to get pregnant. I suggested placing her into a group home but a friend of the family thinks she may turn out worse.
I don't have kids of my own & I'm at my wits end as to what to do. Any advice?

You know what"grammer" person...you should learn how the hell to spell Grammar yourself!!!

I wish I could kick her out.

If I knew I wouldn't get in trouble I probably WOULD slap her...into next year...so I wouldn't have to deal with her crap.

Thanks Linda L. I'll look into that.

Her real parents have not been in her life since she was 2. They are both losers. Her real mom is in & out of jail, & her dad can barely even take care of himself. He doesn't even want anything to do with her.

Thanks Angelia...I will definitely look into that too.

Hahah!...The Maury show probably WOULD be the answer....lol.

Prayer Man...I did try to reason with her nicely, and I WAS caring and understanding and I have been there for her and given her my time but she continually defies me and I'm sick of it. At this point I don't care if I push her away and you bet I am angry with her because there is no reasoning with her angrily OR NICELY.
SOME kids these days just don't have respect and it's too bad that parents (or guardians) can't do more to discipline them without getting in trouble for it.
I've given her many chances to better herself and I've done it with all the love and care in the world but I'm washing my hands of her since she will not meet me halfway...Thanx for your advice everyone.

Answer 1

She will have to learn on her own. Best you can do is when she gets into trouble, do not bail her out. Let her take her lumps. She will see that the gang life is not the way.

Answer 2

From what you have said, your mom is probably an enabler and is too old to have to raise a girl this age. She needs someone who will make rules and enforce them through love and discipline. When my youngest son was 16, he decided to go to a girl's house who my husband and I knew had no supervision and was into drugs. I called the police and they brought him home. He knew that each time he tried to disobey us, the police would come and get him. He didn't try to go there again.

Then another time, when he got arrested for shooting firecrackers in a place that was a "No Firecrackers Allowed" area, he got to stay in jail for almost a week because we didn't get him out. He finally learned that we meant what we said and he is now 29 years old with a family of his own and doing great. He never got into trouble again. Kids just need to know that they are loved enough to be made to do what is right or else.

Answer 3

Hello, i am a teen and i can honestly say it is NOT drugs. The majority of teens that take drugs are just teens that have been brought up the wrong way there is no pressure at all to take drugs! If they take them its there own stupid choice! No one feels pressured to at all!!!! Sex - this would depend on the circumstances most of the time not pressured. A lot do feel pressured to have a boyfriend or girlfriend though. I would take that into consideration. Friends i think would be the main one, a lot of teens want to have more friends and they always want to keep up to date with friends and everyone wants to be in a good circle of friends. It can we a problem that most teens face. In order i would say FRIENDS Boyfriends/Girlfriends Sex Drugs anyway sorry if i have gone a bit off the question but i hope i have helped you! good luck x

Answer 4

Any kind of help you try to get her, she will take in a rebellious way, I raised 5 children and each one of them had some what of a stand off attitude, so the approuch you take needs to be with understanding where the problem actauly started, this didn't acure over one thing it is a build up of a lot of things, yes she needs help but your frushtration with her will only push her away. It may be a good idea to seek someone that both of you can get involved with, this will also teach you how to handel the issues as they acure and show her she is not alone in learning how to deal with things( it shows you care enough to go through it with her) and that may be her problem, she may think no one realy cares. I can't tell you where to get help because everyone is not the same any everyone won't actcept help in the same way, it could be perfestional help, help from a church leader or boot camp, all I do know is trying to reach her out of anger won't help and any help you do get her it helps to have someone like you to go through it with her, at this point she will need a strong leader in her life because no matter what help she gets, when the program is over she can fall again and she will need someone she can trust to go to, if you go through it with her it shows you care and you can learn a lot on how to handel it latter, they do have programs at a lot of churches and maybe she can make new friends there and get involved with some teen programs, what ever you do lead her into it with love and care not anger, show her that you are there for her and you are willing to give up your time to go through it with her, it will help her to stick with it.

Answer 5

You can have her placed in juvenile detention if she is being noncompliant with the rules. If you fear for her safety or your family's safety, she can go there. A group home is an option and it's not necessarily a bad option. My suggestion would be to contact an adolescent caseworker or probation officer in your county and find out what your options are with your niece. Try calling your local police department to see if they can give you the names of some local caseworkers or probation officers in your area. If they can't, ask them who you should talk to get that information.

Another option would be to have her evaluated at a mental health clinic in your town. Look up mental health clinics in your phonebook and call around to find out if they have any therapists that specialize in working with teenagers. Even if none specialize in working with teenagers, any therapist can work with her. The therapist can also help you decide what would be appropriate treatment for her. Good luck and hope this helps.

Answer 6

It's so hard to deal with teens when they think they are so smart, but really have no idea what life is really all about. I kind of feel like if they are so hardheaded that maybe it's better if they live on there on so they can really see what the world is all about. Sorry I can't help anymore than this. I had teens once and they are very hard to deal with at times, but my kids turned out alright once they saw the light.

Answer 7

If she was mine I would make her stay home period, if she leaves you call the police and let them drag her back home. Make her go to counseling so a counselor can make her understand the path shes on is the wrong one, sending her away isn't going to solve anything she might think you have given up on here and don't care. I don't know what state you live in but here in NY we have a program called P.I.N.S ( persons in need of supervision ) its for people under 18, its just like probation and if your child doesn't listen and follow the rules of your home she will have to go to court and answer to the court. It may be something for you to look into. Contact your local probation department

Answer 8

Taking advantage of a 70 year old is just too far. I suggest military school. She sounds way too out of control. More than me, I'm 14. Whatever you do... DON"T SEND HER TO BOARDING SCHOOL. It's just a chance to have more fun and have a better chance of getting pregnant. BAd idea. Seriously, send her to a phycologist. If she doesn't shape up in two weeks, military school. Good luck.

Answer 9

Where are her Parents? and who else could help you make sure your mother is not taking advantage of----If it was me and my siblings(her parents) were not in the picture-I would call the state and see if they could show her what could happen to her if she continues with the way she is.....Sometimes they have programs that put a teen with another teen that did have a child or who went to jail and it shows them what will happen and they learn it from a peer

Answer 10

Your neice needs intervention. Here is a list of places you can call where there might be someone more knowledgable on the subject then we are.

http://www.helpingyourchildren.com/National/help.html

Good luck and I hope you can get some help for her.