i been married 15 yrs and my husband lies about everything.im wondering if he is lying about loving me. i took vows and really love him. i do everything for him. he supports me financially but thats it. i know he isn't cheating, but this constant lying is getting to me. i have spoken to him a million times about it and he tells me he will stop but hasn't. what do i do? im so naive i thought he would really stop. what kind of love and trust is this? will he ever stop. i was believing everything he said and then i catch him in the lie. should i send him to a pych dr, or what? please help as im so depressed and constantly crying.
2007-08-07 12:53:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think some of the people answering are really reading what you wrote. You said he lies about EVERYTHING correct? This is a really bad sign ... I answered a question similar to this awhile back ... I have experienced this first hand ... here's what I wrote:
Wow ... I am having de-ja-vu. Let me tell you something you REALLY need to understand. Your husband is what we call a "pathological liar". This is a mental illness. I know because my ex-husband was one. Pathological liars CANNOT stop lying (even if they say they can OR say they want to). Their brain has been basically "re-wired" to lie ... it is out of their control and they are rarely able to change. Another thing they do is treat you badly or "disrespect" you because they try to mentally beat you down so you feel so badly about yourself that you stay with them or think it's actually your fault. It is NOT!
After I got rid of that loser, I went to a counselor to get some help and to try and figure out why an intelligent woman like myself ever married such a jerk. It is because they are really "good" at what they do. They lie so often and so well that they actually start to believe their lies. This makes it harder for people who love them to either want to believe or realize they are lying.
The REALLY bad news is ~ Even if a pathological liar WANTS to change it is almost impossible to do so. The success rate at ever curing a pathological liar is about 6%!!!!!!! Yep ... 6% means basically that once they are pathological they can never be truly cured. Their lying is an addiction in THE worst form.
How many times are you gonna let him lie to you before you get out of this relationship? You've spoken to him a million times so obviously a million and one times isn't going to work. It has nothing to do with you really (or love and trust) ... you must understand that ... pathological means it's "mental" and he may NEVER be able to help it for the rest of his life. Don't waste anymore time ... if he hasn't stopped it by now ... he never will. Living life depressed and constantly crying is NO way to live. You should go to a psychologist yourself and get stronger and move on with your life. Find a guy who isn't mentally ill ... and be happy!
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2007-08-07 13:17:30 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's the one who opened this whole can of worms by doing what he did. In doing so, he broke your trust in him. Now it's up to him to earn it back if he expects anything to ever go back to somewhere close to where it once was. Part of earning that trust is answering questions put to him by you about anything and everything. As soon as he ducks a question he is making it worse for him because it looks like a lie all over again and it does nothing as far as you building faith back in him. Next time don't beat around the bush, tell him if he expects to regain any trust from you he is going to have to be more forth right in his answers. Without being so, that he is driving another nail into the coffin of your marriage rather than being open for full disclosure. What is happening is up to him, and what does he want?
2016-05-21 02:17:30 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is a chronic and compulsive liar, he obviously cannot stop no matter how much he promises you. I would think he needs some kind of help, as compulsive or obsessive anything, including lying, sounds like an illness. I'd let him know that from now on, after 15 years of catching him in countless lies, that you just don't believe anything he says to you anymore. And although you feel bad that your marriage has to be lowered to this level of mistrust - it is because of his choice to continue lying to you that you cannot trust him ever again. And you shouldn't. If he won't go to a doctor - I think YOU should consult one and see if you can find out how to handle a compulsive liar and if there is any hope for him.
2007-08-07 13:32:18 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why is he lying? does he not trust you enough to tell you the truth? is this something new? or has he always been like this?
(these are questions to ask yourself)
I def recommend seeking counseling b/c he isn't changing...perhaps he just doesn't know how to do it b/c he has lied soo much it comes out natural for him.
Find a counselor asap
good luck
2007-08-07 12:58:24 · answer #4 · answered by SUNSHINE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you crying. What is he lying about...whats for dinner, where he likes to eat what? You say he isn't cheating and he brings home the money...what else is there to lie about...
2007-08-07 12:57:11 · answer #5 · answered by Brian M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How on earth do you know he isn't cheating? My husband was the same (big liar), I thought the same, turned out he'd been cheating on me all along. Are you sure you're not just burying your head in the sand? A guy who lies is a guy who lies, full stop.
2007-08-07 13:00:48 · answer #6 · answered by clio 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
'he supports me financially but thats it'
Don't take such a casual attitude about this as if it's your God-given right to live off this man's labor. He shouldn't lie but you should absolutely respect his working, and if you don't you should be willing to go out and earn money and experience all the nasty things associated with making a buck.
2007-08-07 13:00:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
hun i guess it deoends what he is lying about i mean sometimes i tell little white lies to my husband just to aviod arguing but if hes lying about serious issues thne i think you def need to tell him he needs to stop and how much its hurtign you but if its over stupid things it just might be his way of avioding an argument and i wouldnt take it personally just try to ignore it and not let it bother u too much he prolly isnt doing it to hurt you. but like i sais its different if its over big things.
2007-08-07 13:09:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
These jerks dont understand how much it hurts us when they lie to us....I too have been married 15 yrs. I have caught him lying to me about things and it makes me wonder......if he lies about this,what else is he capable of lying about?
2007-08-07 12:59:31 · answer #9 · answered by mariah-cali 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He who has nothing to hide hides nothing. You can't change anyone but yourself. If he doesn't want to change, he won't. If he'll lie about the little things, he'll lie about the big ones. This would be a deal-breaker for me.
2007-08-07 12:57:46 · answer #10 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋