What do you think of this poem i wrote "the key to the girl inside"?

Question

please dont take this and claim it as your own...thank you
i just want to know what people think:


My days of being dazed
are over
i cant pursue
who i long to be
without dumping the old me
I have subsequently
consummated that
the person i was
is in the past
and was not even
the practical me
It was the girl
who did things
because of the influences
surrounding her
The new girl
that has emerged
is the true girl
that had been locked inside all along
waiting for her to encounter the key
and that key she had been longing to find
was waiting right there
because the key
was the willingness to accept the person you are
no matter who stands in your way

Answer 1

that is really good, great choice of words. I can totally relate to this = ]

Answer 2

Okay...here is where I get to be unpopular...I understand your concept, and although it is not necessarily new, it has potential. However, here are a few things that you could do to improve it. For starters, lengthen your lines. Your short lines break up lines unnecessarily. Remember, line breaks have a purpose. Unless you are using them to keep a particular form, you should use them to tell us where to pause or breathe. Now, take a look at your lines...read them out loud, but pause at every line break...do you really talk like that? I didn't think so. Also...here's the really tough part...your poem amounts to this:

"My days of confusion are over, I finally realize that I wasn't being the person I really was, and I now understand that the key to being who I really am was inside me all along." ...that's it...not that it's bad, but it isn't much to work with...so what you need to do in such a circumstance is the opposite of what you did: you need to write a very short, tight, conise, insightful few lines that put that into a nutshell...instead of drawing it out long past its usefulness. Also, "consummated" doesn't work the way you've used it...look it up, be careful of malapropisms, they make you lose credibility.

You don't need to write a fortune cookie saying, but the real poem that you need to write is only about 4 lines long...maybe 8...tops. It's those poems that stick in your mind, because they say so much with so few words. The good news is that you've already done the hardest part...you've started :)

now keep writing

Answer 3

You are very talented. I really enjoyed this poem. You made it your own and you made it stand out, which is why I enjoyed it so much. Keep on writing, because you have a great future ahead of you. I believe in you, and you can go a long way. Keep your head up and let no one stop you from pursuing your best. This is good work and I would love to read more. You're definitely a shining star.

Answer 4

I like how you use long words, it's definitely not a simple poem. So much underneath...good job.

Answer 5

like how you use long words, it's definitely not a simple poem. So much underneath...good job.

Answer 6

The caterpillar became a butterflied
The child girl now is a girl.