How do you forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made?

Question

I've been really down on myself lately for all of the ways that I fail. If you genuinely try to be good, how can you not be discouraged when you fail to meet your own ideals?

In response to the example of children learning to walk, my mom says that I had a toy that would allow me to hold on while I walked behind it and I used it until I was sure I could walk on my own without falling. She says I only fell maybe one time after I started to walk on my own.

It was not my mother who instilled this in me... they did have high standards, but did not berate me or punish me for failing, etc. I think that I have a natural predisposition for perfectionism if the walking situation is any indication....

Answer 1

Brilliant question. Too often we are the most harsh on ourselves, we can forgive and love anyone and everyone but our own selves. It is you who has to love you and put yourself first. If you can not forgive and accept yourself, how can anyone else? You lead the way, you set the example. Then and only then, will you feel content and accept yourself and love yourself, and that love will be in your aura, and emanate all around you. You must have that self acceptance in order to have a balanced and content life.

Answer 2

It appears that you tend to be your worst enemy, you must face the fact that there will be mistakes made and that, at more that one time in your life foolish decisions as anyone else has and will do in their lives.

I am my worst enemy, and when I do something that I can't look at myself in the mirror, I try to remind myself that I must move on in my life and try to make good what I do after a new day or week starts.

Nobody is perfect and try to do our best. Being discouraged sometimes is normal and I hope we can improve where we fail.

It is when we don't fail is when all of the discouragements no longer matter.

Good luck and take care.

Answer 3

What kind of mistakes have you made?What I'm learning is depending on the type of mistake you make,some are quick to recover from some are long term.If it's towards an individual, I explain why I did It , now I realize It wasn't for the best and apologize. Accept, I made a mistake and how will I better handle the situation next time.

Answer 4

We all make mistakes, that is part of life. Learn to accept that. You have to. Also, maybe reexamine what really matters. Are you failing at something that is really important, or just silly things. I have done some horrible things in my life, but I can't fix them now, I can only move forward. Living in the past instead of the present doesn't help me or anyone.

Answer 5

It is a normal human reaction to feel discouraged when you fail to meet your own expectations, especially when those expectation that you're putting on yourself might be unrealistic.

If you did the best you could, it would be unrealistic to be disappointed in yourself for not doing better.

Holding a resentment against yourself (which is what happens when you don't forgive yourself) isn't productive. You are beating yourself up for something that isn't your fault.

If you are disappointed in yourself, in general, make a list of what you need to do to improve yourself in those areas. Then, act on it & start on a new adventure of self-improvement.

Answer 6

Mistakes are normal. However, if a person is the child of a verbally abusive parent, especially an alcoholic, then the tendency is to grow up striving for unattainable perfection. Try the book, "The Courage to Heal".

Answer 7

It sounds as though you were brought up by control freaks who taught you that making mistakes was a bad thing. Of course, that is ridiculous, since the only way we develop and advance as human beings is by learning from our mistakes, and you can't learn from them if you don't make them. It is also possible to learn from other people's mistakes, such as those who were down on you for failing. Maybe their goals for you, and your goals for yourself, were too extreme. The way we can really achieve our ideals is gradually, like the tortoise, not by trying to jump to the finish line arrogantly, like the hare.

Have you ever watched babies learning to walk? They fall down over and over again, but don't get discouraged, and certainly don't feel they have anything to "forgive themselves" for. They just pick themselves up and keep trying till they get it. You learn to walk by walking...badly, until you can do it well. You learn to talk by talking...badly, until you can do it well. Shaming a child would be child abuse. Shaming yourself is self-abuse.

Answer 8

We are humans,we are not ideals going about looking for embodiment.As humans,we are frail and we make a lot of mistakes.An ideal is a perfect set of circumstances and this is an imperfect World.There are no perfect circumstances.

I forgive myself constantly,because I am not strong enough to bear the weight of my mistakes.Criticism tends toward bitterness and death.Forgiveness tends towards happiness and life.I choose life over death,so I forgive myself.

I acknowledge my faults and I know that they are more than I can handle.I am not in control of all things,I am just living my life as it comes to me.

Answer 9

When I failed, I would try to find out what weaknesses I had that made me not sucessful and try to improve/avoid them. No one was born perfectly successful, remember that.
The more you learn from your mistakes, the stronger/experienced you became in life. I believe next time when the same things happen to you, you will be successful dealing with them and the results will come out the way you wanted them to be.
Be strong and believe in yourself. You will make it!
Cheers :-)

Answer 10

I always reflect on the good that I have done. Most of the time I just look forward. You can't live in the past. Just say to yourself, look to the future. If you keep looking back you'll never be able to move forward. The past is forgotten the future is now!