My brother and sister in law had their first child prematurely at 24 weeks. They named her Anabelle Grace, and she was absolutely gorgeous. However, she only weighed 11oz, and passed away after 3 rough days (last Friday). Of course im sad about it, because it was my neice, but thats not what im asking about. Im wondering how i face my bro and sil. I dont want to smother them, but dont want them to feel isolated either. I feel so akward around them because i dont know if i should talk about her, or try to keep their minds off of her. What do i do?
2007-08-07 11:50:31 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
You dont need to bring up the subject. At least i wouldn't. I would just let them know that you are there for them, and if they need anything at all you will be there.
They are obviously grieving, and that takes time. There will be a day when they will start talking about the loss of their daughter, where you wont feel awkward.
Im sorry to hear about their loss.
2007-08-07 12:03:09 · answer #1 · answered by ツ Connors Mommy ツ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad. My sister lost a son at 21 weeks and it was so very hard on her and her husband, but alos on myself and other siblings as we are all very close. But even though we ARE very close, we had no idea how to handle it either. We just let her know we were there for her and made sure that if she ever wanted to talk about him, that we would be there (although all she wanted to do for months was cry on her own). We also made sure we did her shopping and picked her other son up from school as she couldn't face the people in our town after losing him...especially the ones that asked her why she wasn't fat anymore...wasn't she pregnant? Some people have no idea!
Just be there for her..even now 2 years later we are there if she wants to talk about him. She has gone on to have another child and is very happy about that but nothing will ever replace Jesse in her heart.
2007-08-07 19:06:14 · answer #2 · answered by West Aussie Chick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my God, that is so horrible. I think the best thing you can do is TELL them that you are there for anything they need, you can just be there to help out with housework or drop off some meals for them, but after that, don't try to make them talk about anything they're not ready to. Even if they refuse the help, you can always take home some laundry or anything that you can imagine YOU wouldn't want to have to deal with during such a tragic time. I'm so sorry for their loss....
2007-08-07 18:57:13 · answer #3 · answered by Amanda L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Please don't be afraid to mention their child. The worst fear of a parent who has lost their child (sadly I've buried two children for two different things) is to feel their child is forgotten or never mentioned. Little things mean a lot. Someone gave me a charm with my babies birthstone...it was an angel. Another gave me a jewelry box with her name engraved on it. Little things. You can't keep their minds off her even if you tried. And nothing you may say is going to upset them more. They may start to cry but that's because they are thinking it...in the end it will give them much comfort to know that you took the time to talk to them about her.
2007-08-08 02:47:17 · answer #4 · answered by terrie0617 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let her know that you are there for her for anything, at anytime. Let her know how deeply sad and sorry you are for their loss. Then give her some space. They need to grieve as a couple. At the same time, don't just "ignore" their baby's death as if it never happened (trust me, a LOT of people do this!).
A very dear friend of mine went through this, and told me I was the only one who actually acknowledged her dead son as being her child. Not just saying sorry, and ignoring it as if it didn't happen. She said it meant so much to her.
Just tell her how much you love her, then check on her and let her talk about it as often as you feel is adequate in being there for her, but also giving her space.
I am sorry for your loss of a niece also......
2007-08-07 19:01:35 · answer #5 · answered by Mel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lost my nephew when he was two.It is very hard a devastating time for the entire family just be there for them in any way you can let them bring the subject of Anabelle up and just listen and remember the one thing they need the most is family support and for everyone to treat them normal and be their selves.
2007-08-07 18:59:47 · answer #6 · answered by Beckles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My condolences to the both of them. It is a hard thing to deal with, I know, first hand. My first wife and myself lost our beautiful baby girl just 1 day before her 4th mo. If it hadn't been for my very good friends I would not be here now. Just show them your support by helping them cope with it their way. They will want to talk to you in their own time so just be patient. I can offer some healing process if you like just email me or I'm anytime.
2007-08-07 19:04:45 · answer #7 · answered by woodstockb42001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly- listen for their cues. Bring food so they can have some time. If they want to talk- talk with them. If they cry- let them. Make sure you talk to your brother too- sometimes people forget the daddy's need someone to listen.
I am so sorry for the loss of your family.
2007-08-07 19:13:21 · answer #8 · answered by NY_Attitude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to them and let them grieve. You can't say or do anything to lessen the pain, all you can do is give them your love. Do anything you can to help them with daily things (laundry, meals, errands), so they can just focus on healing. It will take a while for them to feel even a little back to normal, so let them grieve in their own time and in their own way.
2007-08-07 18:59:46 · answer #9 · answered by parental unit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It might be a difficult thing to ask initially, but I would ask them what they would like...would they like to talk about it, would they not like to talk about it? Would they like someone around, would they like to be left alone? Tell them that you really don't know what to say or do, but that you sincerely want to be there for them. At least you are upfront with them and you only have to go throught this awkwardness once.
2007-08-07 18:58:17 · answer #10 · answered by iamcp 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋