Child Visitation question...I'm the Mom and I think I'll get screwed.?

Question

Okay so my ex & I split up, we have three children together. He fights me tooth & nail to have the kids 50/50 but mainly because he doesn't want to help me out with anything. I buy all their clothes, shoes and even get our son's haircut cause if I ask him to do it he says he doesn't have money. Well I'm currently in school & last semester he took them on tues/thurs. & everyother weekend well now he will not do it for me this sememster, he says too bad that I need to deal w/ the kids on my own if I'm in school the nites I have them. He will not be flexible at all. There is no court order & Im scared to petition to go to crt. bcuase he works when he wants w/ his dad's co. & was recently on UIB. I make way more money then him & run the risk of having to pay his sorry a** but he's so hard to deal w/ I think I just need to take him to crt. Is it wrong for me to ask him to switch days? it's not like he's doing n e thing n e way. I'm finishing school to provide better for our kids yet

he doesn't see that. He's just being mean. I would so do it for him, if he was doing something important. I also provide all the insurance for the kids & pay alot for it. I'm just scared to bring the courts in & them me get screwed in the end having to pay him but I can't deal with it anymore. What should I do? I also hate being away from my kids so much. His family is the one that takes care of them as he lives with his parents, he doesn't even do it. I'm so angry right now. Should i just serve him with papers or is that wrong? should tell him I'm going to do it??

Answer 1

Well I feel you need to think about it for a minute ,what's best for the kids? One factor that is needed is a happy care taker that being you ,a happy mom, and you can't be that person you need to be for you or them until you take care of yourself first then you can BETTER take care of your kids ,and right now you are unable to do this because you have so much on your plate . So take him to court with you doing everything alone and he won't change his days at least, then forget him his *** could at least pay for child care if he won't do it for his own kids. He is an able bodied person who is using a piece of job as a scape goat because if that job is not helping him provide anything for the kids then he needs two or three ,a real man or father couldn't hold his head up knowing he has responsibilities and parts of his own flesh and blood in the world with needs he could fulfill with just a little time. With you going to school and to work and haicuts groceries, buying clothes and washing the clothes you buy theres, school clothes ,and shoes lights ,water, transportation and gas is as high as the car note. Maam you need a break for you and them . What I meant by you not being able to be the person you need to be is when the last time you were able to lay in a dark quiet room and listen to slow music with scented candles and do nothing but rest for an hour, or take a long hot bubble bath with no one knocking on the door screaming mommy, before you finish washing ? With his help you would get just a little down time and would be better when you not tired and stressed and aggrivated with him or school or work or active ,busy kids . Tell yourself he's not a part of the solution so he must be a part of the problem! Everything you wrote will help you and the money won't matter because there is nothing thats stopping him from making more money or giving more time with that sad job situation he can do whatever he sets his mind to look at all you do in a days time so tell them if he can't pay ,what stops him from taking the kids himself which will cost him nothing . Ask the court why should you a mother ,student, a woman and all the above have to take all the responsibility for the well being of your kids just because you make more money .I believe you would win if you take him to court .Since he is their father if he won't pay for child care he can be child care and spend some much needed time with his kids !! I hope this helps and remember just like when you were pregnant , a happy, healthy, stress free mommy means, happy, healthy ,stress free babies . Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Unfortunately, relying for your state, not anything will occur. There is NO ENFORCEMENT towards ladies whilst they're discovered in contempt of court docket. The father has to hold to pay youngster help and the mum will hold not to enable the youngsters to discuss with. Nothing alterations. Heck, they do not even do some thing approximately moms who do not pay court docket ordered youngster help. The simplest manner you get that's if she dies and also you sue the property (if she has any) for arrears. In different states, a well legal professional might have all of the documentation and demand at the father receiving complete custody due to the fact the mum is in contempt. That is what SHOULD occur - if she isn't liable, then the youngster must be cared for through the extra liable father or mother. Doesn't occur in my state (MN). The mom would be a drug addict and at great, the case will likely be persevered. Basically, if the youngster is unhurt, mother continues custody till youngster is historical sufficient to mention in any other case. Until extra fathers get after legislatures to get a few punch into father's rights, this may increasingly hold to occur.

Answer 3

You probably will get screwed. You are asking the courts to set a schedule according to what you need and they may not do that... because he can always come up with a reason why he needs the days he has. Sounds like a waste of money to me.

Personally... you are lucky he is there as much as he is. Too many fathers just up and have nothing to do with their kids. You are the one who has a job and still wants to attend school. That is your choice and you have to live with that. This is what happens when people split up. He can't make you do anything and you can't make him do anything.

And you are right.. if time is 50/50 and you make more money you could end up paying him support for his time with the kids, unless you think he'll agree to waive it, but I don't see that happening.

Answer 4

If you make way more money than he does, do not go back to court. Your fears are real. You could end up paying him. I think you should find a high school or college student who is willing to babysit for you and use child support towards it. Maybe work a deal with someone at your school where you type their term papers in return for babysitting, etc. Do you have any relatives that could babysit? Use your creative mind. Is there a widow in your neighborhood who would sit a few hours? Your ex sounds jealous of you and your education. He would look better to your kids if he showed himself as supportive and he's too stupid to realize that. Keep track of all of this so that IF you ever have to go to court, you can prove all the hardships you had to get through to get your education and care for your children. (What about the grandparents? Would they babysit? Ask. This benefits their grandkids.) Good luck.

Answer 5

first of all your doing the best you can with what you have!!
your a great mother and you will get through this
this guy seems like a some one i used to know
my ex take him to court do not tell him you are going to do
it you dont have to be rich to do it either contact your local court house and ask for information about the prosae office as for child care reach out for help from your local cummunity office
i am sure you have one! dont feel guilty for anything and when you go to court you will need reciepts of everything you pay
if you dont have them start saving them even bank statements
of health care, rent, clothes, shoes, food everything
when you go to court show the judge this
be for you go be prepared for the worst so if your doing anything you should not be stop now but know that you have allot on your side just the fact that your the mother
the court will make him pay child support if he says i dont a job they will make him get one or else?? and the court will set up arrangements for visitation
you might have to put your school on hold for one semester but in the end you & your kids will benifit and he will no longer have a hold on you dont stress out to much

Answer 6

Sounds like my situation, though, I only have 1 child with my ex, and for 8 years she's been trying to get as much money from me as she can from me. First off how old are both of you cause you both sound young as it seems his way of thinking is very immature. The end result is unavoidable as this looks like a precursor to a much bigger problem because, once you file he will fight you tooth and nail...maybe, depending on courts and him as well. My suggestion is talk, try at least. Explain to him the statistics on paying child support and since you seem level headed and not like some gold diggers I hear around here who like to take advantage of the system by trying to sponge off the governments programs, you can convince him you aren't out for his money and that you really need some honest help. He seems really immature and its sounds like a vengefully way of getting back at you for whatever reason u guys split up for. If he can help by getting a job and is capable the courts may order him to. If he is in school , depending on the judge , you might end up paying him, but not much. The best thing to do is file a motion with the court for Joint Custody. I had to so to keep my ex from playing games, it helped, but now my ex is trying to alienate my kid against me. neways, the point is is if you file, you will get sent to a mediator to try and work it out and maybe come to a conclusion on which times are best for the children. I hate to see children in this sorta of predicament, its heartbreaking that children have to go through this....and I'm a guy!

Answer 7

Take him to court and get full custody so he can pay you child support. Allow him visiting rights outside the court on your terms if he don't want to oblige then he don't want his kids. Plain & simple. If he only works when he wants to you can use that in court to prove he can't handle the kids, on custody terms. When he gets himself a sturdy job you can get in contact with the local D.A. and they will have a court evaluation of his income. Thus the child support increasing every 5 years.
To more directly answer your question no it is not wrong for your to ask him to change days. He is still mad over the break-up and wants to make it as hard on you as he can. He needs to realize that his actions are not hidden, even if you do not fight infront of your children. His actions will be played out in your emotions and your children's ever changing schedule.

Answer 8

Speaking as a man that has three kids...what the hell is wrong with your ex-husband? If it were me I would be more than happy to have the kids every single day. Thankfully my wife and I have a great marriage, but if we did, for arguments sake, split and she needed help, I would be more than happy to. Whatever would give me more time with my children. He could have it much worse, like hardly any time with the children at all. I hate to say this because I believe men SHOULD have as much time with the kids as the women...but play hardball and take his *** to court.

Answer 9

It's none of your business what he's doing on those days and it's very wrong of you to assume that what you are doing is more important than what he is doing. If he says he can't take them, then that's your problem to deal with. If you don't like it, then go to court and get legal papers, which you really need to do anyway, since there's nothing stopping him right now from taking the kids one day and never bringing them back.

Answer 10

girl let me tell you something you are holding all the cards and you don't even no it,, first things first,, you need to keep records of all conversations all visits all money that is spent, and receipts, be sure to keep all receipts start a folder because yes you are going to half to take him to court don't be scared of the bullie i was there and believe me the bark is worse than the bite, you see it doesn't matter what you make well it does but he still has to pay his part half medical half the happy meal half the school supplies half school clothes half of every thing now you may get a judge who is alittle slack on the fathers, but hopefully not, so the # one thing is keep records of every thing that speaks louder than word,, every thing down to the grocery's EVERY THING, good luck