long term marriages,how does it work?

Question

I just tuned into this form, and i already see alot of questions about how to stay in a marriage because she or he is bored or not feeling the same anymore. i will share some of my suggestions but i like to hear some of you experiances. first of all marriage is a 50/50 deal, there must be give and take. respect each other is a must, communication always, have lots of sex this is a reflection on all the above, stay in shape and compliment each other, its ok to check other girls or guys out its only normal ! for good sake that how i found my wife in the 1st place

Answer 1

31 years- and both daughters are now out on their own--your marriage "challenges" change as the years go by. We are now empty nesters--and must adapt to having more time for eachother........anyone who says staying in a long term marriage is easy is lying their *** off, it's harder than raising children. You have to constantly keep reminding yourself of what you saw in that person 34 years ago that made you want to marry them....you have to appreciate and acknowledge that both of you have changed- both for the better and the worse....and life isn't meant to be a storybook- like Ron and Nancy Reagan's life---talk about a fairytale!!!! Getting over money issues, parental issues and sexual issues are the mountains that each marriage has to climb. Along the way, there is also the little green jealousy issue that pops up when one of you are feeling insecure, and will your partner squash that monster like a bug or will he feed it?

Judging by the amount of divorces just in the US on a yearly basis, the census shows that most marriages fail within the first 5 years, then the numbers drop for the next 10 and then increase again for the next 10---(midlife crisis).

Factors to be taken into consideration is the age that people marry- the younger you are, the less chance of a long term marriage---(under 24).

Answer 2

I agree with what he has stated.

Other suggestions: Show some faith in your spouse. Every move he makes does NOT mean he's cheating. I see a lot of questions involving some task that is taking place that is misinnterpretted severely.

A guy who is married says "That girl is Hot!" There is no need for therapy. There is no need for an argument. You shouldn't have to ask for advice on what to do if this happens. You don't have to take this as, he doesn't love me. again be secure in who you married. You may not be the perfect angel yourself.

Why is everyone afraid to ask your spouse questions about their actins? You're married. Do you never talk about things? There are ways to ask questions and get answers with out hostility if that's what you're worried about it.

Answer 3

We've been happily married 36 years, and I guarantee you, some of the key elements of a successful relationship - married or otherwise - are:

1) A long list of common interests; things you both enjoy doing TOGETHER as opposed to separate interests and separate groups of friends.

2) A lot of tolerance for each other's differences. As much as you share in common, you're still going to rub one another wrong from time to time. Be mature and deal with it. Separate the small $h!t from the serious stuff.

3) A sense of compromise; so that you can work out your problems with a minimum of emotional trauma. It's marital negotiation.

4) A sense of sympathy and forgiveness. You're both going to screw up on occasion. You need to be able to forgive, forget, and move on with the relationship.

Answer 4

I've been married for 12 years now and happily looking forward to many more years of wedded bliss.

I tell my husband I love him every day and I tell him that he is sexy every day. He is sexy too. He was starting to worry about a couple of gray hairs he'd gotten and I told him that they made him look even more sexy to me, because they do!

I love him more each day than I did the day before. I didn't know that was possible but it's true. I leave love notes in his lunch from time to time---which reminds me, I haven't done that in a while. :) I'm going to do that tonight. I buy treats for him and leave them in his briefcase.

We talk about where we are and where we want to be long term at least once a year, this is about everything important, our children, our debt and our retirement. That way if we have an idea or want something different we both know and can talk about it and maybe plan for it.

He respects me enough to make me a part of every decision he makes, for example, this was so cute: he wanted an ipod and we were a bit strapped for cash that month, so he came to me and said, "Can I get an ipod? All the other guys at the office have one?" I had to laugh, he was so cute. I told him he certainly could get one and I thanked him for asking me before he spent that money. He didn't have to do that. He did it because he loves me and wanted to include me in his decision.

I love him enough to call up his friends once a month or so and send him out for a boys night on the town. It's healthy for him to have friends of his own. He is his own person. He didn't sacrifice his own interests or friends when he married me. Keeping his old friends is good for him.

He's so cute. He recently asked me if I mind that he enjoys playing cards competitively and I told him, 'not at all. I know where you are and what you are doing. Go, have fun.'

In fact I make up special snacks when he has the boys over to play cards here. I don't play myself but that's my choice. They're a good group and they don't get into trouble.

When you love someone, you want them to be happy. When you only love yourself, you only care whether or not you are happy. A long term marriage only works when people love each other. When both partners are working to make the other happy then both are happy and the marriage lasts.

Answer 5

Our marriage has lasted 30+ years so far. We share everything. Mutual respect comes first. Love, second. Then, we share household chores, our bank accounts, bill-paying, and everything else. We love sharing ideas and we take turns accommodating each other in many ways. I am not a born sports fan, but I attend lots of sporting events because HE loves them. He ,in return, takes me to symphonies, musicals and plays, because I love them. We do communicate well.

Answer 6

For some reason,some people has defied the mere significance of marriage. We exchanged our vows and committed ourselves to our better half, isn't that suppose to be our biggest responsibility to consider and not just take it for granted? I've been married for almost 3 years now and I can say and will always say that marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me and my hubby. Obstacles will really come. These, I consider as my lessons to learn. They help me grow and discover how important my existence is. My hubby and kids look up to me,waiting for my affection and care. It's a very nice feeling to bestow them your sheered love to them. Just always communicate w/ your better half and let them always know what you feel,whether you are mad or you are happy or lonely. Be open to him or her and accept things w/ open hands.

Answer 7

Fifty/fifty won't cut it in the long term; you both have to give it a hundred percent. It helps to be good friends as well as marriage partners. Share her interests and encourage her to share yours. The sex is important, but you need not spend half your life doing the horizontal mambo either - there really is life beyond your gonads!

Answer 8

I agree with all the above that you mentioned. I do however feel that checking out others is not okay to do. It may be normal but one should avoid doing it in front of their spouse.

Answer 9

Most all of that sounds real good...but it is living it, adapting and controlling your emotions when **it hits the fan that makes it possible. In other words, you just told us the talk...what everybody says. But you have the have the emotional intelligence to weather the change and conflict that is inevitable.

Answer 10

We just had our 18th anniversary. I think one needs a sense of humour, a spouse who is intelligent and curious, you two both need to be loving and lustful, and both be willing to give MORE than 100 per cent each, not just 50-50.