my in-law's absolutely hate me......?

Question

I've distanced myself from them and have had no interaction for about 2 years now and seem to find it easier to live my life that way without the added "drama". it all started when my husband then (47) and me (31) with 3 children decided after 3.5 years of dating to get married. We decided amongst ourselves to never have children. When we announced our intentions, my sister in law was not favorable to the union and did not make it hidden. We've been together for 8.5 years and married for 5 and are happy together. Am I wrong for distancing myself from a hopeless situation?

At our announcement she stated she wished her brother would marry someone who could give him children??? who made her the executor of his life. I spent the 3.5 years we dated trying to blend into this family and to no avail. so the decision to distance myself was agreed upon with my husband. However, I was very upset that he chose not to defend my honor with his family. Personally, if the shoe were on the other foot, I'd tell them that to not respect my spouse is to not respect me. Thank you for your answers.

Answer 1

You are a married woman. If they don't like it they dont have to be around you! I'd distance myself as well. Who needs people like that anyways? Marriage is hard enough without having to deal with judgemental in laws.

Answer 2

I think I'd feel the same way, but if hubby wants the best of both worlds, he should put his foot down and tell his family that he loves you, and they have to repsect his decision, and YOU.
You should also give them a chance at getting to know you better, and to see the side of you your husband knows and loves.
Think about it. For whatever reason they didn't like you in the first place, now that you're keeping away, they probably resent you even more for that.
If your husband doesn't mind that you don't want any part of that and everything is fine- than don't feel bad and keep away if that's what you really want. But if he's feeling bad that the most important people in his life can't get along, it's time to step up and give them a chance. Sit and explain to them how bad they make you feel, and why you've been avoiding them.
If they still aren't willing to give you a chance, at least you can say you tried for hubby's sake.

Answer 3

Life is WAY too short to have to put up with in-law drama...hearing things said under their breath, the dirty looks, the 'knowing glances' amoung them about you, tension in the air, walking on eggshells, etc. - it's SO not worth it! Besides being a happier person, your decision is probably making you a healthier person as well, eliminating all that needless stress.

I personally think the decision you've made to keep distance between you and them is a great move, and wish I could do the same myself! Kudos and congrats for making life better for you and your family!!!

Answer 4

Sometimes we find ourselves having to take actions which aren't all that comfortable. I'd be gracious, but not overly so. I'd keep them at a distance, accept this situation for what it is, and surround myself with good friends.

For some reason, families have unwritten cultures which sometimes seem to formulate themselves around the various personalities. Seeing things in this way might help you understand.

Align yourself with you're loved ones.

Answer 5

Perhaps this happens for a purpose. If you think that you have to distance yourself, it's your prerogative to do so.However, you can't do that for the rest of your life. Just prove to them that your husband deserves you and the other way around.You both love each other and you have established a happy family. Maybe they are starting to notice that. It may take time but time will come that you and your in-laws will be re-united for any possible reasons. Just pray.

Answer 6

Well, you are kinda sticking your head in the sand. You married into the family. I think you should be a part of that family. You guys have been together for 8.5 years, it's obvious it's probably going to last, and anybody who isn't in favor of it has their own problem.

Answer 7

No you are not wrong at all! Also to help any future prolems no matter whose side of the family an issue comes from let each of you be the spokes person to hi/her family. SO if his side has a problem or issue let him and only him deal with it directly. Same with you.
I hope the best for you all!

Answer 8

No, if you can't help the way you feel and the way they feel there is nothing you can do about it. If you like peace and quiet what is wrong with keeping your distance? Not to mention its not up to sister betty and uncle bill whether or not you have children or not. Its up to you and your husband to decide.

Answer 9

you did the right thing by distancing yourself from them. apparently your in-laws only see your worth as a walking uterus, a baby-making machine...since that was all they cared about. i say continue to distance yourselves from them. and live the best life that you can. it is not hopeless as long as you keep the distance. good for you. it's your in-laws loss that they did not accept you as a part of the family...they lost a son in the process. don't feel bad for one second. good for you for standing by your decision to not have children and not cave into the pressure 'simply because they wanted to.' good for you.

Answer 10

You are not wrong for your actions. In-law's can be real ***ches at times, especially women. You have 3 children and that was enough for you. Who cares what anyone thinks.... I have a sister-in-law that I don't get along with, and I don't go to things at her house, my husband does.