Help - I'm too nice and I don't speak up for myself enough, what do I do?I mean don't get me wrong I prefer

Question

being nice and polite to people but I know that if a person isd too nice he can be taken advantage of and treated like a doormat, what do I do?I mean I dont want to be 100% Argumentative but sometimes argiung has to be done in this life as it is a good way to get your point across and clear your chest!

And I think I have trouble taking charge in certain situations as well!

Answer 1

I used to have the same problem. I try to please everyone, because i want people to be happy, but there are obstacles that are difficult to overcome... like when someone says or does something totally asinine, but i was too 'nice' to say anything to them, or stop them....

I guess the only thing to do is just get out there and start opening up and laying it out when someone does something stupid.

I just blew up one day, and it was over, i was just tired of being walked all over, and i spoke my mind for probably the first time. It doesnt stop you from being a good, nice person, but being walked on is bad for you psycologically, and to hold things in is the same

Answer 2

I'm exactly the same as you in that respect nachomanhulk, I have the impression you're a bit of a Loner like me?

The People that treat you like a Doormat are really not worth bothering with I can assure you, just try to live your own life and don't get hung up on issues in the World that you can do nothing about, that's what Politicians are paid (too much!) to do, Arguing about things achieves nothing, a real Friend is one that will listen but not judge........Stay calm mate!

Answer 3

Tell someone "no" three times a day for a week. If it leads to an argument, have it. Once you have said "no" do not go back, but instead suffer the consequences and relish the victories. You can still be polite without being a doormat.

Answer 4

Being nice is a good thing. Continue being nice, thoughtful of others, and so on.

You may be confusing being nice with being submissive. You don't need to be submissive, and you shouldn't lie about your feelings. That just gets you somewhere you don't want to be. If someone asks you what you want to do, think about it, and tell them. You can give a little on your position, but you should be very clear what you prefer. If someone doesn't ask you what you want to do, volunteer the information.

You may not be taking responsibility. Are you letting someone else decide what to do all the time because you don't want to decide, and then you're complaining about it?

What are you arguing about and with whom? Does the person have power over you? If not, compromise is fine, but if you're never getting your way, then you need to say, "We'll do it your way this time, but next time I want to do it my way." If the person won't agree, then stop cooperating. There should be give and take.

Anyway, don't stop being nice, but be honest about your feelings. Don't lie, and don't hide your feelings too much.

Answer 5

Take a course in assertiveness. It will help you focus on how to stop people taking advantage of you, but in such a way that they will still come to ask you for help and advice in the future. Instead of simply accepting everything that everyone says/does, you can use the skills to channel people into doing what you want to do, without causing violent arguments and feeling guilty about having to say no.

If you don't do something, you will find that more and more people will take advantage of your good nature, and you will eventually either crack under the pressure or explode in front of people who care about you. Neither is a good option.

Answer 6

Im the same way. Im really quiet and usually wont speak up unless I really really feel like I should.
Speaking up and being nice doesnt have to be 2 different things. You can either choose to say
'hey I dont like what you want and I want it my way'
or you can say
'I understand what you are saying but I prefer this way and I think it would work out better.'

Its just how you respond. As long as you respond calmly and clearly then there will be arguement unless the other person just wants to argue then thats something you cant control and isnt your fault.
As long as you arent saying or doing things to intentionally hurt/embarrass/ or to be mean to someone, then say whats on your mind. Just say it politely and constantly (if needed).

Answer 7

you seem like you try to consider every one else's feelings even if these people don't show consider yours if they did you wouldn't feel you are treated like a doormat, different people work on different senses some people are so matter of fact and say things that may be really hurtful with no emotion what so ever, don't even bother trying to reason with these people as there's no telling them they wired differently!! friends have asked my opinion and i make it clear that it is simply what i think or feel which when you do this even just once it it empowering but other people may think or feel something totally different ,try it see how it feels goodluck!!!

Answer 8

You don't have to stop being nice. Remind yourself to speak up whenever you get that doormat sensation. What's that old advice, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." Try saying NO like you mean it.

Answer 9

why not have a debate instead of an argument ??? try and see 2 sides of the coin ??

if not go for a square go out the back lol

Answer 10

I think you should just pick the things that really matter to you and make sure they take you seriously so they dont think they can just walk all over you!