Okay, does this story sound good, or really boring?

Question

Just be as honest as possible.

A girl named Mary lives a normal life until, she auditions for a musical. Everyone discovers her exceptional singing talent, and she is on the road to becoming famous...with record producers, casting calls...people calling her, willing to hire her as a professional singer. Meanwhile, there is a person, who has been spying on her, her entire life, and knows of her singing talent. He knows what is going on with Mary, and tries to hinder her success. He wants to make her life miserable. She gets notifed of this one day, in the middle of the night, by a complete stranger. All she can do to stop this person is to figure out where he is, solve some mysteries, and defeat him.
At the end...the evil guy reveals some secrets.
I'm thinking of not making the ending a happy one.

What do you think? OH. If it sounds really corny, boring, unspirational, cliched...please say so :)
I want you to be BRUTALLY honest about this. Would you buy a book like this?

Oh yeah, she simply auditions for a musical at her school, and she sings soooo well. That's her first time singing too. it's all natural.

Anddd... I hope it doesn't sound too much like Harry Potter. O_o

Answer 1

It sounds totally cliche to me. Like Rumplestiltskin meets High School Musical. Nope - to be brutally honest, this kind of thing has been done 12 ways to Sunday. I even once wrote a story with a similar idea only with an author. It is overdone. Pax - C

Answer 2

It sounds okay...

I would suggest developing your characters a lot. Especially the "evil guy." In my opinion, the best evil guys are the ones who believe that they are doing a good thing. There should be a definite reason to whatever he does. A reason that maybe you keep secret from the reader until the end. It would be interesting if you had some twist in the end involving, perhaps, the stranger and his/her identity. The stranger should not remain a stranger for the whole book.

And yes, the story could use a bit more drama. Don't make it a soap opera, but don't make it dull either.

Good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds pretty good to me, but make sure you develop the plot a bit more. Don't focus too much on the singing or the musical audition. Make sure you develop the characters of Mary and the "evil guy". Add a bit more drama to the story. And I definitely agree with the first answer---maybe a murder or two. Now more of drama and action would make the story worth reading. The storyline is vaguely like Harry Potter, but make sure your style of writing is different.

Answer 4

Everyone should know by now a story cannot be told in a few sentences. For example her’s one:

A girl gets picked on at school and she has an overly religious mother who suppresses her. Her nasty classmates hatch a plot to ruin her life even more by fixing the homecoming election so she wins and they can humiliate her more.

She get really pissed freaks out and then gets some great revenge.

Recognize it? Written correctley this simple, and very cliche, story launched the career of one of the most famous American authors ever.

So - don't give up. Keep writing, hone and develop your craft! It IS a JOB not an adventure. If you cannot figure out who I am talking about - send me a mail...

Ralf

Answer 5

your pitch is a little vague. however, i don't buy the fact that someone just has it out for her. Why? What is their motivation? What do they have to gain by her downfall? And what do you mean by solve some mysteries? I think that is the crutch of the story - not necessarily her singing ability. That just seems to be a trait she has. Focus on your drama and the character development of your antagonist. Without a good enemy, you don't have good drama. Right now, I am not enticed, but i think that with a more effective pitch (or grasp of the story) that you might be able to sell me.

Answer 6

From your outline,I would say that this has some very interesting possiblities! For instance,who is thee mystery man&why is he bent on destroying the girl?It has all the elements of a ripping good tale,as long as it's not over or under-written,especially the two main characters,but,at the same time,know when to reveal someting important&when to hold back,this will bring much-needed tension to the piece,okay?TL

Answer 7

properly, it extremely is somewhat corny. possibly you may loose the full "spell" area, or a minimum of a few of it. yet I do exactly like the assumption of somebody who's been spying on her for her finished existence. yet possibly you additionally could make that individual herself? possibly a distinctive area of herself it extremely is she's been stifling interior her? and you certainly desire some conflict. no longer wanting to be accepted yet growing to be accepted anyhow only won't shrink it. How approximately while she turns into accepted, her "different self" takes over, metaphorically, and he or she gets swept away in all the exposure hype and properly-knownshows herself loving the existence of a action picture star. Then possibly she would be able to have this conflict between her 2 selves. i assume you will possibly as properly make it a actual conflict in case you like actual conflict. despite it extremely is, make us love the character and hate what she's grow to be, then make us root for her on her journey of self discovery.

Answer 8

It could be good, depends on your writing style. If you write it in a sardonic, witty, self-mocking tone, I could see it as being excellent.

Answer 9

I was already looking forward to the next lines... Please write on, and use suspense a lot in the story. It should be a hit.

Answer 10

I probably would, but it doesn't seem that original. Then again, there aren't many original ideas out there anymore.