My life is a little complicated, I have a husband who I love with all of my heart. The problem is he has a tendency to be mental and physically abusive. I also have a child who hates how he treats me, but is also jealous of my husband. He feels my huband takes time away from him. The problem is I feel torn between my child, family and husband. Everybody has an opinion ,let me figure this one out for myself. I feel I'am being squeezed to death and nobody cares.
2007-08-07 08:02:31 · 9 answers · asked by Melody H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What works for me, is to get completely alone, and think things through. You're a bright, sensible woman, and are able to figure this out for yourself! What do YOU want to do? Not your family, not your son, not your husband...YOU! Decide that, and then act accordingly!
2007-08-07 08:08:30 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its hard to leave a person whom you love even when he does hurt you. But first take into acount that your family including your son loves you and wants you to be happy. Unfortunately the only thing they see is the abuse and want you out of that relationship. So try to understand them too. Now you have to think really hard about your situation deep in the back of your head you know what the right thing is and you have to have the courage to do it. Another important thing is you have a child and your actions or non-actions will affect him in every significant way of his behavioral, physical and mental abilities and development. YOu are not alone, your child depends on you to make the right decision.
You stated you love your husband and though he can be abusive you are aware that there is a kind person inside but at the same time you know how you treats you is not right. I know that at times he is probably wonderful, and Im sure that there is a sad reason in his past that causes him to react that way but please think about this: you can be a victim to a certain point then later you choose to be a victim. I stayed in abusive relationships please i loved him and knew that he was a good person that due to his family would react in a horrible way but at the same time this wasn't my fault, i didn't cause it and if he really wanted to he could stop. Because I was agressive and violent at one point too but i stopped and continuing to be a better person. So he can do it too, there really is no excuse you can stop bad situation if you really want to.
But you should try counseling, the both of you. If he loves you and cares about how he treats then maybe counseling can help. THis can be expensive, so maybe church counseling or group counseling can be less expensive. But at least you should go to counseling. Many people will tell you to leave him but that's easier said then done, and i know thats not what you want to hear cause that thought already popped in your mind many times. But if you feel that you should leave him but dont have the courage to think of your son, think about how it affects him and think if your decision to stay with your husband is selfish.
If you want to stay then think about how you contribute to the problem. At times you have to become a better person for change to happen whether if its you leaving him or him changing for the better. I was in a verbally abusive relationship and i contributed a lot by starting or fighting back, when i stopped and changed my reaction and contribution to these situation i realized he won't so i left him. I made myself a little better by not contributing to it. By becoming a better person by looking at your short-comings and not contributing to his arguements because you are a different serene person you will find peace and learn to love yourself more. This will bring in change within you. Try to be the calm one, try to not fight when he is fury, try counseling and please think about it in a serious way considering all the consequences that fall on you and your child. Your family will always have an opinion maybe you should take that into consideration too.
2007-08-07 09:22:53 · answer #2 · answered by 2legit2quit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is precisely because they DO care. You might love him (although why I cannot imagine) but he clearly has problems if he is treating you so badly. Your child and your family are concerned that maybe one day your husband will go to far. Then your child is left without a mother and your family without a daughter/sister. Take the blinders off. They are trying to protect you. Listen to them.
2007-08-07 08:10:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your family "While I appreciate your input and opinions, this is my decision to make and I am a mature adult and am very capable of making it on my own"
This gets the point across in a polite way.
2007-08-07 08:07:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your family and kids that you hear what they are saying and appreciate their concern, but you need to make this decision yourself.
My opinion: abuse of any kind is a good reason to PACK UP AND GET OUT!
2007-08-07 08:06:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask for their opinions. They all want you to do what's best for them not what's best for you.
Next time someone offers you unsolicited advice try one of these:
I'll take that into consideration
Thanks for your input
And then change the subject. You can't make them stop giving you advice but you can stop listening to it.
2007-08-07 08:08:22 · answer #6 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, any woman who chooses a man over her children has got some serious freaking issues...plain and simple. If you aren't healthy and happy, how do you expect your children to be?!?!
Men come and go, but blood is blood. You need to get your priorities straight!
2007-08-07 08:10:00 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are sick and tired of various opinions then what are you doing on here?
2007-08-07 08:05:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
slap the taste out of all their mouths
2007-08-07 08:06:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋