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WHY do men think WE are being NAGS when we just ask for a little contribution with the house cleaning? I am NOT a housewife, and he has FOUR days off a week to clean, but CHOOSES not to. I want everything equal. When I do the cleaning, I expect him to do it next time (dishes, vaccuming, bathroom cleaning, sweeping, etc). But he doesn't. It gets to the point where I have to demand that he does the dishes, and when I demand things, he gets even LAZIER!! WHAT DO I DO? Things are so bad with this (to me) that I want to dump him! We have been together for 7 years! Wouldn't he know that little things like doing dishes would make me happy? Does he not want me to be happy?

2007-08-07 07:55:34 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

44 answers

The men I've known have different standards and don't always see what needs to be done.
I solved this problem but it did cost me a few $$ but it was worth every penny.
We divided the chores (both of us agreed to these). I kept up my end of the bargain, he didn't. I HIRED someone to come and do his chores. The $$ came out of our mutual account, which left less money for other things. He got the picture and now he does his jobs! It's interesting that he's even being pickier than I was about certain things. Good luck!

2007-08-07 08:01:11 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 2 0

As a man :) I would say the problem isn't big enough for the man to do something. I don't like doing dishes, that's what paper plates are for. So get plastic cups and plastic plates for a easy problem like that. If he wants real plates he can wash it, but if I was him, I wouldn't care and go with the paper plates.

If you really want to get guy to do something and get his butt off couch to clean , and I mean clean, release a few bugs in his bed, that wont bite or spread eggs or anything.

I know most men draw the line from dust, to stuff crawling in the bed or around them as a sign that they are pigs, and its time to clean. I always feel like cleaning and dusting things when I see things crawl.

I am not married and single at this time, but woman do have the advantage in the love making department. Create a point system where he works and does things on the list and gets points to be with you. I think that is just to much work and you should just go with the bugs. When he sees the bugs, say what a dirty person he is. If you want the shower cleaned, release a few bugs in the shower.

The only thing about all of this is that you shouldn't be scared of bugs, and make sure they don't get harmed, and released once captured safely into the street. Do not kill the bug, they are only meant to help you. I say again, no bugs should be hurt in this process.

2007-08-07 08:18:09 · answer #2 · answered by NICK A 3 · 1 0

this is a very general statement. Many men are not lazy and have a lazy wife. My husband works full time and still vacuums, dusts and randomly cleans whatever needs it at the time. If I had to say who is messier or lazier at our house that would be me..... the wife

having said that I also don't think you should demand anything. it never works people are too stubborn for that. If you want a clean kitchen then clean it. But only do the things you care about not his things. For example do your laundry but not his. Make the bed cause it makes you happy but don't clear of his desk or whatever. the dishes thing is harder because he will use all your clean dishes and never wash his own. How about you tell him he has to supply his own disposable dishes and utensils LOL and you can eat on disposable or regular because you clean up your own mess

I wish there was something I could do to change this guy for you but I have known men and women who are like this their whole life. My dad does all of the laundry and cleaning at his house. My step mom only will do it for guests. Sorry I can't be more help

2007-08-07 08:05:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Because you are being nags. What I mean to say is that he probably has a higher tolerance for a messy home than you. You feel comfortable imposing your idea of cleanliness upon him. It's simple really. What he has done is calculate your desire for the clean house and his own desire for the same thing and divided the responsibility along those lines. You have learned that demanding behavior just doesn't work without the threat of penalties. Deprive him of anything you can as long as you are certain that he won't find another supplier of those particular goods and services. Leave him if this is more important to you than the positive parts of your relationship. He has probably learned at least one thing in 7 years. He can't really do much of anything to make you happy. Doing dishes isn't likely to get it done either. So why not just be lazy?

2007-08-07 08:14:41 · answer #4 · answered by noshaymatall 5 · 0 0

Is it just the housework that you're in a relationship with him? If it's only not doing any housework that you're most concerned with him then dump him. I think you are a problem more to yourself than the problem of him not contributing his share of the housework. You want everything equal, you said. That can't really be possible in terms of intangible and immeasurable things like housework unless you can have things in detail like you clean up 5 pounds of dust and so should he. And then you expect him to do things next time. Sounds like your happiness is based on controlling someone. But then he may be controlling you, too, so there might be some equality there, or is there?

2007-08-07 08:43:02 · answer #5 · answered by wind m 4 · 0 0

BECAUSE MEN TODAY ARE MUCH WORSE THAN THE OLDEN DAYS...NOW MEN WANT A WOMAN TO HAVE A FULL TIME JOB, CONTRIBUTE MONEY TO THE HOUSE, COOK, CLEAN, TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS!

At least an actual housewife who is "expected" to do these things is not out at work everyday..rushing to get dinner, and her husband gave her money and paid for everything.

he probably does *something* insignifigant once in awhile such as driving, putting something in the mail, going to the store, etc...so in his mind he is contributing. And he probably feels he treats you nice in every other way so why are you nagging. he feels you are complaining about mundane things.

He has you in a routine..and unfortunatly, nagging will only make things worse. You can try talking nicely, but that will only solve the problem for a day or so. there is not much you can do..you can try *changing* the routine, like join a gym after work, so he will have to worry about dinner, go to work earlier, stay at work later..see if he starts doing things because he has to!

Otherwise...if you stop doing these things, its going to cause major fights...good luck.

2007-08-07 08:03:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

There is nothing you can do its the stupid mans pride that makes him not do anything because no matter what even though the times have changed men still feel that they should go to work bring home the most money to take care of his family protect them and make shire there is enough money to put food on the table. So that means yes us women clean the house but really its not that big of a deal because the men take very good care of there family and there kids (if you have any). So really the men do a lot it just might not seem like it.

2007-08-07 08:03:50 · answer #7 · answered by JEEP GIRL 2 · 0 0

I understand why my boyfriend of almost 5 years doesn't do a alot of the chores. It's because he works 12 hour days and is tired when he get's home at 11pm at night. Try talking to him. Maybe just ask him to do one thing a day, and maybe he'll get into the habit of doing it everyday, and it'll stick in his brain. If i leave a ton of dishes laying around or clothing on the bed, he'll do them because he doesn't like a mess. Like last night i had clothing on the bed, and i washed the fitted sheet for the bed, i came home the laundry was done, the sheet was on the bed, and more laundry was washing..and he was just laying on the bed playing video games...That makes me happy. Don't try and force him to do anything, just reason with him. When he takes out the trash, you can put the bag in the can, when he emptys the dishwasher you can put the dirty ones in. It's called teamwork. and it does work if you do things together. Oh and some people just have a lack of motivation. I pay for a gym membership, but havent gone in a couple months, and my bf wonders why, it's called a lack of motivation. maybe that's what your man has...just take a deep breath, relax, and talk to him.

2007-08-07 08:26:23 · answer #8 · answered by erkie_gurl 2 · 0 0

Apparently he is from the old school of maleness. Housework is woman's work and he, being a man, will not lower himself to doing woman's work. You need to tell him that a little help now and then would really help you out. Stop demanding that he do things. You can see that it doesn't work. Just ask nicely, and if he doesn't, do it yourself. But when it comes time for sex, you can be too tired from all the work during the day, that if he had done some of it for you, you might not be so tired. Though, to be honest, it sounds like he wants out of the relationship, but wants you to get mad enough to break up with him.

2007-08-07 08:03:35 · answer #9 · answered by magix151 7 · 1 0

Babe, I so understand how you feel, but believe me, don't finish a relationship because a guy is not helping enough at home. That's the least of your worries.
Good men don't come that easily.
All men are being difficult to manage when it comes to housework.
Try and focus on his other qualities. Surely when you met him, you were not attracted by his housework skills.
After divorcing my husband, I started listening and talking to other women, and believe me, they're all the same!!
The grass isn't greener!!
Don't make your life a misery by wanting to change someone by all means. Try and appreciate who they are and try and appreciate the little they do.
Also, try and dominate your anger when you want something done. Go for a walk or to a restaurant and try and discuss how he could help being ready to make compromises!
Good luck.xxx

2007-08-07 08:04:03 · answer #10 · answered by Kc 6 · 0 0

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