I'm Gay and in a relationship with a guy. My Grandma is really Chriatian and hates Gay people with a passion!! She always tells me how Gay people are going to Hell for their sins and stupid stuff like that! She even one time tried to tell me once that Gay people molest kids more than straight people. Even though she says stupid things like this, we are still very close, and have been since I was little. She is actually a very nice lady when she's not being a total *****!! She campares Homosexuality to Bestiality and rants about how Gay people are all over T.V. and God doesn't like it.. Me and my Mom have decided not to tell her but I can't hide it forever. After I graduate High School I was going to Boston, MA with my boyfriend and then moving to the U.K. My question is, should I stop talking to her all together once I leave Texas? I don't want to deal with her anymore and I know she will HATE it if I tell her. I know it's kind of sad to cut off a family member but I think I might have to.
What do you think?
2007-08-07 07:36:28 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Tell her and then let her make the decision.
Then she will be the one at fault and not you.
2007-08-07 07:41:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is very hard to deal with someone with whom you have had a close relationship with all your life when it comes to this subject, as I am sure you are aware.
There are really two questions here that you must decide for yourself.
First: Your personal feelings. Does it hurt you when your Grandmother makes the comments she is making concerning homosexuality, knowing that her reaction to your own sexuality is nothing you can do anything about? In most instances the answer would be Yes. With that answer you must decide to either tell her or not. Being from Texas I would assume she is from a very conservative church -- more than likely Southern Baptist. If that is the case you could reasonably expect her to be the one to cut off any contact with you not the other way around. I hate to put it this bluntly -- Problem solved. It is on her to make that decision not you to cut her off. You obviously love and care for her very much.
Second: Your personal integrity. If you choose not to tell her can you live with the idea of being a hypocrite and live two lives one for your grandmother and one for the rest of the family. I hate to say it this way also, but this raises a very harsh question -- What would happen if she found out from someone else than you. And in finding out blindsided you when you were not expecting it with a tirade of questions about the "rumor" of your sexuality? This has happened. The resulting confrontation is much more difficult to deal with because you are now on the defensive.
These are just two questions that come to mind. I was thrown out of my family at 14. I know the pain of rejection. But I have found over the years that being myself and keeping my integrity showed courage and gained me the respect of my associates throughout my life.
Best wishes you have some more serious thinking to do.
2007-08-07 14:57:34 · answer #2 · answered by .*. 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened with my older brother... Be honest about it... Give her a chance to at least accept or reject you before completely not talking to her.
She is older and born in a different time so she's ignorant on a lot of things. There could be a chance she will change her mind when her beloved grandson tells her he's gay.. If she doesn't it's her lose, you at least tried and you don't have to live with the regret of ending your relationship with her without giving her the opportunity to develop how she feels about you.
If she really loves you, she'll try to understand the best she can.. If she doesn't understand, don't talk to her for a while and give her time. Just give her a chance first- then make your decision not to talk to her. Also- you should tell her your plans of not going to talk to her because of this situation- so she knows how serious you are.
2007-08-07 14:46:11 · answer #3 · answered by smiley10036 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell her. Often it's the best way to open up someone's eyes to the truth. Her only sources of information about gay people have probably been those that feel the same way she does. If you're prepared to write her off anyway, you really have nothing to lose. As another person says, once you do open up to her, it'll be her decision to make whether or not she wants to be a part of your life, and this way you won't have any regrets later in life when she's no longer around.
2007-08-07 15:18:35 · answer #4 · answered by kena2mi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't give up on your grandma.You will regret it forever if you do.
I think you have to be honest and tell her that you're gay before she finds out elsewhere and eventually she will.I think it needs to come from you and before you move away.
She loves you and this may help her to change her mind about gay people.She'll likely be shocked at first but give her a chance to come around.
She deserves to know from you.There is no greater bond than that of a grandmother and her granchild.
I wish you all the best and please give this some thought.Don't cut off ties with her and live to regret it.
2007-08-07 14:47:35 · answer #5 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd tell her in a heartbeat. Sometimes it makes it easier to accept that they were wrong about gay people when they can put a face on it.
My Mother repeatedly made remarks about gays and lesbians until I came out to her. She's not waving a pride flag just yet but she's come a long, long way.
I think we'll have to put up with these kinds of comments until we get enough of a backbone to confront the people saying it.
The next time she's on one of her rants, take that as your opportunity to speak.
Best of luck to you!
2007-08-07 14:45:24 · answer #6 · answered by hapetobme 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Let her know that she is going to be accepted back into your life if and when she can accept you for who you are and to see what a wonderful young man you sound like and that you are gay and it is okay, not to judge people based solely on their sexual orientation as that is the way God made them.
2007-08-07 15:17:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hide it from her and accept the fact she is your grandma and that not everyone will understand or accept your lifestyle. Older people are very set in their ways, it's a different world for them today. I have hid the fact that many friends and relatives are gay from my mom for the same reason, it works out fine.
2007-08-07 14:43:59 · answer #8 · answered by Angelina N 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
never stop talking to your grandmother it totally shows that you love her unconditionally and always call her and one day she might just say my gay grandson who i dislike his sexuality is the only one that shows me such love by calling me all the time,just tell her grandma i cant help my sexuality and you cant help but judge people tell her let god judge the people and all i want you to do is love me for me as i do for you kisses good luck please dont give up and dont ever stop talking to her cause one day when she is gone it will bother you more pray for her
2007-08-07 22:38:00 · answer #9 · answered by tina l 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should tell her, I was scared of telling my grandfather because he always had some old fashioned views on things and now that I am out to him it is the best thing ever. He absolutely loves my girlfriend and we hang out quite a bit.
2007-08-07 14:46:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't think like that. That generation of people are different in their thinking. Make amends, she won't always be here, and then you will feel bad.Be the bigger person.
2007-08-07 14:42:06 · answer #11 · answered by deb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋