Why can't I get away?

Question

I've been married for a year and a half. It has progressively gotten worse. I feel like I'm to the point where I want to leave, but I don't. He's emotionally abusive, plays tricks/games with me. I guess I'm scared of having to start all over. Any pointers on getting the balls to start over? Or how to decide when you've been pushed too far?

Answer 1

How much longer do you want to live like this?
The reason it feels hard to break away is because he has convinced you that you aren't strong, smart or good enough to be without him. He's convinced you that you are so unloveable in every way that you are lucky to have him and there's no way you'll ever find someone else to love you.
He's wrong. You just need to decide that you're worth it. You deserve happiness and you'll never find it with him. You could call the national domestic abuse hotline and talk to other people who have gone through what you are going through and managed to get out. Good luck and don't wait!

Answer 2

When you've been pushed too far, you will know it, you won't even have to ask yourself that question.
That's how it was for me.
It just got to a point where I didn't care about anything any more except getting out.
You say you have to get the balls to start over.
Well I think that would be easier, to start all over, rather than to keep putting up with what you're putting up with.
Take the strength and energy that you are putting into fighting with him and turn that energy into getting away and supporting yourself.
It will be easier to start over, than it is to keep putting up with it.
Why waste any more time on a relationship that you know you don't want to be in any more.
You're not getting any younger, so don't waste the time.
You would probably be happier being on your own, then you are living like this.

Good luck

Answer 3

Think about your life and yourself. How do you want to live? A person who is emotionally abusive and plays mean tricks and games is either sick or evil, or even both. Scared of having to start over? Well, if you don't like where you are, that is exactly what you need to do. You should look on it as an opportunity to get a happier life. You might consider asking him to go to marriage counseling with you. But I would just skip that part unless you realistically think it might result in changes. Maybe you could go to counseling by yourself. Remember, it is better to be alone than with someone who makes you miserable.

Answer 4

You have to get away. In my case, 'Mr. Charming' degenerated from a few nasty remarks and sulky attitude to being outright insulting in front of friends and relatives, so distrustful of other men that he got me fired, and finally, breaking my nose. Don't let this happen to you. I'm not saying that your husband will become physically abusive, but mental and emotional torture is just as damaging. Call up your family or female support group, make a date, and get him out of your life. A woman alone is far better than a woman with an abusive man. A good man will eventually come along for you. You'll see that once your confidence returns, you'll find yourself attracted to a kind man instead of the 'bad boy.' Worked for me. A year later I met the right man. 7 years later, we're still together and happy as ever. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I think everyone has a breaking point and it just so happens I reached mine today. I've been married for almost a year coming up this sunday and I had enough with my hubby. so this morning I sent him a text message telling him I'm leaving, I packed and moved back to my parents house. Funny thing is now I know it was the right thing and I probably should've done it months ago...because he didn't even respond and I doubt he even cares.

If your hubby is a jerk just leave...I promise it'll be hard for the first 30-60 days but after that you'll be right back on your feet. Just remember life goes on and there are plenty of fish in the sea!! :-)

Answer 6

You will know when you have been pushed too far and it seems like you're getting close. The reason you don't leave is because you are hoping he will change. You love this man enough to allow yourself to endure his wrath. So you're patiently waiting for him to realize he needs to change so this marriage will work. But the cold hard fact is he won't change because he don't have to change. But through this whole process of marriage, you are the one who's changing. You're losing your self esteem, your questioning yourself more than you ever had. You're probably telling lies that are so small (the truth would tick him off) because you prefer your lie versus his wrath. You begin to adapt to him by changing who you are. You are already starting to lose your identity as you fear leaving him. You've already forgotten how good life can be. You've forgotten that there is people who love you and will support. You've forgotten YOU. Take that fear of leaving and replace it with the happy memories you hold. Remember happiness, to laugh, smile and to be so care free. This life only goes around once and by staying with this man you're agreeing to live unhappily. But your posting on this forum tells me your not so willing to live like this. Really though YOU have 3 choices. You can tell him his abusive behavoir will end this marriage unless there is change and possibly couselling. You can tell him the abusive behavoir has already ended the marriage or you can just live life unhappily and say nothing at all. But these are your choices for you to decide regarding your life. Sure he is your husband and you probably agreed for richer or for poorer and so on. But he has already dishonered his vows and you through abuse. There will never be an exception for abuse. This man is toxic to his own marriage. He is your down fall. This man is in control of your life right now. If he allows you to have a good day than he feels you should be thankful. He is supreme in his mind, knowing everything necessary to his world. Knowing how to manipulate you for his benefit. Don't this just piss you off? Take the anger and use it as your strength. Fight for your life and happiness! One last thing I want to say which is too true is we teach others how to treat us. Really think about that statement and see how it fits into your marriage. I wish the best for you! Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 7

You have to take the first step to understand that no matter what happens, everything will be ok - if you leave. If you continue in that type of relationship, it will only get worse and worse until your close to death, at which time your partner will show remorse, because he has controlled your feelings and when your feeling bad for him, he has won the game.

Don't stay if your not happy and if this is not what you want. As long as your working, you can take care of yourself.

Time to run!

Answer 8

From what i understand is that you are unhappy with the situation that you are in and i think that it is awful.. your husband first of all has no right to be Emotionally Abusive to you... that is wrong and you need to step up and tell him that he needs to stop and if he doesnt then you are going to leave.. i think that you need to make a decision on what you want...things can only get worse.. and i have a feeling that it will if you dont step up...Good luck!

Answer 9

If you say that it has gotten progressive worse then it is time to move on. If you feel like he abuses you emtionally then you need to go to a womens shelter and have a order of protection put aggainst him. First he will start with the emotions then he will probably start with the fist later on. You need to get out.

Answer 10

hun u ned to get away and fast hes bound to start physical abuse dont b afaid to start over it will b for the best if u have a good relationship with ur mom tell her wats going on but u need to tell the son of a ***** husband of urs that its over and its his fault grab ur stuff and leave and dont go back if hess doing all this to u u deserve much better than him and hes already pushed u to far if uve got a good job get an appartment or stay with ur mother or fther if they are still around crash at a good friends house u need out of this marrige its only going to get worse dont let him control ur life its ur not his hope u get out soon
-kay