my husband wants to have a threesome with another man?

Question

We've been together for 3 years and have a 10 month old baby and now he's asking for a threesome with a guy. He's really getting persistent about it. I think that I will enjoy it although I am nervous and have a bit of a moral objection to it now that I am a mother and I don't know why? What do you think? Am I unjustified in my hesitancy or is he asking for something he shouldn't. I want to give him what he wants, I love him, and I do think it will be fun. But again, I don't know if it's right for me or the kind of relationship I want to have with him.

my husband is not interested in having any contact with the other man. He just thinks it would be hot to see me with another guy and for them both to ah "do" me at the same time.
and the choice of a man is up to me.
I've asked if this will hurt us later and he says that he will never do that and just thinks it would really turn him on.

Answer 1

Marriage is suppose to be between one man and one woman. Don't let him drag you into something like that. It will end up bringing you down, and your marriage. Its not worth it. Make him treat you as someone special, you are. As his wife, he shouldn't be asking this of you. This is just a sexual exploitation and in no way shows or increases his love for you.

Answer 2

It sounds to me like you have already made your decision, but are afraid of disappointing your husband by telling him "no". I don't necessarily think that there is anything wrong with doint it, as long as you both are comfortable and neither of you are being pressured by the other (which you kind of are, I think).

No matter what your husband says, things WILL be different between the two of you. How can they not be? Are you prepared to do it again (I doubt once will be enough); Can you handle if if he wants another threesome down the road, but with another female? He will-no matter what he says and he'll be mad if you say no. Who will the other guy be? You have to be careful about who you pick-will your husband get jealous if it's someone you see on a regular basis? Will your husband be jealous if you enjoy it too much?
If the two of you divorce, would your husband try to use this against you?

Fantasies are best when they are just kept a fantasy. Geneally, when people act on their fantasies, it is not as good as what was imagined. Maybe just "talk" about it and that will appease him.

Don't do anything you don't want to do. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself and your marriage. Only you can decide what is right for you at this point in your life. Good luck!

Answer 3

Sounds like you are very indecisive. Being hesitant should give you a clue that you're not into it 100%. Once you become a mother, some of your opinions change and that is understandable. You are at a point in your life where mothering is your number one job and your husband's request doesn't seem to fit into that persona. Not only do I think your hesitancy is justified, I think it shows you that your level of discomfort can't be ignored.

You mention you think it would be fun and you'd enjoy it. But you are unsure if it's the kind of relationship you want to have with your husband. I think you need to weigh all the pros and cons before you make a decision. Consider the benefits and/or consequences and how both you and your husband would feel after the fact. I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong, I'm just saying you should give considerate thought before getting into it.

Answer 4

Now I definately believe to each his own but I do want you to look at the potential outcomes of this scenario. First of all most if not all men who desire having a threesome with their partner always invite a third female into their lovemaking. This is definately the first male inviting a male in I have personally heard of. Then this brings up an interesting question in my mind...why is your husband interested in bringing someone of the same sex into the bedroom??? This would make me wonder if my husband has bi-sexual tendencies or even gay urges. There is nothing wrong with being gay, bi, what have you, it's just that if he is where will this put you??? See my point??? I just feel that you may need to address this issue on a more physicological way with your husband analyzing his need to have this threesome & try to figure out where it is all coming from and maybe even where it may lead the two of you..... Best Wishes

Answer 5

I don't think it's wrong for him to ask but I think it's important that he let's it go once you've decided. Honestly, I've been in that situation and I can tell you that some guys get more pleasure from their significant other getting the attention than they do for themselves. If that's the case with your husband then I think that's great as long as he gives you some assurance that he won't freak out over it afterward. And make no mistake about it, it may not be his intention but at some point he will want to do the same thing with another female. I'm not saying that he's setting that up but it will come up later. Ultimately it's up to you and he needs to respect whatever choice you make. If you think it would be fun and you don't have a problem returning the favor later(because it will likely come up), then go for it.

Answer 6

Your husband is telling the truth, it is a huge turn-on for many men, and to watch their husband with another woman is a turn-on for many women.

It's normal to have moral objections over it because Western religion has brainwashed us to think that there should be "one and only" for your whole life, especially if you are a woman. Western puritanical thinking has made sex dirty and women "damaged goods" if they are sexually experienced before or beyond their husband. What a bunch of bull-cocky.

Sex isn't dirty. If what you are doing is something you both want to do, and it turns you both on and thus brings you closer together as a couple (which it definitely can), then how can it be wrong?

There will be those that say things like "he doesn't love you if he wants to share you", "It'll break you up", "say good-bye to your marriage", "that's gross", "he doesn't respect you if he wants to share you", etc. But these are the ones that are speaking from personal insecurity, jealousy and fears, and feel that if it isn't right for them than it shouldn't be right for anyone.

The fact is we are all different and it's the differences that make the world go 'round.

My wife and I have been swingers for four years or so, and we've had a great time. When we started we had a great marriage and great sex together. We both also had fantasies that required more than two people to fulfill and we are both confident enough in ourselves, our value to each other, and our relationship that we are not insecure and could explore those fantasies. And our relationship got even better.

Now does this mean that it's right for everyone because it works for us. No. Just like those that wouldn't do it can't say it's wrong for us. They don't know. We've been on both sides of the fence - totally monogamous and consensual non-monogamy - and therefore I can talk with knowledge on this subject.

What you need to do is talk at length with your hubby about it and what it is about it that turns him on and what your fears are, both personal and moral.

Some of it may be that you just had a baby and you are still in that "Mother Madonna" stage where sex is not a huge priority at all. My wife always said it's hard to go from "Madonna to whore" in 60 seconds flat. As we got further away from the birth of our last child that started to change for her and her sex drive came back and her fantasies reignited. There were always there, just suppressed during pregnancy and for awhile after childbirth.

The long and the short of it though is don't do anything you are uncomfortable with. That doesn't mean you always will. Just that you are right now. One of the golden rules of swinging is "you only go as fast as the slowest one in the relationship".

It doesn't sound like you are totally opposed to it, you just need more information before making up your mind yes or no, so you should check-out The Swingers Board Forums for some objective and non-judgmental advice and information. You'll find comments and ideas from newbie and veteran swingers alike. Those that like you are just thinking about it to those that have been doing it for years and years.

Answer 7

To me, it's just all a part of sex. It is strange that he wants a threesome with another man. I mean that's your body, your mind, and your choice. As far as your child is concerned, that's someting he doesn't have to know about. I mean of course he will learn about sex from your or from somebody else, he just doesn't have to know that aspect of it. You are the adult here. Anything is worth trying once. I've been asked to do it, but I haven't done it yet. However, my baby daddy asked for a girl of course. Just sleep on it a day or two. Go to your husband and ask him why does he want a guy and not a girl. He said seeing you with a guy would turn him on but in what way? I mean I hope if he has natural instincts, he would say watching you with a girl would turn him on to. Ask him what his motive is. Talk to some of his friends about it. Ask him has he ever been with another guy before. Don't do it until you get all the facts. But like I said, it's not gross or anything. It's just an aspect of sex.

Answer 8

what about you in all of this? How are you going to feel, why does he want a threesome with another man? How is it going to affect your relationship later? Is this going to be something that is going to happen on a regular basis? Questions you have to ask, boundaries you have to set. Will he hold this against you later? If you are not comfortable with it at all I wouldn't do it. If this is something you can live with in your relationship then fine...but don't be surprised if it goes sour somewhere down the road.

Answer 9

Do not do it, you will regret it. Marriage is not something you play with especially involving a third person. Why does he keep insistenting that it is with another man? Do you husband want to have interaction with this man? The reason I asks, my husband was interested in having a threesome with me and another women. So I said to him that I want it to be with another man and he said HELL NO!! He said that there is no way in hell that he is going to watch another man have sex with me. How selfish is that, so it is ok for him to have sex with another women. We both decided that it was a big mistake and we left it alone. So what ever your decision is Good Luck to you!!!!

Answer 10

This can be a really fun and beautiful thing to do. We have done this. Just be sure you are strong in your marriage and will not let jealousies etc. hurt you. Its normal to wonder about the morality of this, but he is your husband and if you have permission from your spouse it's not cheating. If he really wants this, really consider trying it.