So what's it like at a women's shelter?

Question

I'm thinking about going to one but I wanna know first hand what is it like there and what are the benefits of going there. Will they teach you how to drive so you can get your license and be on your own?? Tell me other stuff you know about women shelters and thanks!

Do they take women who are emotionally abused? and controlled?

Answer 1

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no most shelters won't take women who are *only* emotionally abused, in fact i have yet to see one where this is the case.

Shelters are in place to protect the safety of the abused victim, not give her a place to crash till she gets on her feet

I do not mean to imply that your experience is not in fact abusive, but unless you are physically threatened, you would be better off just ending the relationship with the support of your friends and family members. The women who ARE physically in danger are the ones who need those extra beds in shelters.

On a side note, it should also be mentioned that most shelters, because of lack of funding, are turning away solitary women in favor of women with children. The shelter holds women with children in priority because of the increased number of potential victims. Rare is the shelter now a days that will open its doors to a childless woman, though if you call a few hotlines you might be able to find one (again IF your abusive situation is terms for plausable physical danger)

If your situation is not physically abusive and you just need support right now, hang on to your friends and family members, call those same hotlines and ask about emotional abuse support groups, read self-help books, get into therapy, and get to know you. I'm currently going through the transition from emotionally abusive relationship to singlehood too, so if you need someone else to talk to about this who understands, feel free to e-mail me.

Sorry if what i said about the type of abuse came off as harsh, i just know how badly every single bed at a shelter is needed and that it should go to the people who really need it the most, if you are in physical danger, then that means you.

Take care, and good luck

Answer 2

I have been in a shelter with my 2 children when I was 7 months pregnant with my 3rd. I was escaping from my drug using and physically and emotionally abusive husband. The United Way womens shelter was a life saver for me. They helped me get out of a life threatening situation. It was a small town, but they hid me out and then helped transport me to another town some ways away. I met a friend that has been like a sister to me for the last 20 years. We have been through some of life's most crushing and joyful time together and the shelter was the foundation to a future neither of us could have had a hope or dream of in the situations we had come from. If your life is at the point where you need to escape, look up the United Way and talk to one of the counselors on the hot line. They will give you information and then you have to make the decision if this is the time to make the move. It only works if you are ready to make the change. The statistics say that about 90% of the women go back to their abuser because it is easier to stay with the evil you know than take the plunge into the unknown and try to make it on you own after the emotional beatings you have had to endure. But I am here to say It can be done and it is well worth the effort. I am alive today because I did. But his next wife wasn't as lucky.

Answer 3

yes shelters do take women who are emotionally abused and controlled a very close friend of mine left her abusive and controlling husband and her and her 5 kids were taken to a shelter a few hours away. What they teach you and how your stay there goes varies from shelter to shelter the first shelter showed them around the town gave her some good ideas for homes and took her places to go shopping they were nice and always willing to help she stayed there for a couple weeks and even tho the shelter wasn't in good shape the workers attitudes made it a great place they were moved later to another shelter because of relatives and the shelter they were moved to was in much better shape but the workers weren't helpful what i'm trying to say is it varies from place to place you never know till you get there the shelters did help her get back on her feet.

Answer 4

Yes, they take women who are abused. That is what it's for! Abuse takes all shapes and forms. Physical, emotional, etc., it doesn't matter. Abuse is abuse.

The shelter will give you a place to live and a safe place to be. Most of them will give you some counselling. Most of them have a "safe house" where it's location and existance is highly guarded secret. Virtually, there is no chance where your abuser will come and try to harrase you.

Driver's license? I don't know of any that will actually TEACH you how to drive. They are not licnesed for that kind of activity.

I don't know your situation but if you have no place else to go and you had enough of it, AND you are willing to make an effort to change yourself, you should start the process by calling the place. (they are in the phone book)

Don't expect a hotel room like environment. Expect something like a YMCA or a youth hostel. It is a group housing and it is nothing fancy.

Answer 5

Wild Butterfly, wow, that's a neat surname or nick name.
I've been in a women's shelter before. It's not glamorous but it helps. It is a structured place with rules you must abide by in order to bring about change in your life. It's effective if you want it to work for you. Everything is scheduled and timed. You are in an environment where they group other women who are experiencing similar things in their life.
There is counseling, devotions or sessions where you all meet together and one on one counseling. There are house rules to abide by. You share cooking and cleaning and shopping for groceries. There are certain times that they allow you to go and visit with your family but you must be back at a certain time. If you wanted to go on a trip or visit your family longer, you could not do that in that type of facility. If you could afford to do that on your own then you would not need them. It's for women who are financially challenged and abused physically, emotionally and spiritually. Call women shelters in your area to see how they run their program and if you qualify. You can call United Way, which is a referral organization that will connect you to a women's facility. Call information or 211.

Answer 6

Every shelter is different, and run in different ways.

I worked at a shelter for women with small children who were also suffering from drug addiction and wanted to get clean.

The women each had a chore, and we rotated weekly.
All mind or mood altering substances were banned, including coffee and cigarettes (although many staff turned the other way if they went around the block out of sight to have those) They were all required to go to group twice a week and a interview/job preparedness class once a week and and NA meetings three other days of their choice, since we have many different type of NA and AA meetings in the area. Many ladies also chose to go to church on one day. The point was to keep them busy with learning and doing the right things for themselves, so there was less time for doing bad things.
One thing that is common to every halfway house/shelter that i know of is secrecy. No visitors were allowed, and if a girl was to give out the location she would be evicted that day.
It was fairly expensive, but in many cases covered by insurance.
The girls usually were very thankful to have a safe place to be and instruction in little things they hadn't had before. They learned to open a bank account, write checks, shop for groceries, cook healthful meals for their kids, and learned that love is kind.
Hope this answered at least some of your questions.

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 7

Don't listen to the man in the funny mask (Meat A). He hates women, and of course would have nothing good to say about a women's shelter.
As for the book he's talking about, I would not take his, or wikipedia's word for it. He has an agenda (to spread hate), and wikipedia is about as reliable a source as, well, asking HIM. For all we know, HE could have written that article (and probably did, he has a lot of time on his hands, and is thoroughly devoted to his hate crusade.)
I had a friend who stayed at a shelter with her daughter after she left her coke-head husband who was abusing her. Shelters are not luxury accommodations, to say the least, but she was able to make her daughter feel comfortable, and she said that it gave her and her daughter a chance at a new, and better, life.
Good luck.

Answer 8

I went to one once and it was not what I expected. When I got there I was told I would not be able to leave the premises until 6 months. I would have to quit my job then they would help me find one in 6 months. They woke me up at 6:30am and had scheduled times to eat, pray and had bible study. I dont mind praying and bible study but I do mind someone telling me what to do and when to do it. I was there for a few days due to I was hiding out from my ex husband. I left the shelter because I couldnt handle it. I left back with my parents and it was the best decision I couldve made at the time.

Answer 9

Do not just depend on the shelter - try to get help from multiple sources and keep looking for helpers.
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If things do not work out try the shelter in DeKalb, IL. - Get help from the Salvation Army if possible.
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Do not be too proud to go on welfare for a year. Get ur firearms ID and learn how to shoot and get a concealed carry if possible.
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Answer 10

I volunteered at one where the women were given job training so that they could get back out into the world and be successful on their own. I guess the driving thing depends on your age and if a car is available.