Is it OK to allow your child to see fiance staying overnight?

Question

I have been dating this man for 2 years. He has no children, I have a 8 year old. He and my daughter are very close.

When he stays overnight, he leaves before my daughter gets up. Since we have dated so long, and are working towards marriage, when will it be ok for my daughter to see him staying over? (what I mean is....when she wakes up he is there to see her in the morning, and have breakfast, etc.)

BTW....she has asked several times why he does not stay over sometimes. So it appears that she wants him there.

Any opinions?

Another question.....If something should happen, and we do not get married, would I be scarring my child for life? Putting her through another "divorce"?

Answer 1

I think you should have done it long time ago.

As far as the right time. You will never knoow. However, if she had asked why then she already probably expects him to be there so it will probably would be no big deal.
Further, it may be hard on her that he is not there as she expects him to be there if he was there the night before and that may create some sense of instability in her life which is not good for her. And she may be getting some attachment to him (I dont know how lond she has been aware of his existence, etc).

My advise is let him stay a couple of times and see how she reacts. You dont want to wait too long as you are getting married and you dont want her to plunge immediately into him being there all the time.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

it seems like it would be fine now. the child seems well adjusted and willing to see another man in your life. my question to you is, does your fiance leave because she's going to get up, or does he go to work early? if it's work, then you don't really have anything to worry about, just have him stay over on the weekends or something, and she will see him saturday morning. if he's not going to work, you can do the same thing during the week. you have been dating long enough for him to start spending the night, and since your child seems to be ok with it, i say take a shot at it.

Answer 3

I know in this day and age it is acceptable to have premarital sex, but you need to remember that you are setting an example for your daughter, and the kind of woman you want her to be and if she sees at a young age that this is acceptable then she may try to pull those things on you when she is 16.

I personnaly would wait for her to see him in the morning until you are actually married. I do respect that both of you as adults are keeping her in mind. I think that shows a lot of responsibility for both of you. It is nice to know that there are parents out there who think of their children before they think of their needs or desires. You are doing a great job.

As for her asking about him staying she probably knows other children who's Mommy has sleep overs, so what I would say to her is that well Mommy and ? aren't married and you should wait until married. I know this is very inconvenient for both of you, but it will be better in the future.

Answer 4

In my humble opinion, you are headed towards a lifelong commitment to this man, so I don't see anything wrong with it. It's not like she sees a variety of men coming and going. In a monogomous relationship, there is nothing wrong. I don't think you are sending a bad message at all. If anything, he will have the opportunity to spend more time with her in the mornings, and develop a stronger bond between the two of them.

Answer 5

It varies from state to state actual some states will enable an develop in infant help based upon the 2d spouses revenues. exceptionally if the present help paid is an "adujstment" conventional upon the father's skill to pay. If the adjudicated quantity is say $4 hundred.00 a month and up till this factor he might desire to terrific locate the money for say $250.00 a month then confident your income may be dropped at strengthen the payments to the adjudicated quantity. the actuality that the ex substantial different's modern-day husband makes severely greater would not enter into the equation in any appreciate. Your husband maximum possibly has no longer signed over parental rights to him and he has obvioulsy no longer accompanied the girl so he's under no accountability to help her even nevertheless she is residing in his domicile. (even nevertheless he maximum possibly does so with ease from a ethical point of view afterall she is his spouse's daughter). yet legally his income has no longer something to do with some thing, and neither does her mom's revenues. What has been set down with the aid of the courtroom is what counts, and if it noticeably hurts your ability on your lives jointly it relatively is purely too undesirable. You married a guy or woman with bags...you will possibly desire to have stumbled on the best deal there became as quickly as related to his "bags" in the previous than you married him. Like I suggested it varies from state to state. it relatively is a few element you may probbly might desire to seek for suggestion from a criminal expert approximately. BTW teenager help does no longer constantly end at age 18, watching the terrific way it became as quickly as attached teenager help can very final till the baby is 23 see you later as they're in enterprise. My daughter's teenager help (she is now 21) became conventional with the aid of way of massive apple state and that they award teenager help with the aid of potential of age 21 pondering in kin regulation young ones are minors different than age 21. and thank you to the actuality she is a pupil HER infant help wll no longer end unitl her twenty third birthday or different than she is in any different case emancipated.

Answer 6

Thats so cute! I think it'd be a great idea if your fiance stayed over & had breakfast,etc..It'll get her used to having a dad figure around the house. :]

Answer 7

From what you tell this is a very respectful guy, who is willing and trying to do right. I feel that if this is someone you willing to spend the rest of your life why not......... its not like you kust met him, It is my belief that it will not be a problem she old enought to understand.

Answer 8

NO WAY!!! Get married look at it this way when she gets a boyfriend would you let him stay the night?You need to explain to her that you don't live together till your marrige and FOLLOW what you say!!!

Answer 9

I would talk to your daughter about it, and how she feels before doing anything, but sounding positive!!

Answer 10

You may get one answer here and a different one if you ask in the religion section. So make up your own mind.