ok he doesn't want any kids what to do???

Question

It has been a week that my boyfriend has told me he doesn't want any kids mind you he already has two in another state that he pays child support to his exwife for. He is a great father. He is 30 and I will be 25 next week. I want a family one day at least one child in my life of my own. We even talked about it and he understands if I don't want to be with him anymore but I just couldn't make him move out. Like i said it has been over a week now and It is still killing me inside. I had the chance and I didn't break up with him. I don't know just how to say I can't be with you anymore. I guess it is because I keep hoping he will change his mind. What would you do in my situation????

I already told him I respect his decision completely my deal is why is it so hard to leave someone you love so much and the main reason is because he doesn't want children. I know what I have to do but how do I do it what do I say? How ?????

He told me months ago that he would love to have one more child and with me. NOw all of a sudden he changed his mind.

Answer 1

As hard as it will be you really do need to sit him down and tell him that you know in your heart that you really want kids one day and if he doesn't want anymore, it's kind of silly to spend any more time in a relationship that doesn't have a future.

Answer 2

i know that it will be hard, but tell him that you want a kid and if he doesn't then you think that yall should break up. Tell him that you want to have a family...the whole package. If he still doesn't want a kid, you have to leave him if this means alot to you. You will not be 25 forever!! You need time to get out there find another man that wants a family and have a kid...
I woild have left my husband if he would have told me that he didn't want kids when we were dating. We now have a 2 1/2 year old and a 10 month old. I am 23. I don't know what i would do without kids. Kids will always be there even if the relationship never works out. That is the good thing about having kids. You could never love anything as much as your own child!! Have one...they are the best, especially when they are your own!!!

Answer 3

Honey - if he has children and says he does not want anymore, he is being up front with you. If you want children then you must let him know. He made it clear to you and now you have to sit him down and let him know how you feel. Tell him you need to talk to him and tell him that he may have children but you would like at least one of your own. Tell him that you love him but it will be a problem for you to let it go any further because you both have different desires. It wouldn't be fair to either one of you any other way. What would you do - marry him and then get disappointed when he doesn't change his mind? What if you got pregnant and he didn't want the baby? That's a whole new issue. Maybe if he sees that you are serious and will let him go - he will change his mind after some thinking. But you have to be prepared to let him go and start over with someone does want children. I know that you must care for him, so it kind of hurts , but you want and deserve the things that you want in life too. Good luck - I hope it works out.

Answer 4

If having a child means so much to you in later life then simply ask your boyfriend if there are any chances of him changing his mind at a later time. If he say's that there is no way that he wants any more children, then simply tell him that he has 2 weeks to find another place to live because you have got to get on with your life. Problem solved.

Answer 5

He's not raising his kids, how can he be a great father, he's not there. Great fathers are there, not just righting a check. I have 24yr old daughters and this is what I would advise them. You need to move on. He is past his desire to have kids and you are barely into it. He will not change his mind. He's already shown he isn't a responsible husband and father, he's not going to change for you or anyone else. You will end up unhappy or he will be unhappy. Break up and tell him why, and move on. This isn't the man who has been waiting for you to enter his life, because this man doesn't want the future you want. Pay attention to that. Good luck.

Answer 6

Him changing his mind about children with you would put up a big red flag for me for one. Saying a month ago he wanted to and now all of a sudden he does not want to...something to think about.
How to tell him?...Be blunt and to the point...I love you but I also want children. If you don't want to give me this gift, then it is time we move on and find people that want the same things as we do.
Bottom line is if you want a child, it is not going to be with him. And if you are thinking about trying to get pregnant behind his back ( I hope you are not) then that is way wrong and will cause major problems for you.
Seems like you don't want the same things out of life...there are lots of other people out there...yes, you can fall in love again. Stay and resign yourself to the fact you will not have children or move on and find someone to love who loves you back and wants kids too.
be cool...

Answer 7

I don't think that he may not want kids with you ever....he may just be thinking about how much more he may have to pay...if he should ever end up in court for the baby that you want to have...child-support is no-joke..they don't care if your the perfect father or not...all they want is the payments on time and straight out of your check...don't take it so personal because he may already be thinking that he's working for free...because they can up the payments any-time the x or the mother say's it's not enough...so just try to understand his situation...he'll change his mind just have patients and bare with him...because it's not fun working hard and you get your check and look at it and say...WTF!!!!

Answer 8

I don't want any kids either, and no one, including my current fiance, who has other kids from his first wife, and is a great father, will not change my mind. All of Heavens Angels cannot change my mind, and all of Hell's fires cannot change my mind. (I have a sixteen year old from my ex-husband, so been there, done that).
When someone tells you something this fundamental, believe them, and count on the fact that you cannot change them. Obviously, you want to be a mom, and no one should take this away from you. I suggest you move out yourself, or end the relationship sooner rather then later, because it will be easier to meet someone who wants the same future as you do.

Answer 9

If you stay with him, you need to accept the fact that he doesn't want more children. Just because he has 2 already doesn't automatically mean that he'll want to have more. I have 1 child and I don't want more. I'm 32 and the way I look at it, I don't want to start all over again with an infant.

I understand why it's upsetting to you because you want a family. But you need to make a choice. If you stay with him, you won't have kids. I'm not saying that to be cold, it's the truth.

Answer 10

I doubt he will change his mind if he has 2 already.
You need to evaluate your dreams for the future. If a family is what you want, then the urge will only increase as time passes, and you will end up:
1, feeling resentful towards him and his decision or
2. get pregnant anyway and he will resent you

Find someone that has equal goals in life. You will be much happier in the end. Love is necessary, but not the only ingredient in a marraige.

Answer 11

If having a child is that important to you...and he has said that he definitely doesn't want anymore kids...you need to end the relationship. At least he has been honest. I wouldn't stay with him in the hopes he may change his mind...you may be waiting a very long time.