This is a question mostly for psychologist, counselors etc: but anyone can answer.?

Question

I have been getting these angry responses from strangers for years now, etc: like people turning away from me, avoiding looking at me, rolling there eyes in intense anger at me or when I walk in the door the entire room is looking and staring at me angrly and whispering to each other while looking at me. Now I have often been told that my normal facial expressions looks angry(but I am not angry). These people are strangers to me. This behavior happens within minutes, what is happening and WHY? If it is my facial expression, it is wrong to judge me on one thing alone? Most of the time I have'nt even spoken a word yet? Also a lot of the times my own mother is with me when these things is happening. She says nothing while it is happening, when we are alone I ask her about the situations, and she flat out lies to my face and says she did'nt notice anything. As I started earlier this has been going on for years and my mother has been with me most of the time. Why is she lying to me?

Answer 1

This is difficult to explain in this kind of format. What you're feeling from others is called "projecting responses."

Let me see if I can explain this without making you feel as though I am putting you down or pointing fingers. I am not. This is without the benefit of tone or inflection, please understand that.

When we are young, we "feel" certain things. Through a series of events we either feel "rejected, sad or angry" with the outcome of those life experiences. Those issues are "triggered" within us by someone else's social behavior, someone's words, or someone's body language.

With that said, what's happening to you is that you have a "trigger" inside. When you go out you feel that people are going to be disappointed with you. That they will "reject" you with their stares or glances. That you will "not fit in,." Am I right?

You're projecting that which you fear and in return are getting exactly the response you are most afraid of. The only way to combat this is to be honest with your self. To identify what's made you feel this way to begin with and then to understand that you're going to have to do some homework. You're going to have to do whatever it is that will make you feel confident enough so that you're not so afraid of their rejection. That might be a tough one as you're so young.

Like I said, it's hard to explain here. You will get there though. You're a good person. Stop beating your self up.

Answer 2

Human beings communicate with more than words. Since this pattern of reacting to you with anger has been going on for a while, and has happened with several people, you need to look at what is causing it. What are the messages you silently send to people when you meet them? You need to look at not just the clothing you choose, but your overall style. As to your facial expression, you need to see what you can do to make yourself appear more open and friendly. An eyebrow re-shape could help, you don't say what other features make you appear angry, but if your habit is to frown, you need to practise changing it. No, it is not wrong to form an impression about you right off the bat. I do it, you do it, we all do it. As animals, it is one of our forms of protection. The great thing about it though, is that you can manage the signals you send out. It just may take a little work. Also, it's possible that this has happened to you enough that you are hyper-sensitive about it. That's normal too. Your mother may also not want to address this, as she is not equipped to be honest and deal with it. Try to enlist the help of a trusted adult. Is there a woman whose looks you admire that might assist you in this? And you need to really try to change it. The kind of reactions you get from people is not something you want to live with...either in your professional, or personal life. Best wishes in your journey.

Answer 3

Accessory wise are you wearing a t-shirt, necklace, anything that could be considered distasteful? If you're not and if you're not making faces at people or being rude to others or publicly with your mother...it could be most of these people are responding to something/someone other than you. It might be their own personal issue. A lot of people do self-talk and respond expressively to what they're feeling inside. You might be feeling a bit paranoid and your mom, in reality, has no idea what you're talking about because she doesn't see it. When this happens again tell yourself that chances are they are reacting to their own stuff or someone else, not you, and just carry on with your day. You might even be thinking people are reacting to you so you feel sad, angry or whatever, then you do make a face responding to what you're feeling inside and THEN you have an angry face that others may be reacting to.

Answer 4

Everyone isnt staring at you! Why we think we are so important and that everone is worried about what we wear or what we look like is not true. Noone cares, they are busy with their own lives and insecurities. Your mom isnt lying, she doesnt see these people staring you down that dont even know you. And if you look angry all the time try to smile more and see what kindof a response you get then

Answer 5

It sounds like you are projecting. What I mean by projecting... it is not likely that all of these people are actually responsing to you the way that you interpret them to be. You may very well be attaching your own thoughts (stemming from a lack of self-confidence or self-esteem) to the people around you. Try this... this is something I assign to my patients all of the time: when you are walking around or otherwise encountering other people, tell yourself that everying one you see is thinking wonderful things about you. It helps if you can pick a couple of things that you really like about yourself (such as: having nice eyes, being friendly, or simply something nice about an item of clothing you are wearing)... then when anyone looks your way you just tell yourself that they are thinking one of those things. Even in the unlikely event that they are thinking something horrible about you, it won't matter. It is all about what you tell yourself. What you tell yourself IS your world! So why not start giving yourself more positive messages?

Answer 6

mothers pretend not to see alot,to avoid confrontation, do not worry about that.
most of the time it is about body language if you come across negative people will mirror that image. sometimes in a defensive way sometimes in a subconscious way (they dont realize they are doing it) just try Smiling and and coming across confident and positive and people will mirror it back to you, I'm guessing you are around 11 to 17 because this is very common also i will guess people tell you you have an attitude problem and you have no idea what they are talking about?
Just try what i say and if it doesn't work i will give you something else to try.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

It sounds to me like you are completely paranoid. You should seek counseling about this. If your mother says she didn't notice anything, then there was probably nothing to notice. She is most likely not lying to you, you are just overreacting. I would first go to a doctor and get a complete physical to rule out any physical issues and talk to the doctor about recommending a therapist.

Answer 8

As a professional, I would recommend having a colleague sit in with you on a session. They will be able to observe both you and your clients and then be able to offer feedback on what may be happening that you missed. This is a process in reflective counseling that helps strengthen your practice as well as increase awareness.

Answer 9

Yes. For all such doubts, first please consult your beloved parents. Secondly you can also discuss with any of your near and dear friends or relatives on whom you have full faith plus whom you admire most. Thirdly you may take opinion from some good Samaritan neighbors in your own colony. Fourthly, you may take guidance from your counselor/mentor. If nothing works, please pray honestly and sincerely with ardent devotion. Prayer does lot of wonders like a miracle. Sound is not clearly audible. Please talk louder. It is not annoying.

Answer 10

You are not alone, I have a friend that has it much worse than you, and as far as mothers go, they will lie not to hurt your feelings!