what my husband said to me?

Question

Last night i got into an argument with my mother and my husband called to say he was coming home from work. i waited for him and the min he came in, i said i need to speak to you i am in so much pain, all he could say to me was, he was hungry and doesnt have time to listen to me. mind you i am 5 months pregnant and helping him get his greencard.
what do you think i should do here? i have been married less than a year.

some people have been harse, i have neglected to mention he beat me till i was unconcious once because i didnt have his food ready for him and also because i dodnt do his school work for him. i am in a very abusive marriage and know oneday i will have to leave but in the meantime i need help coping. i dont even live with him anymore. he was visiting me at my mothers house to eat food she cooked!

Answer 1

Should of thought about all this before you married him and got pregnant with his kid. I would stay away b/c then he'll not only beat you but your child as well. Get help for yourself and your baby!! Screw his greencard ship him back to where he came from you'll be better off.

Answer 2

Not knowing the whole story I can only generalize. If you are the type to complain a lot maybe he just didn't want to be hit on the minute he walked through the door. Everyone needs a bit of quiet time when they come home from work to unwind.
However, you have been married less than a year and already he is not acknowledging your feelings or showing interest? I am wondering how long you knew him before you married. If not that long then it seems to me he is with you mainly to obtain his green card.
If he gives you such little attention while your are pregnant with your first child, which should be a happy occasion, I would be prepared for a rocky marriage.
You really need to give more information about the entire relationship to get a rational and intelligent opinion.

Answer 3

This is not about a "green card" or the fact you are pregnant. I think what we have here is a failure to communicate. There is something/s about him that you saw that you decided to marry him and have a baby.

Don't know where your husband is from, but I do know there are cultural differences in every country regarding relationships and marriage, what do you know about Hi's culture? This not about "if you really love me," or "if I do this for you, you should do this for me." "That is not fair to him or you, and not a good premise to start a marriage.

For example, I am from Hispanic decent, born and raised in this country, however, for Hispanics (like in this culture) family is very important, there is a tendency not to take sides in family disputes that would alienate a member of the family, specially, mothers, fathers, because we have such a high respect for them.

In this culture (US) we are more open to talk about family issues or go to counseling, this is not so easy for other cultures. I would suggest that you feed him, when he is more relax, try talking to him again.

Is there someone else in the family (church) you can speak to? Hope you and mom are back on speaking terms, remember you guys have been married for less than a year, so easy does it. Wish you the best.

Answer 4

WOW, I guess I could assume the worst, like he's useing you to become a resident of the USA, but lets just start at the basic, obvious stuff!! What a jerk, not only are we very emotional during pregnancy, but out of common desentcy, and respect for one another, communication is very important in any relationship!!! When he hasn't just walked through the door from working all day(which doesn't make it all right), but let him either wind down or do it on his day off. Sit him down and tell him that he hurt your feelings, and be honest!! I would say that if it continues, seek counseling. If he refuses to go and the problem gets worse, you need to re-evaluate why you got married, and your relationship for the past whatever yrs.! Remember, It's nice to have the family dream, but in the long run you don't need to have him around to be a perfectly good mother and parent to your child, and if the stress and problems in your marriage continue, it does much more harm to your baby, then raiseing her/him as a single parent and daddy visiting!! We must make sacrifices, and choices for the benefit of our children constantly(thats why unselfish people get divorced, it's just better all the way around). I know I am one of those single mothers, and my sons father and I are better as friends, but if we would of kept on going, we'd of hated eachther, and my son would of suffered!! BUT thats way down the line of options for you, start with what I said at the beginning!! Good Luck, God Bless, and congratulations!!!

Answer 5

My Grandmother, who was married to my Grandfather for over sixty some years, Once gave my mother this advice, in which my mom gave me, once I got engaged.
"It is the woman who decides the type of music that plays in her household", and most importantly.
"Let your husband sit down first. Let the man eat in peace. Do not start in on him the moment he walks in the door. For God's sake. He is not your punching beg. Ask him how his day was. Let him unwind. Then, after he had his meal and a chance to freshen up, tell him about your day, your issues, and ONCE IN A WHILE, have a peacefully romantic evening, without bringing up any conflicts."
My parents have been married for almost forty years.
So this must work.
Good Luck.

Answer 6

Is it possible he only married you to get that green card? I think you need to drag his butt into marriage counseling. He is obviously insensitive. It is even possible he doesn't care, and you need to know this before you continue on with this marriage. Make an appointment, then tell him how he made you feel and that you insist on going. If he won't go, then go yourself. Sometimes the other spouse will end up going when they find out you're going anyway. If not, you'll still get a lot out of it, and you'll know where you stand. Good luck!

Answer 7

He worked all day and was hungry. Feed him don't hit him at the door with your problems. That has happened a million times in my marriage and we have been together 46 years.
The whole world is not about you? You seem to feel because he isn't legal that he should spend the rest of his life at your feet feeling grateful for you. He is a man who works for a living cut him some slack. If you divorce him for something this minor. Your next marriage will fail because of some other minor fault. No one is perfect, the kids today think that marriage is all about them and their happiness.
It takes two people working together to make a marriage work. Now if you said he came home with another women and wanted a three some? Or he spent all his money on drugs? or gamblers took his last paycheck?
The man simply wanted to eat before hearing all about your problems.
There are reasons to leave a man here they are memorize them:
Alcoholic, dope addict, gambler, wife beater, willful none support. Drug lord or sells drugs. In with a group of men who break others legs for some loan shark. Steals cars for a living. Or other criminal activity. Wants kinky sex like a threesome or tie you up. Adultry and dating other women.
Sits in front of a computer watching porn. Or has a house full of Child Sex porn magazines.
There was others similar to these, the counselor at school gave it to the young girls and said pin this up on the wall and if your husband does something that is not on this list.
The best course is to just for get about it.
He is a man, they are not the best listeners in the world.
Get use to it honey that is what guys do.

Answer 8

Pack up and get ready to leave. You'll find out all too late that he doesn't care about the fact you're having his child. He's a typical macho type and (if Spanish or Mediterranean Arabic) put themselves way over and above you in importance on anything and you're only there to provide him food, clean clothes and sex.

Answer 9

Wow...nice guy. He "doesn't have time" for his pregnant wife? Is he that stupid? No offense. But also, what are you doing, helping him get a green card and bearing this man's child, when he in fact is not acting as a man from this country should?
I would do what you feel is right. Honestly if he's that insensitive to you now in your worst times, I don't see a happy future.

Answer 10

well ok now. that is something i would have seriously though about befor i got married. i dont think i wouldve married him becuz u will honestly never know if he truly cares about u. Example. Brittney Spears and K-Fed. he had a pregnant girlfriend at the time. RICH WEALTHY WIFE or pregnant out of work use to be actress girlfriend? DUH its a no brainer .she should have seem that coming . my point to u GREENCARD LEGAL CITIZEN or stuck were iam ? sorry for saying that but he would say and do anything for that greencard.