I have had an abortion and am suffering with depression?

Question

I wanted to keep it at first but things got so bad with my partner I knew I couldnt bring it into the world.
It has been two weeks now and this past week everything seems to have caught up with me.
I cant stop crying, I am sitting at work with tears in my eyes desperatley trying not to but as soon I went to lunch i just got in my car and cried and cried.
I cant deal with living like this I feel so alone, everything in my life seems a million times worse than usual I feel like im never going to be happy again...

I am no longer with the man after this

Answer 1

I'm very sorry to here of what has happened,and the way you are now feeling.Unfortunately under the circumstances your feelings and depression are normal.
Visit your local doctor,he will give you advice and arrange for you to get some help via counciling.
I commend you on being brave enough to pose your question on this site,its not an easy thing to talk about.
16yrs ago my partner and i had 3 young children,and she fell pregnant again.
We discussed our feelings and options,and felt another child would be to much and i stood by what we decided.
She had an abortion on 14th November 1990,and i went with her to the hospital.
Immediately after she fell ill with depression,we went to the doctors and she was put on anti-depressant tablets.
It took her along time to get anywhere near back to normal,and i was right there at her side.
Then some years later she fell pregnant,she gave birth to our daughter Josie on 14th November 1994.
We are brought up by our parents to have certain values,when you are pregnant you have a baby.
When we go against these values,our minds work overtime trying to cope with the conflict it is dealing with.
Get help right away,do not try to cope alone as this will only make things worse.
You will never forget the decission you made,but will be able to go forward and live a normal life.
We have always regreted our decission,but with help we moved on and now have 5 children and are very happy.

I send all my best wishes to you,and hope you get through this with love and help.

Answer 2

Hi Cara, you poor thing... I know exactly what you're going through. I had the exact same experience 3 years ago.... it was the most difficult decision of my life - one I beat myself up about both before and after the termination. For about 6 months afterwards I told myself if I had my time back I wouldn't have gone through with it... Now, however, with time and clarity, I realise that I made the right decision. I firmly believe that every baby who is brought into this world should be wanted. You made your decision because the time and the circumstances weren't right for you. I spent weeks on sleeping tablets and valium after my abortion - as they were the only way I was able to cope at the time. I didn't have the support of my partner as he turned out to be a horrible person who had been cheating on me all the time. We don't need men like that in our lives... we need ones who will support us and therefore, for you, you made the right choice.

Is there anyone you can confide in? Is there a friend you are sure won't judge or vilify you? Maybe you could meet them somewhere private for a coffee and a chat? So what if the tears start flowing... that's all part of the healing process. People here will judge you for your decision.... ignore them and stay safe in the knowledge that there are people out there to help.

Your time will come to have your babies and that time will be when you are with the right person, someone who will love you and your children and not bring any harm unto you. Check out imnotsorry.net and read other women's experiences...

If you need to talk some more, feel free to e-mail me. Give yourself time... that's what it'll take to feel better, but one day you'll realise you made that decision for the baby and for you! x

Answer 3

I have been suffering from post partum depression for the past one year when I gave birth to a baby boy. I couldn't stop thinking about how my husband loves him more than me and how things might be better if he wasn't born at all. Thus, I stayed away from him because I knew that I might do something I will regret for the rest of my life.

Almost instantly I went to a therapist and convince them that I need help. Among other things, I've tried herbal supplements and other book to treat depression but nothing works like the Depression Free Method. So now I'm proud to say I'm one of the happiest mother in the world. My husband loves us both very much and I thank the Lord for the blessing he gave us.

Depression Free Method?

Answer 4

Aaw babe life only works out for the best. God is aware of ur judgement as he also knows ur strength. Trust that whatever u go thru is exactly what is supposed to happen. I was in a similar situation 3 years ago and I cant say that im healed bc i want a baby more than ever b4. the pain was unbearable and made me feel inhumane. i felt so alone and abandoned, by my boyfriend i felt so lost yet trapped. But after a while I accepted the fact that it had already happened and no longer a part of me. I learned to accept and forgive many things I was unable to understand. I was 18 and naive, I long for a fairytale life..but realized that life will always have its ups and downs.

There is no advice I can offer other than keep ur head up ma, look for the new possibilities that opened up for you...you can continue w school, earn much more money no worrying over babysitters, etc also talk to ur mother or grandmother it has some sort of healing effect. what doesnt kill u only makes u stronger-I can promise you that now u will have a new perception of life and u r going to know exactly what it is u need and want outta life. Stay up sweety.

Answer 5

It is normal to feel this way, depression after an abortion is something quite common. And as far as i can understand, the rest of your life is not exactly a big help either.
You dont say a lot about your partner, but the simple fact that you aborted means you dont trust your relation will be going too far. You need to bring in your life something that could make you forget everything, dont give yourself any time for thinking and being sad. Get busy! The perfect solution for a lot of problems comes when you put it aside and not think about it.

Answer 6

(hugs) I am so sorry hon, you really need some counseling, check in your area to see if there are some planned parenthood places, if so they have excellent counseling. I have never been in your situation, and I cannot imagine what you are going through. But you really need counseling, stop blaming yourself. Also I would consider the relationship that you have with your partner, and maybe this person is not the best person suited for you. Also you may want to check with the place where you had the procedure done, and usually the can give you the name of someone to talk too. You will be happy again, and you will get over it, and you are not alone, My prayers are with you, don't beat yourself up okay, don't blame yourself, but do get counseling. You can email me anytime, please let me know how you are doing ok. Look up, things are never as bad as it seems, you will get through this it may take some time, but you will get through this, and someday the opportunity will present itself again for you to me the mom that you are designed to be. (BIG HUGS TO YOU)

Answer 7

i have never personally had an abortion so i cannot really say that i can understand what you are going through. you will probably never forget the child you never had but you have to overcome whats happened and look to the future. you were pressured into having an abortion- and this happens to many women but you will just have to live you life and maybe have some children down the line where your circumstances are diffrent and you are able to ensure that your child will be happy. you done what you believed to be best and you are grieving, i suggest you get on with life and remember that what you done was not all your fault. take each day as it comes.
hope this helps

Answer 8

Thats really brave of you to teminate the procedure rather than run into obvious dificultys later. I'm a single man in my mid-thirtys and even I get parentally nostalgic at times. "The easiest thing to do is to just get someone banged up and leave them". This is how some people think! In order to spread their genes I mean, what are they like. Some people just have them to get benefit and a better standing on some housing/deportation list! You've done nothing wrong, in fact you've everyone a favour by thinking twice about your own future. Good luck

Answer 9

Obviously that's not something you wan to fool with. Community clinics usually act on a sliding scale being as low as 20 a month or even possibly have other sources. After that here's a good web site, but don't neglect step one. Answers is not just a website. These people who come on here are caring and are here for you anytime, night or day. Remember, the past doesn't exist any more only now and if you forgive yourself God and we all do too. Best wishes, prayers and love. Out of out deepest hurt comes our greatest growing. We all are learning, don't be hard on yourself, please.

Answer 10

hunny im so sorry.. but time is a healer and if your not still with the man it sounds like he was not very nice anyway.. go and see a close friend and talk about it or counselling may help..

i know it wont seem like it to u now, but i promise you things will get easier over time. when you find a guy who really loves you then you could try again if you wanted to.

Take care and i hope you feel better soon,
Theres a guardian angel watching over you .
x