i need help fast!?

Question

my husband started a new job and is 3 weeks into training. this is his last week. at the start he mentioned that there was an old lady that lives a couple of streets over from us and in the same street as my uncle. well at the end of 2nd wk i found a piece of paper on fridge with her name address hm ph and mobile on it my gut feeling was he's been takin her to work. the next morning i followed him and i was right. he said he didn't mention it to me because it wasnt a big deal. how can you take someone to work and home everyday and not mention it to your wife. we have been fighting on and off since i found out. i just cant except why he never mentioned it. i ask him all the time is something going on and he says no she is an old granny & i tell him i dont know that for sure. he then said if i want to meet her she hangs out at the local pub. i dont like him taking her to work regardless of her age. i just cant get my head around it im going crazy with thoughts he is having an affair.

what do you think?

he told me he is just do her a favour. but why do i suspect otherwise. i got annoyed that she changed my seat setting and so i moved it so she had to sit upright. my husband noticed that and then when he got home from work he layed it all the way down. i got so mad and upset saying that he is doing stuff with her. he then said it was a joke that he did cause of the way i fixed the seat. the funny thing is it was only last night i sat him down and asked him agin if was having an affair with her and he said no that i have nothing to worry about. i told him that no matter how hard i try i dont like him taking her to work. and then he pulls a joke like that. is this normal?

im going crazying with thoughts i her giving him head jobs why he is driving that he goes into to her house when he drops her off and is having sex with her. im checking the car to see how hot the motor is when he gets home checking his clothes i cant handle it anymore. just the thought that something could is making me depressed .

the other day he left for work and then came back 10 minutes after i heard him get his lunch as he forgot it. i then looked out of the window as he drove off (it was dark) and saw her in the car. i then asked him later that day if she knew where we lived and he said no. i then told him that i saw her in the car that morning as he drove off. he then said that she was. why lie about something stupid like that?

Answer 1

That's definitely not a normal and healthy situation.
Your husband is not being very helpful here, and although he might just want to make a point, that probably that he can still make his own decision, he's definitely going the wrong way by it.
Specially since he can see how upset this is making feel.
It's true, how do you know that she's an old lady and why is he so keen to take her to work and let her ruin his family life and why above all did he keep it a secret.
If I were you, I'd definitely go to that woman's house and see who she is.
At the end of the day, she travels in your car every day, and has now come into your life.
So, since your husband is not prepared to do something about it, and it's making you ill, then take matters into your hands SENSIBLY by confronting the woman.
Hello, my husband tells me that he's been taking you to work every day, but I am afraid this can't go on and I would appreciate it if you remained out of our lives.
If she's honestly an old lady you won't have to, if she's not that old, she'll get the message.
If it still goes on, you'll know that something is going on and that your husband is spoiling for a fight and for you to accept that he has a mistress.
Then you can decide if you need marriage counselling or rethink your marriage's vows.
Good luck.xxx

Answer 2

i would go see and talk to this lady. best way to find out about what is going on before i'd get a divorce is, become friends with her. this way you can kinda feel (in your gut) if he is telling you the truth.
sounds to me like if he didn't tell you, you must be a very jealous wife, maybe he has had an affair on you before, or maybe you've had an affair on him. when one or the other spouse's cheats on the other that is when the mistrust starts.
there is much to a marriage. you have to work at it same as a job. the most important thing in a marriage is trust. if neither of you have had an affair on the other, then try to straighten this thing out. if either of you have had an affair on the other, then the trust has to be earned back. God Bless.

Answer 3

It sounds to me more that you have insecurity issues? Guys can be not so bright at times but they are smart enough not to start an affair with a woman who lives in the same street as you uncle and leave her number on the fridge. She is an much older laday and you said you don't care what age she is, do you tend to get jealous easily, which causes problems? If so that would explain why he did not tell you. I would suggest if you often have intrusive thoughts regarding your husband cheating and he has never done so in the past to seek counselling, which you doctor can assist with. If you are overly jealous and continue, that is the best way to get him to cheat.

Answer 4

The worst thing is not knowing. I mean. He offered you to meet with her, why don't you? She might be some sweet old lady, who needs a ride to work, and you will feel better about it. It will settle your suspicions either way, because once you meet the "Old Granny" and she turns out to be an Angelina Jolie look alike than you will know that it's a different kind of ride your husband is taking her on.

Answer 5

My personal opinion is that you are reading far too much into this. Why not meet with her and get the scoop? I would say from your posted question that this isn't the first jealousy shown by you. Maybe you should simmer down a bit and have a little more trust in your husband. I suspect that he didn't tell you about his giving her a ride because he knew how you would react and therefore wanted to avoid it.

Answer 6

hmmm...if he is having an affair he says "nothing to worry about" because his intent is not to leave you...well, geez...and he thinks if he does not leave it's ok to mess around on the side? for God's sake...idiot...that is only if there is something going on...well, you are his wife...your feelings come first...! Always...this other lady can get another ride or take a bus or something else...if he is more worried about this lady having a ride to work than your feelings...he has a huge problem...and if he's going to the local pub w/o you I would definitely worry! How did she get to work before he came along??? hmmm...just my opinion...if you are married you should not ride w/ the opposite sex to work...and that's that...platonic or not...end of story...

Answer 7

it's hard to say, he's either, really stupid, cause he left the paper on the fridge in plain site...

Or he is working on a Classic peice of Deception on you.. by leaving clues in plain site, yet playing with the kitty right under your nose.

Only you know how smart he is... and what he is capable of.

I would take him up on his offer and meet her asap at the pub...

Answer 8

Either your husband has big balls and thought nothing of putting it right in your face or there really is nothing going on. You followed him was she a granny?

Answer 9

Come on, she's a granny, and he put her info in plain sight on the fridge. And he offered to let you meet her. Meet her... I'm sure it is nothing.

Answer 10

I think you need not to let this destroy your relationship, I agree he should have told you. Could it be that he really didn't mention it because of your reaction.
I have a question for you do you trust your husband?
But always trust your instincts.