How do I end a long time affair?

Question

I have been involved with a married man for almost 4 years now. His wife found out about a year after we had started but he didn't leave her and she kept him. We started up again a few months after that and continued for another couple years. I hate being in this affair and I want him to either leave her or stop messing around with me. I have told him this and since we have not done anything but email for the past 3 months and he insists that he still wants to be with me but he just "can't" leave because he is too much of a wussy. He wants his wife to get tired of their loveless relationship and leave him instead of him leaving her. I know I am a fool for even emailing him still but I need to hear it from other people and get some suggestions for moving on.
Thanks!

Answer 1

You're on the right road at least, realizing that you WANT, and DESERVE better....now you need to move on down that road! Change everything that he has access to.....e-mail address, phone number, etc., and move on. Don't continue to let him use you! Easy for me to say, and hard for you to do I know, but necessary, if you want a better life.

Answer 2

How would it be if you were the wife and he did that to you or better yet tomorrow you get married and some man did that to you.Do you think your only worth this?being a mistress to a man who wants to have the cake and bakery too.Seriously any self respecting woman would have not even gotten into an affair with a married man let alone continue it for years.It seems like this man sees you as his mistress and thinks you dont deserve or should be given anything more then a mistress tag.While his wife knows hell never leave her cmon shes the legal wedded wife why would she leave him she knows hes never going to leave her and she knows your just the mistress.Im using the word mistress over and over again only for one reason so you can see the daylight smell the coffee and leave this jerk for good soon.There are hundreds of single guys out there who can give you marriage and kids.

Answer 3

He's a coward, and his poor wife. She obviously knows he is having an affair, but she probably loves him too much to leave. Why? Who knows? Why would you want to hurt his wife and continue this affair? Needless to say you are also hurting yourself. If he hasn't left his wife in 4 yrs what makes you think he will. He won't and waiting for the wife to leave is just an excuse. You don't know what goes on when they shut their lights off at night. He could be telling you its loveless but he may be loving on her. You are not some new fling to keep him from sexually wanting his wife. He has been with you long enough to tire from you sexually too. He must be enjoying getting it from two women. It wouldn't be me thats for sure, the sorry A$$ would have to go.

Answer 4

Well... You could either make him make a choice by telling him you're cutting him off, but then you face the decision he will make. What if he chooses his wife instead of you? Or you could just leave it how it is and hope that eventually he will leave her. I know someone who was having an affair with a married man and she made him choose and he choose his wife so then she stopped messing with him, and now the man and wife are divorced and he doesn't want anything to do with her because she made him choose. It's just a horrible situation for you, you're feelings will be hurt either way, unless of course he leaves his wife and stays with you, but then you must ask youself, if he was cheating on his wife, what's to stop him from cheating on me?

Answer 5

The best thing to do is to STOP emailing him. No matter how hard the temptation is continue with him---you are in an addictive affair, and I sometimes think of affairs as 'sexual highs". You can stop--just dont answer. You know he cant be trusted, and if you get him, he will do the same thing to you.
Walk away--be strong--dont look back, you will find a better life than settling for second best.

Answer 6

Just do it. If he really wanted to be with you only, he would. Right now he's got it made because he still has his family and someone on the side. Don't disrespect yourself any longer by being his mistress. Disappear from his life. Don't answer his calls. Change your email/#'s if you have to. His marriage probably isn't as "loveless" as he wants you to believe. He is just a louse who wants it all. I feel sorry for his poor wife and I question you as well for trying to break up a marriage.

Answer 7

he wants to get her for abandonment...well, truth is, he abandoned her when he started this affair...but, anyway...block him from sending emails...that's all...every email has a blocking system I believe...or, just don't open them...delete them...and tell him to leave you alone...and, if he does not leave you alone and comes over and calls, tell him you will call the police for harrassment...! He knows his wife won't leave him...he's full of crap by telling you this...so you be the one who will stand up to him because he thinks you won't leave him either, lol...! Good Luck! You can do this...! oh, by the way...most blame the other woman...when a man is married...well, he is to blame first...for giving in...he is at more fault than you...I am sure you feel enough guilt already...at least I hope you feel guilt...I just hope this does not happen to you when you are married...=(...

Answer 8

He obviously is not ever gonna leave his wife because HE does not plan to nor wants to. He is only using you for sexual gratification and is telling you what you want to hear in order to keep you pacified. HE IS USING YOU! If this alone is not enough reason for you to end it, then I would suggest professional therapy. You need to see why it is you are settling for crumbs. Besides if his wife ever does dump him, she will only be handing over a man that cheats, what a prize! Come on, get the professional help you need to see why it is you want so little for yourself. Best of luck to you!

Answer 9

how would you feel if he left his wife to be with you then messed around on you? he may not want to leave his wife for you. why? cause he knows he can have you at any time. what he has with his wife is something you will never have with him. all you are doing is hurting yourself. why not find a man that will be tue to you? he's not even a man that is true to his wife.all he has is excuses for not leaving and you being the fool listen to it. what you have with him is what you will always have and that is nothing!!!

Answer 10

you need to quit "cold turkey," change your email address, phone number, etc. don't have any contact with him whatsoever. it will be hard at first, but you have to move on. if you email him, even once, it keeps the whole thing moving on. find some other outlet for your time and emotions. after all this time, he obviously has no intention of leaving his wife. Plus he doesn't have to if he can find a mistress on the side to get the good time with and no responsibility.

Answer 11

I think that you have been very selfish to be honest with you.
How can you ask people to feel any compassion for you when you knowingly broke another woman's heart by trying to steal her husband, which you are still trying to do?
Don't you think you have caused enough damage?
So, you think he's a whimp for not leaving his wife.
You both hope that she should get tired of him, hoping that she will get some sense into her.
Still you've been waiting yourself for four years for a man who clearly doesn't intend to leave his wife?
Does it not tell you something?
I don't want to be judgemental, since I know that you don't choose who you fall for, but it's up to you to choose what you do about it.
Have some self respect and compassion for that poor woman you've been hurting!