How do you do this with your ex wife?

Question

my ex wife was one of those that at the slightest argument or criticism she would feel so much hurt she would have to run away. every little slight became a huge hurt to her when others would just view it as a marital spat. everytime she felt totally hurt, she'd run away...for the weekend, to her brothers, call her mommy. you name it. she was one that ran away from responsibility instead of facing it. she's left me on multiple occassions. she told me that when she left, she wanted me to chase her. What? she learned that from her mother that if you love them, they'll chase you and kiss your butt. finally this last time she left, i didn't chase her, changed the locks and said go find a lawyer. now she's all pissed because i told her parents what she's been up to that they didn't know to get her help (DWIs, expired license, abortion). Now she's pissed and wants to trash me in this divorce. I still love her but will she ever change her ways because she's realizing she's losing me forever?

Answer 1

Sounds like she's very immature. She definitely was not ready for marriage. I know you still love her, but until she learns to stand on her own and get her life straightened out, there is nothing you can do to help her. You are a good man, though, for standing by her through all her immature activities/behavior.
It will take time, but I'm sure you will find someone who will stand by you and not run away every time there is a problem.
Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 2

She is very insecure, she wanted you to chase after her because this is the way she was taught. She has to realize that when you want something bad enough, you have to work at it, and THROUGH it- not run away.
It is a shame she is so immature and it is most likely because her parents spoiled her, always fended for her.

One thing you should be very thankful, you don't have children with her- spouses like this would make for lousy parents because they are still a child themselves and would pose a bad influence on their children.

You are best to keep moving forward, and don't look back.
Hopefully she will come across a situation where she will have no choice to grow up and unforunately I grew up learning to take on responsibility not only after having my child but shortly after that my mother was dx with Parkinson's Disease. I had a huge layout of responsibilities ahead.

You learn that life is not about how much you get out of it, it is how much you give and how you give it. Your ex is far from learning this and you are far more mature than she, this would never work out. Just wish her the best regardless because she has a tough road ahead of her.

As for you, I wish you the best because it sounds like you have had your hands full for sometime, and it is now time to wash them.
Many hugs, don't allow her to pull the guilt trip on you, it will first be anger and rage, almost a hatred to crying and begging. Prepare yourself and stay strong.

Answer 3

These days, a lot of divorces involve trashing the former spouse. I think lawyers encourage this.

She is probably not going to change.

If you do hope to get back together, go to a marriage counselor. The two of you have trouble communicating. For instance: you changed the locks and told her to go find a lawyer. To me, that means !) you don't love her and 2) you want the relationship to be over. But you say that you do lover her, and because you want her to change, I suppose you want your marriage to continue. I am sure you know what you were trying to say by this, but it is confusing to me.

I am sure there is a lot more going on between the two of you that you didn't have space to mention. If there is any chance of saving your marriage, you need to have a professional marriage counselor to be a 3rd person/referee to sort out the problems and get the two of you to work together on solutions.

Answer 4

Well, you don't really have a question here. However, it is so sad in divorce when one still loves the other. My divorce was painful because I did love my husband as he loved me but he would not seek help and when it began to affect the children was when I was out.
8 years later he has not changed. Change occurs when one wants to change tremendously and has the help and support of a spouse to understand this process.
My pain will always be there that I am not married to my children's dad anymore after 18 years. He remarried and has not changed. I have too. I will love him but never ever can live with him.

Answer 5

Even "Hef's" wife did this to him and even he was devastated with this, once they legally separated, he was happy as a clam. Assumming that you don't have Hef's life, I'd say, sorry. I will not recommend divorce, but from her behavior and expectations that are seriously childish, I'd say yes she will regret the divorce if it happens, but this is like the story of the woman that makes up stories of injuries cause they like the attention that they get. You can only hope that she realizes her behavior and changes her ways, but this is something that she learned from her past and liked it, enough that she became like her mother. Most likely, she will find another "victim" to play this on, and the cycle will just continue.

Sorry, I'm sure its difficult.

Answer 6

Wow, she sounds like a mess. Don't play her games....tell her to call you when she is ready to change her life for the better. Tell her you love her and willing to work on the marriage but the nonsense has to go. Get rid of all the negativity in your life (DWIs, expired license, abortion) My God - make a change-is this how you want to spend the rest of your life???????? Don't waste another minute.

Answer 7

she hasent fully grown up.. she sounds like her parents have always done everything for her..
when you two have a discussion, she runs away from it? Sounds like she is immature, and not ready to handle "grown up" business.
It doesnt sound like she will ever change... you've put up with this long enough.
You two were husband and wife, and for you two to not be able to discuss issues that comes up, and for her to run away, that is wrong of her.
Divorce her and hope that she changes her ways someday in the future, and hopes that you find a better wife.

Answer 8

Get while the getting is good. My ex and I went through similar times and I am better off with out her. She did finally relize what she was doing and got some help so she is now better off also. Sometimes it takes a shock to wake some people up to the fact that they need help.

Answer 9

Wow! Similiar to what I went through with my husband as far as running away from the problems and arguing instead up standing up and adressing them like a man. There is nothing that you can do to make her change, she is going to have to wantto do that herself. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 10

Thank you God for not giving this couple children. Dump her,she sounds like a spoiled stupid mental case.Let her parents deal with this. They made her problems.She is not going to change her ways.If this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life,go for it.And,when she has your kids she can teach them the same as her mommy taught her.