My wife and I have separated for the second time in a year. Last year I found some text messages she sent a friend while we were apart. The messages were regarding a guy my wife was attracted to but was "too scared" to call. Later I found this guy's cell phone number on her email at work. Then on one occasion when my wife and I were working outon exercise bikes, I had a hood up on my sweatshirt so you couldn't see my face. The same guy who she was discussingin texts and had his number walked by and smiled really big at her and when he saw me look up he looked away. When I asked my wife about it she got very defensive. Did she sleep with this guy. She says she never talked to him and they only saw each other at the gym. Am I an idiot for believing that?
2007-08-06 21:09:34 · 27 answers · asked by James LA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry, but i'd have to say, use your best instincts...
You know the saying, where there's smoke, there's fire.
And from what i've seen, that's pretty true.
2007-08-06 21:13:26 · answer #1 · answered by Death by cats! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a principle of not giving advise to people who have been married longer than myself, so please don't take this personally. It's just a guess based on your question.
I don't know why you are separated, but I do think you you should concentrate on that than worry about whether she was unfaithful. I have seen to many marriages that have been ruined by "a lack of investment". Like any business, a marriage requires a certain level of commitment from the owners, not just financial, but also in terms of time.
She didn't marry you because she liked being next to you at the gym, my guess is she married you because she thought you were the best man in the world, so my advise is for you to try and be just that. That doesn't mean being a door mat, but it does mean that you love her as, in the words of the Bible, "Christ loves the church". By this I mean be less of a policeman and a bit more of a loving, caring and fun person.
Remember how you were when you dated her? A fun guy! Don't expect that to win her over immediately, it needs time and commitment.
2007-08-07 04:51:11 · answer #2 · answered by Bad bus driving wolf 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear James, yes, you are an idiot, but not for beleiving your wife, rather, for not being able to leave your wife. If you are already seperated, then you have not any legal right to check whatever your former wife does. Actually, you still love your wife. At the same time, it might be possible that you might not been able to satisfy your wife on bed, and therefore, she might be searching for a part timer. So, you are really an idiot.
2007-08-07 04:50:12 · answer #3 · answered by cnkhadga 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think so. If she did you would have seen much more revealing text than you did. I think it was just a flirtation that made her feel attractive and sexy... Your best bet would be to concentrate on "you" making her feel that way, and never mention that old situation again. Don't let her remember the exciting feeling she got from someone other than you!
2007-08-07 04:44:41 · answer #4 · answered by plantasmile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not an idiot...but innocent until proven guilty. Your distrust of her will ultimately doom the relationship for good. She'll use a line like "You pushed me toward doing that", and the bad part is...she'll be right. If you don't trust her at all, time to go. You're only killing youself with what your not sure of.
2007-08-07 04:18:13 · answer #5 · answered by imrt70 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, don't know if she cheated...but, she should not have his cell phone number, at all! she is married...separated or not...with you or not...and that's that...you should separate during marraige to work things out...not to find someone else...and that's what I think...finding someone else does not help matters any...! Anyway, she should delete this email...and no more texting some dude unless it's you or family...and that's that...an ultimatum is in order...good luck!
2007-08-07 07:40:59 · answer #6 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be able to trust someone your married to but if that is not the case you should at least be able to communicate. It is not a good idea to assume either way on something so important. Just ask her.
2007-08-07 04:28:22 · answer #7 · answered by wow 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not sleeping with him. She's just feeling happy that a guy had a crush on her. She feel special. Haven't u had that feeling before? Instead of nagging her about that, why dont you make her feel special again. Dinner, gift or something. Obviously you still love her. Do something about it.
2007-08-07 04:27:33 · answer #8 · answered by pgkia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it all sounds a bit fishy to me if she hasn't cheated already it could be she is thinking about cheating .and that means there is problems within your marriage Cu's if she was happy she wouldn't want to cheat on you. only you know what problems you have in your marriage and you must work on this first. once you have done this the problem should go away
2007-08-07 04:20:16 · answer #9 · answered by David G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to focus more on your marriage as twice separation then you have an issue to solve if cheated or not is not the problem there is something wrong in this marriage you feel it and do nothing about it she feels it too .so just forget it and be positive in your marriage
2007-08-07 04:47:18 · answer #10 · answered by mony y 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋