Ex with new baby on the way?

Question

How do woman get over an ex having a child with someone else when they also have a child to them? We have never had closure and still find it easy to tell each other we still are in love with each other! I look around everyday and see families like this and am amazed and intrigued how strong women can be when put in situations like this! I need help with coping and also how do I ensure my child doesn't miss out?

Answer 1

One thing is clear, when your Ex is having a child with someone else (after he left you), he is no more in love with you. If he says so, it simply means he wants to use you again taking your emotions for granted. If you think you are still in love with him, have an introspection; is it your true love for him or jealousy of seeing him with someone else or it is your insecurity. If it is your true love then why did you let him off the hook in the first place?

Chances of him coming back to you are slim though cannot be ruled out completely. So that your child does not miss out on him, make sure your ex pays for his/her education and upbringing. If he is good person and you are assured that he would be a good father to your child then let them meet occasionally.

Answer 2

When children are concerned they need to come first in any circumstance. If you want to ensure your child is part of his family than chances are you need only ask him. My husband had a child with another girl when he was younger and we now have two of our own but we still include my husbands child in our family . Please do not take out any of your hurts and frustrations out on your child by bashing your ex or threatening your ex by keeping your child away. Yes your ex has an obligation to support your child but don't turn it into a battle. That is the way women in your situation are strong but not only the woman there children as well. If your ex is saying that he still loves you he sure isn't showing it by sleeping with another woman so the best advise anyone can give you is move on and work out a plan with your ex for visitation and support payments maturely.

Answer 3

I don't think your in love with him I think your in love with the idea of being in love. How could he so easily move on and have a child with another woman but tell you he is still in love with you. Don't you think he told her the exact same thing as this child was being conceived. You want something that you cant have his love, trust, respect, and fidelity. You want him to make you feel assured that when the new baby arrives your child wont be left behind. I hate to say it but I know alot of women in exactly the same position as you, and in most cases because the guy knows how they feel about him. He keeps using the child or children as an excuse to climb into bed or anything else. You would be wise to get child support and move on make a better life for you and your child.

Answer 4

I'm not sure of your particular situation, as in how your children's stepmother gets along with your child, but I'd like to share my perspective in case it helps.

I have a baby on the way, my husband has two children to his previous wife. Unfortunately him and the wife don't get along which makes it difficult for the kids, but within our family unit we have a great relationship. I am always respectful of the fact that the children already have a mother - whether I like her or not, or agree with her behaviours, she is still their mother and it's not fair to the kids for me to make any detrimental comments. I think it is with this attitude that the kids can appreciate having two families and they are always treated as having a primary role in our family. I treat them as my own, including encouragement and discipline - I do not intend to change this behaviour at all once the baby comes. In fact, we only ever refer to the new baby as their brother or sister, we don't add any "half" connotations to it - this is to reinforce the fact that they are no less part of the family than the new child will be. We have specifically discussed this with the children as preparation for the arrival - they are loved and will continue to be loved as they always have been, it's just we all get to share more love with the extra family member.

As for the relationship you have with your ex-husband, it's a little concerning that you feel that you're both admitting that you still love each other, especially as he is expecting another child with another woman. I think there is an issue there that needs to be dealt with as these feelings are not fair to either you, your ex, your child or the impending child, dwelling on these feelings can only hurt you all.

I wish you luck and I sincerely hope that the woman that is a part of your child's life is a caring role model and intends to provide a welcoming environment for your child in her and your ex's home so your child (or their newest addition) does not suffer.

Answer 5

The best thing for you to do for your child is model what a healthy love relationship looks like. Time will heal how you feel about your ex. If you allow your child to witness 1)you being duped into believing "you're the one he loves" and 2) His/her papa being a rolling stone ...you'll witness later the real tragedy in how he/she enters into relationships. I have three sons and pray that I don't raise a fool or a womanizer. Good luck to you and your child.

Answer 6

Go to court and get child support.
How can you still love someone that abandoned you and his child? There can no longer be any trust in the relationship, so go for the money.

Answer 7

it just something that you have to deal with the fact that your
ex is with someone else and with a child, but all you can do
is be friends for the your child with that person and move on.
.

Answer 8

IF YOU TRUST IN GOD YOU PRAY BUT FIRST YOU LOOK AT YOUR CHILD WHICH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE AND LIVE. TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS AND EVERY CHANCE YOU GET DON'T LET HIM FORGET ABOUT THE FIRST CHILD HE ALSO CHOSE TO HAVE, HONESTLY IT WILL HURT BUT ONLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE...

Answer 9

You are saying these women are strong? They choose men they know will not make good husbands and good fathers, they get knocked up with out a commitment and then they are supposed to be held up in high regard? I don't think so. They are strong because they have to be, because they cannot make the right decisions in their lives and the lives of their children.

Women aren't put into these situations, they choose to be in them. Next time, get the commitment and get to know the guy before you hop into bed with him. Birth control is cheap and easy to use.

Answer 10

It takes time in order to get over it. You just get over it by allowing yourself time. Blended families are the norm. Telling her that you still love her is not a sure fire way that you will get over her. Just give it time and it will happen okay?