How should I get my fiance to stop trying to make me feel bad, or degrade my old hobbies?

Question

My question is a bit vague, but I'll explain. Since I was about 5 y/o my mom tried to "program" me to be a feature twirler in high school. My adolescent childhood was filled with twirling lessons, ballet and gymnastics to prepare me for marching band. (I never followed through with it in college.. too much drama)

I am now almost 23, and every time I talk about my sports and interests while growing up.. he tries to degrade me. Especially marching band. Like what I did was not important and that twirling or band is "not" a sport. He doesn't understand how much of my life I've put into this "real sport".

He never did anything in his childhood, except watch sports with his dad. Why does he do this to me? What am I supposed to do to forget about him degrading me?

My parents spent at least 10k/year on these activities (for 13 years). On a larger scale, does he think that's just a joke?

Answer 1

You are not going to change him. His disregard for you will continue and heighten. And, you will sicken. That is a fact. Count your blessings that you became aware of this incompatibility in time. He's no good for you and means you harm. Dump him and get as far away from him as possible. Run, don't walk. Speak with a counselor soon.

Answer 2

Not a vague question at all. You've got a classic jerk on your hands. He has to demean what you did so that you'll eventually abandon it and he'll feel like he's on "equal" footing.

Good grief, he doesn't have anything for you to mock back, he's such a potato. How sad is that? Question is, do you want this for the next 50 years? It won't get better. How long before you need lithium or double shots of gin just to put up with his crap?

Or more importantly, what about kids? What if they form a passion for something, he'll do the same to them even more. If he doesn't his wife showing him up, how will we react to the kids if he doesn't approve?

Answer 3

Tell him that he has to learn to respect you even when what you like is not his taste. It is part of being in a relationship. If you are going to marry, he must learn this first if not you will hear his grunting throughout your marriage.

If he cannot accept who you are, it would be better for you to hold your marriage till he can. You are a free person & to do twirling is NOT a bad thing. It is not like doing drugs or something. So i see no reason why he cannot accept that this is your hobby. You are not an extreme twirler, are you? ;-)

Answer 4

Your past is a part of you, and you feel an understandable need to talk about it. He should be alot more supportive, and able to listen to whatever you have to say, if he is going to be your husband. You definitely should not let this slide. He will probablly continue to be unsupportive, or unwilling to listen to your other endeavors down the line. You have to ask yourself if this is really something that you can put up with.
THis could end up making you too bitter to want to talk to him about anything, in the future.

Answer 5

I'm surprised that he turned out to be your fiance...and who's he to tell you which "sport" is a "sport"? He just bums around on the couch watching sports with his dad.

Answer 6

By creating an ex- fiance. You really so desperate to need someone who does this to you? If you do then stop pretending!

Answer 7

Have you told him that what he's saying is hurtful? If you haven't already, tell him straight out that you don't like it.

If he does know and he does it anyway, time to move on.

Answer 8

because he is an insensitive male jerk and he is mentally abusing you and trying to ruin your self esteem. Dump his behind while you can.

Answer 9

if he disrespects this, then you'll find he's going to disrespect other things down the line,,,think real hard about this guy

Answer 10

Dump this jerk.
.