what do u think of my newest poem?

Question

you've got my heart, plz, don't give it back. you've got my heart, i know this for a fact. you've had my heart since the first time we met. you still have my heart, this i don't regret. take it with you, wherever you go. and this, i think you should know: you're the only one i want holding my heart. you're the onhly one, who wont tear it apart.

Answer 1

Yeah...ummm...I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your poem is kinda' garbage.

Answer 2

Okay...if you look at your responses you'll notice two things: people are saying it's "okay" and "please spell check and spell out your words." So, you can listen to them, or ignore them. If you listen to them, you'll improve, if you believe that short-cutting words and not even trying to spell things correctly is the way of good poets, then there is little hope you'll get any better...it's your choice. Since they've already told you these two things, I won't jump on you about that too :)

As has been mentioned at least once already, linebreaks. They exist for a reason...they tell us where you wanted us to pause or take a breath, or where the break should be if you were writing a poem that required a specific structure. If you were trying to do the latter, and you broke a line mid-breath, it would be called "enjambment", which means the line continues without pause and the break is there for form compliance only. So, here's my recommended line breaks:

you've got my heart,
please, don't give it back.
you've got my heart,
I know this for a fact.
you've had my heart since
the first time we met.
you still have my heart,
this I don't regret. take it
with you, wherever you go.
and this I think you should know:
you're the only one I want
holding my heart.
you're the only one,
who wont tear it apart.

Also...and I don't know why there is such a current epidemic of this, but psychologists say that people who write "i" instead of "I" have low self-esteem. Unless your name is e.e.cummings, please, use the capital "I" when you are refering to yourself. It is by far one of the most distracting mistakes young poets make! It isn't cute, it's frustrating to read. I'm telling you this straight so you understand what I'm saying, because it "is" important. You are a "poet", so write like one! Poets are creative, emotional at times, but insightful. They stand on the edge of being outside and have the courage to look in, out, and inside, and the eloquence to create images in the minds of others so they too can enjoy the view. That, my dear poet, deserves an "I" in anyone's book :)

keep writing, my ear tells me you have more to say, you just need practice and a willingness to improve :)

Answer 3

Spell out your words instead of using abv. Caps are needed at the end of your (.)

It is okay for what it is, but in my opinion, it isn't that much.

Work more to express what is happening and the repeat needs to flow.

Learn how to create Stanza's.

Nice path, but it's takes me nowhere outside of words in a line.

Keep working.

Peace,
Sam

Answer 4

Well...not everything about it is wrong. Your punctuation is okay. Sadly, your cannot guard your heart or expect others to respect it. In a few years, you will be writing about this person in a very different way.

Answer 5

hi,
fine poem. Keep it up and try more to write good poem than this. All the best

Answer 6

It was ok. It needs work keep trying and don't give up.

From a writer

Answer 7

i like it i thout of love when i read it but not good love bad love like someone breaking ur heart. and that's happened allot to me!! i love it!!!!!!

Answer 8

It needs a lot of work, I am afraid.

Answer 9

gee whiz. how can a person tell you your poem...is not a poem?
it's sweet.
honey, get over him.

Answer 10

it seems like a rap. but ok.