I am able to check my boyfriends cell phone bill and found out recently that he has been talking to a girl constantly for the past 3 weeks. I confronted him and he denied it so I called to number and found out that this is the girl that his so called friends were hooking him up with. They had told him that this girl would not sleep with them just him. I didn't think anything of it before because they were not talking but now that he admitted to talking to her I was infuriated. I do not know what to think of it. He told me that she was having problems with her husband and wanted a guys opinion. I asked why she needed to talk to him when they're not even friends and he said he was just trying to help. I feel betrayed even when he said nothing is going on and that he apologized saying he doesn't want to lose me over something that is nothing. I feel betrayed and really hurt by his actions. He said he's willing to do everything if I give him another chance. Help!!!
2007-08-06 18:36:54 · 15 answers · asked by sxyr@in 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Clearly he knew that talking to this girl was wrong, because he denied doing it at first. If it's not something that he would be comfortable talking about with another woman in front of you, then it's not something he should be talking about with an other woman in private. The only exceptions to this rule, of course, would be family matters with his own family members.
Now, it is perfectly reasonable to feel hurt and betrayed by what your boyfriend has done. It is also perfectly reasonable to dump him, yet it is also reasonable not to do this. Some men do make a pattern of cheating, but some men in fact don't, and you need to determine how much emotion and time you have invested in this relationship, how committed you are to this man and this relationship, and whether you trust in him enough to take the chance that he won't cheat.
It's overly simplistic to say that once a man cheats, he will always cheat, but it's simply not true. I've worked with clients who have had infidelity in the relationship, but they stayed together, and some of the couples have been together for over ten years with no further incidents (that I am aware of). If your boyfriend has a known past history of cheating on his past girlfriends, then I would say you definitely have a problem. If this was a first offense - and if he may not even have physically strayed, but only considered it - then it may only be indicative of other issues he has (fear of commitment sometimes makes men behave like this, even though they love their partners, for example).
I think a practical thing to do is take some time off and clear your head. Don't commit to dumping him or taking him back, just ask for some time to sort through your emotions, because I think you probably have a heady mix of them yourself: Anger at your boyfriend, betrayal, grief at the loss of your "perfect" relationship (we all have this dream of our love as being perfect, and when this dream is broken, we have to grieve), hurt, a little anger at yourself (misplaced, but a lot of women feel "stupid" for getting drawn in), etc.
I think it is a bad idea to make big decisions while you're not thinking clearly, and if he's willing to do everything as he says, I would ask him to do the following: Do not call this woman anymore. Do not contact her. If she contacts him, he should say that he is no longer interested in maintaining contact with her, but he wishes her the best, and to please remove him from her telephone contact book, then hang up. He should no longer accept calls or texts or emails or any other contacts from her. He can contact you, but maintain a respectful distance, and follow your cue. You want to clear your head and think about where the relationship is going. This could take some time, because you are very confused.
If he is sincere, he will do those things, and be respectful of you, your feelings, and your time. Ask him to prove to you that he is no longer in contact with this woman, by showing you his last calls received/last calls called on his phone, his emails, whatever. However he needs to show you to assuage your feelings and suspiciouns.
If he isn't willing to do these things and wait, then he's not sincere, and you have your answer. Dump him.
Good luck. I trust that whichever way things work out for you, it will be for your greater good. I know it's a tough time, but you're a smart, resourceful woman, and if you're not being treated well by this man, you deserve someone who will treat you well.
2007-08-06 20:32:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Are you kidding? Give that immoral jerk another chance to do it again. No, all men don't cheat or sleep around either. I know I don't, I'm a moral Christian man and I am married and I would never even consider cheating on my wife. Besides that, with all the STDS going around do I want to contract a disease and bring it home to my family? I don't think so. Dump this guy like a bad habit and distance yourself from your so called friend that slept with him too. If you want to find a nice guy and get married stop saying yes to sex. There is an old saying, "why buy the cow when milks so cheap"! You want to find a guy with good morals you have to be moral first. Guys will take anything they can get if your dumb enough to give it to them. Once they get what they want they are already looking for greener pastures and another conquest. At your age how can you be so gullible and naive, hadn't life taught you anything in 33 years?
2016-05-20 03:37:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He denies it? Why? Have you tried to ask him in a loving way why he is doing this? I think probably that he still loves you since you said that he doesn't want to lose you over something that is nothing.
Perhaps he was also angry that you managed to check his cell phone bill. It is possible he might have felt tested & mistrusted. Give him your reasons for doing it & apologise and tell him that is not the main issue now.
Sometimes, guys clams up when there is a confrontational situation esp with their girlfriends. He might be already cheating you... or he might be not cheating you but if you want to get him to be honest about it, try to find a good time to talk to him & find it fast. Tell him you love him too & it is not doing you any good when he evades the issue like this.
2007-08-06 19:19:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well all i have to say that once a cheater always a cheater in most cases. but sometimes when a guy is close to losing their girl they come to their senses.
but honestly do what you want to do....
i think every guy deserves a second chance...but if they screw up that second chance then dump him forever this time because no doubt he will do it again.
but then again if you give him another chance you are going to have to be alert because since he almost got away with it the first time he might do it again and will do it carefully so you really won't find out this time you know what i mean?
but you never know....
its up to you...
good luck
2007-08-06 18:42:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though it may be hard, kick his lying as* to the curb. Even though he didnt cheat on you, he probably was close to it. If you take him back he will think that he can get away with it again. Have enough respect for yourself and find someone that will treat you right. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
2007-08-06 18:54:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be very careful.
If he knew that his friends wanted him to "hook up" with her, and she was only willing to have sex with "just him" and not the others, and she was already indicating that "her marriage was in trouble", then he had NO RIGHT to be in contact with her.
It could only be for one thing, and marital advice was not it. The only purpose in his contact would be to take up the offer, especially if several phone calls were involved. It would have only taken one to say "Sorry, not interested."
And why would he stay in contact with "Friends" that would be so dis-respective of his girlfriend that they would consider making arrangements for him to "hook up" with someone else?
You could say, "If you want to make this right, then two conditions - NO contact with this girl, and drop those friends"
If he agrees all well and good. He did say he would do anything to make it right. If not, then you have to decide whether you want to accept being treated in this manner, or do you have enough self-respect to say "I deserve better treatment from someone who is supposed to love me, so good-bye."
2007-08-06 18:53:32 · answer #6 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him , he is lyning to you its so clear o see since he later ended up admiting that he spoke to her, if she ahd problems with her husband why speak with him only for 3 weeks , without letting you know about it?! dont you think he would have at least mention it to you, even to ask what you thought about it too?! girl dont be blind dump he's ass.
2007-08-06 18:46:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on you deserve much better than that. If he's going to be lying to you, then it's not even worth giving him a second chance.
2007-08-06 18:41:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can get a new guy like THAT! *snaps finger*
He obviously doesn't respect you or care for you enough...since he's sleeping around...
I think you know what I'm getting at here!
2007-08-06 18:41:06 · answer #9 · answered by updo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invite her over its better to have an opinion from both male and female tell him u want to help her too.
2007-08-06 21:13:57 · answer #10 · answered by wildpalomino 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋