Ummm, can I ask a huuuge favor?

Question

It's past my bedtime, and I'm one sleepy girl. But I can't go to sleep, because last night I had this really scary dream. The Teletubbies were chasing me, ganging up on me even though I kept yelling *I haven't got any damn custard!!!" It was awful really. So, can somebody tell me a story before I go to bed? A funny one. Without those damn teletubbies in it? *and just to be safe, no clowns either* Thank you.

you're a scary guy zipperhead.

good idea bruta, who's afraid of carebears?

some of y'all must have gotten up on the wrong side of the damn bed. What was chasing you?

Nice, Dr Psycho...can I get you something? Some tea, maybe? Oh look, I just found some thorazine...wouldn't that be nice??

Answer 1

This should be read out loud and with a straight face.

Petey was a snake, only so big. Petey lived in a pit with his mother.

One day Petey was hissing in the pit when his mother said, "Petey, don't hiss in the pit, go outside the pit to hiss."
So Petey went outside of the pit to hiss.

Petey was hissing all around when he finally leaned over and hissed in the pit. Petey's mother heard Petey hissing in the pit and said, "Petey, if you must hiss in a pit, go over to Mrs. Pott's pit and hiss in her pit.

Petey went over to Mrs. Pott's pit to hiss in her pit, but Mrs. Pott was not at home so he hissed in her pit anyway.
While Petey was hissing in Mrs. Pott's pit Mrs. Pott came home and found Petey hissing in her pit.

She said, "Petey, if you must hiss in a pit, don't hiss in my pit; go to your own pit and hiss."

This made Petey very sad, and he cried all the way home.
When Petey got home, his mother saw him crying and said, "Petey, what's the matter?"

Petey said, "I went over to Mrs. Pott's to hiss in her pit but Mrs. Pott was not at home, so I hissed in her pit anyway.
Mrs. Pott came home and found me hissing in her pit and said, "Petey, if you must hiss in a pit go to your own pit and hiss, don't hiss in my pit."

This made Petey's mother very angry and she said, "Why that mean old Lady!

I knew Mrs. Pott when she didn't have a pit to hiss in".

Nighty night. Don't dream of snakes. ((((-:

Answer 2

Well, one day, I was on a rooftop in Miami, attempting to teach a Koala the dance moves for "Footloose", when there came this great clamor from the roof top next to mine. I stopped the music and snuck a peek to see whatt was going on. Turns out, there was this crazy girl trying to teach a Panda the choreography from Madonna's "Like A Virgin". It was magical... To see her dancing and twirl about. I couldn't help but to watch her. After about fifteen minutes, I grabbed my koala, my boom box, and leapt to her roof. (My parachute pants helped my float gently across the gap)

The lovely young girl turned suddenly at the sound of my feet scrapping across the tar paper. Instead of saying hello, I gretted her with MC Hammer's "Can't Touch This" dance moves. She responeded with a delightful showing of David Bowie steps. It was love at first shuffle. I stepped up the Romance by busting out the all time best dance ever, Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby". After that, it was magic, until we heard a suspicious burp. We both turned, only to discover that her Panda had eaten my Koala...

The end.

Answer 3

Once upon a time...Michael Jordan went to Paris, France, to eat at a French restaurant. He had finished his meal when he saw Daniel Radcliffe sit down at a table near him. Mike, being a big fan of Dan, went up to him and told him a joke. "How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a nail?" he asked. Dan was utterly bamboozled and said "uh.../what/?" So mike replied, "the answer is banana cream pie because your left nostril is Virgo's, a sign of deceit." Just then, Mike gasped and yelled "LIES! ALL LIES! OMG, YOU LIED TO ME!"

Er...so Dan left and went on a plane which flew to Florida 'cause he had a VIP pass to see how the Harry Potter themepark was going. The plane ended up being rampaged by snakes, and, after reenacting Snakes on a Plane, everyone landed safely in Florida. Dan saw the themepark...And...um...Aren't you tired yet?!

Answer 4

Doctor, doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping.
Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed.
Oh, I'm all right at night, it's in the day I have problems.

Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing tiddley winks under my bed.
What shall I do?
Hide the tiddley winks.

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. "I've just bought a pig," said the first.
"But where will you keep it?" said the second.
"Your yard's much too small for a pig!"
"I'm going to keep it under my bed," replied his friend.
"But what about the smell?"
"He'll soon get used to that."


Hope they help. Sleep tight.

Answer 5

In a deep field of azure grass there stood alone single little gummi bear, carefully watching the horizon it waited and waited some more, looking to the stars he wondered just how long it would take for him and the rest of the flesh eating gummi bears to kill of their life long foes, and what really was in that so called magic purse??

Answer 6

A horse falls in a mudhole & tells the chicken to go get the farmer to pull him out. Chicken cant find the farmer so he jumps in the farmer's Mercedes, drives to the mudhole, throws the horse a rope & pulls him out. A week later the chicken falls in the same mudhole & tells the horse to go get the farmer. Instead the horse straddles the mudhole & tells the chicken to grab on to his "thingy". The chicken does & the horse pulls him
out.

Answer 7

hmm, forget about those horrifying dreams. just think of a hundred of sheeps, in different colors if you want to.one by one they're jumpin over a fence.. then their you are, watchin them play and wander everywhere. hehe! this isn't effective i guess. but wen i really can't sleep, i used to think of all the funny things that had happened. lyk how u were lauged at after you had releazed carbondioxide and evrybody was able to hear that sound! uhh. they would have died laughing!

Answer 8

okay. a lot of stories you have to be there. hmmm, we just got a pool and everyone has been joking bout skinny dipping. one of my friends came over with their kids and the cute little 2 year old daughter went skinny dipping it was so cute!
when i was little i was very quiet and sneaky and my dad was working outside and my mom inside they would trade off between me and my brother. i snuck off and hid under the piano and fell asleep and nobody could find me. my mom was on the phone with the police when my dad smelled something coming from the piano he looked under there and yelled found her. the smell came from my poop before I took my little nap.
hope you can fall asleep. your dream sounds funny, but i know how getting a scary dream is!

Answer 9

Ok I didn't see this until morning so I would so hate to wake you up right now JUST to tell you a story. So I'm going to pull the covers up to your chin and kiss you on the cheek and tell you to sleep well. **turns to exit**

Uhm.... are you aware that Zipper is sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. That's one scary clown. **shudders**

Answer 10

once upon a time there was a little red shoe. the red shoe was sad because it sat on the shelf alone at night missing its perfect pair. everyday people would come and go and look for the other red shoe and never find it. one night after everyone left the little red shoe jumped off the shelf and clopped around shouting, little red shoe, where are you? I miss you, come home to me. little red shoe heard a little red shoe voice and it said "little red shoe im in the ice cream department eating chocolate ice cream. come join me." little red shoe ran to the ice cream department and sure enough there was the other red shoe. and they stayed that way for months until they could no longer fit in the ice cream department and so they went to the fitness department and tried on little work out tennis shoes and ran clippity clop on the treadmill for days. they were very happy little red shoes. and they stayed together forever and ever.

the end.

Answer 11

there once was a girl from Nantucket..........

OK so that probably was not what you wanted to hear but, that's all I have in me as of 5 seconds ago. Take a hot bath or have mad sex both of which will make you so tired you won't care what you dream about.