Old bassinet and offended mother? Help?

Question

My mother still has the bassinet that she used with us, that her mother used with her, and that her mother used with her. The thing is like 100 years old. I mentioned that I might not want to use it with my child, because I've heard some horror stories about old furniture and safety hazards and such, and she got SO OFFENDED and went off on how "it was good enough for her" and now I can't talk to her without her blowing up about something.

Am I wrong about this? Would the bassinet be fine? It's not like it's in terrific shape, it's been in storage for almost 20 years.

If, indeed, it would be dangerous, how can I explain to her that the safety of my child is more important to me than appeasing the family tradition?

I've even offered just to have the bassinet in the room, for decoration. She's just so offended, she acts like I think I'm better than her or something, when I just want to watch out for the safety of my not-yet-born child.

Help?

Now I can't talk to her about anything. I mentioned I want to cloth diaper and she got snooty and offended and "disposables were good enough for you." I mentioned I wanted to breastfeed and "well, you know, it's not so easy for some people, formula's just fine." I mentioned I didn't like the Ferber method and she got all huffy and said, "well, we let you cry it out, it was good enough for us..." Which is maybe why I can't communicate with my mother TO THIS DAY...**sigh**

Answer 1

Tell her what she probably said to you soo many times:

"I'm the parent, it's not up for discussion."

On the bassinet though, pick up a lead paint test kit at a hardware store and see if the paint is safe. Check the pad - it should be firm and water proof. If it rocks, it needs a safety thing so it can't swing too far. If it has a rail the spindles can't be more tha 2-3/8" apart. If it is up to modern safety standards, go for it - one less thing to buy!

Stick to your guns. It's your baby, not hers.

Answer 2

Oooh, I had the same situation with my In-laws. They offered us the "family bassinet" that had been used with all their kids, cousins, etc. It's 70 yrs old. I just did not feel comfortable with it. I was worried about lead paint, the bottom falling off, everything. I finally just said, thank you for the thought, but we have other arrangements. Luckily, my in-laws were accepting of that.
Perhaps you can tell her you have your heart set on a certain bassinet that you've seen? As to the other problems, I imagine it can be hard as a mother to hear that the way you raised your child isn't "the way it's done anymore" be it for safety issues or whatever. No mother wants to be told the way they did things is now "wrong". But, especially for the safety of your child, these things need to be straightened out before the baby is born.
A few points you might mention are - Your mother probably did things differently than your grandmother did in raising her. No mother wants to be told how to raise their own child, and your mother probably wouldn't have accepted that from anyone else.
I hope this helps a little. Good Luck!

Answer 3

I have family like that. Thank goodness it isn't anybody i am extremly close to but they do drive me nuts. I would have accepted the bassinet and put it in the nursery and said thank you. You then could get the bed you feel comfortable with and use it but maybe put your baby in the old bassinet and give it to your mother as a thank you. You don't have to let your baby sleep in the bassinet just show your appreciation for getting it passed down. The older generations don't understand all the safety craziness going on in the world today. My grandma didn't know anything about the baby proofing and stuff until i told her and she was shocked how much things have changed. With family that is easily offended it is always best to just accept the handme down with a thank you.

Answer 4

It is really hard for some grandmas to realize that their turn to make choices and raise babies is finished and it is all up to you now. I think I would have taken the bassinet and let the baby sleep in it while she was there and snapped a few pics for her amusement. But everything else is your choice. You need to lay down the law. Remind her that she did not want to do everything the same way her mother...or mother-in-law did it. None of those things are wrong, they are just not your way. She is going to have to learn to deal with it!

My mom went through a similar issue. She wanted me to put oatmeal in the baby bottle and was very upset that I listened to the magazines and doctors instead of her. She also let my 8 month old try chocolate. We had some battles and she is much better now that my daughter is 12. It only took her 12 years to figure out whose child I was raising!

Good luck and may the force be with you!

Answer 5

As of mother of four, I will say that you have every right to be concerned about the safety hazards involved in using antique baby furniture. There have been so many recalls in the past decade alone for baby cribs and many other baby items. Your mother may be upset now but I think once the baby arrives, she will be too consumed with becoming a grandmother, that she will forget all about this little ordeal. And I love your idea for using it as part of the nursery decor! Right now, everyone's emotions are at a higher level so try to remain calm and know that this will soon pass. If not, always remember to be confident in YOUR instincts as a new mother. This is YOUR baby and its ultimately YOUR decision to make, not anyone elses.

Answer 6

Have the bassinet checked out by a professional. Maybe they could make a few adjustments and it would be safe. Take mom with you when you do it. Surely if she hears it from a professional, she will be more concerned with the baby's' safety than with tradition! At least I would hope so. If not...I dont know what to tell you!

Answer 7

Rule of thumb when considering safety of old bassinets and cribs. If you can fit a coke or drink can between the rails/spindles (that run up and down) then it's a choking hazzard for the baby. There are lots of things that have changed and that have been learned the hard way since our parents had children. She just wants to be helpful and feel needed. Your job is to protect your baby!

Answer 8

It sounds like you are making some very well-informed and smart decisions for your new Baby-to-be. I'm so sorry your mother is behaving this way. I would give you advice about the bassinett, but really if it wasn't the bassinet, it'd be somthing else. What I mean is that this seems to be about control more than it is about a piece of baby furniture.

Stand firm and hopefully she'll come around.

Answer 9

ok it sounds like she is either really just that hurt about the bassinet or has some unresolved issues about not being a god enough mother. it depends on what kind of bassinet it is if it has slats in the side i believe the rule is its ok if a soda can cant pass through it but I'm really not sure. maybe tell her that you rethought it and think it would be really nice to keep it in the living room for the baby to relax in in there. that way she feels like it is getting special treatment and you can watch the baby while in it. also moms are always going to tell us how to raise our kids. you should see the looks we get from my in laws when we tell them that we don't hit my son its just how they did stuff. you know whats right for your baby. i am always fighting with my mom bc she is so stuck on the research they did when i was born i have to try to explain to her that they have done research sense then lol. but it is nice that you have that older furniture is really cute allot of times

Answer 10

I feel for you!! Really, but you have to look at this from your mom's point of view. Here she saved this family treasure just like her mom did, and her mother's mom did. That is a very special thing to have!! Remember, this baby is your mom's 'GrandBaby'!! Do you really think she would do anything that would even remotely hurt that baby?? I think that is why she is offended, dear, she thinks that you think she doesn't care at all for this yet to be born child, and it HURT her. If you two cannot get along now, just wait til you have that baby!!!! You ain't seen nothin' yet! One think I really want you to remember.....PLEASE.......One day your mom isn't going to be there, sooner than later, trust me! Think before you speak...the words you say to your mom, do you want her to die with those being the very last words she hears from her DAUGHTER??????? My mom died 13 years ago, I was only 25, and only had 2 of my 4 kids.
Maybe if you think real hard.....you can come up with a compromise that you and your mom can live with. Maybe you inspect the bassinet, then go over what you are concerned about with your mom and show her so she can see what you mean.

Good Luck Dear
Momma P