What are my rights? Can he stop me? What should I do?

Question

I'm a single mother and my oldest daughter will be starting
3rd grade this year...I am interested in homeschooling her for a number of reasons....the schools that she has been in are academically inept and with the way the youth of today are going...honestly I don't want her around just any child...who I don't know. I am quite capable of handling the responsibilty and am even willing to change the way I make a living so that I will have the day free with my daughters (also have a 2 year old).
Her father didn't give me a chance to really explain myself or how I plan to accomplish this...he just said no. Does he have a leg to stand on? We were divorced when my daughter was 2 and neither ever went to court for her. She spends her time equally between the two and we each support her on our own for the most part. I am her main parent, the one that makes sure that everything for her gets done and handled..big or small. Can he stop me? She is currently in a school under my address

and I want to know if I go through the motions of beginning the process and getting everything together. What can he do? Is there something I should do? I want what's best for her and if filing for custody is what I need to do then consider it done.

We have normally gotten along fine...at least I thought. I handle the decisions usually because he acts like there's nothing to do...he has a kid to hang out with and yell at sometimes and he can brag about her grades.

We have always split her care equally because that's what we agreed to, but I just found out that he's not happy with that....in fact I believe he used bad mother...even though once again we both agreed that she needed us both equally. When his soon to be ex wife tried to change that a few years ago he was pissed and said he was fine with the arrangement. Now that I suggested something he doesn't understand or agree with I'm this horrible parent. Once again I will be doing the work and he can still have the hard work of boasting about his child. I thing he's angry that he's getting divorced again and is suddenly taking it out on me. I just asked him to look into it on the internet an he went ape **** like we were still married. He even freaked in front of her

also suggested once he lost his mind and won't stop screaming that he should do the work of finding her a better school or paying for Catholic school, which he knows I can't afford to help him with.

He would never change anything about her life drastically...that would entail too much thought and he doesn't have time for that. That's why I'm the one that handles things.

we had a no contest divorce...she was not apart of it at all.

we normally do not fight...we definitely do not fight in front of her...at least not until the other day.

I suggested homeschooling...not demanded...asked him to look into it...all he kept saying was no and everytime i tried to say something positive he just got angrier. We were having a private discussion in an upstairs bedroom because their was about 10 of his family members downstairs, including our daughter and my daughter. he was screaming at the top of his lungs so that they could hear....when he finally kicked me out...I went downstairs and he brought my daughter to me....mind you now there's about 13 other people at this point downstairs were we are at....continued screaming....putting me down...saying that my ideas were stupid...that i was a bad mother....my poor daughter was hysterical....once again we don't usally fight and definitley not in front of her...i explained to her that he was mad at me not her

Answer 1

I think the best for your daughter is if their parents are discussing and agreeing, not fighting over her. If she is spending equal time with both of you, that means that she is attached to both of you and as parents you need to make a decision together. Try to talk to her father and explain your reasons. If you really really reach to a point where there is no other choice but law, consult first. But because you are taking equal part in the responsability now, I think it's fair to equaly have words on main decisions. If the situation would be like she is only spending limited time with her father then I would say that yes, the decision should be yours. But not in this case.

Answer 2

I'm divorced. An attorney can tell you what the law says. Specifically, for your area.

I think what you're describing would qualify as joint custody, which would mean that you both have to agree to any major life changes, like moving out of state, changing religions, etc. Changing to home schooling probably would fall under that.

Plus, he's the father and he obviously is taking an active part in their lives. That's a good thing. You two should agree on something as big as switching to home schooling. What if he decided to send them to a military academy at age 13? Or a religious school that you don't agree with? You would want to discuss it and come to consensus.

Whatever a lawyer tells you, I think you should discuss it and agree to something. If you can't agree to a change, then you'll have to agree to leave it the same.

Answer 3

You probably need to pull out your divorce decree and talk with an attorney. Rules regarding custody should be part of the divorce decree. You may not have fought over these provision, but, if that is the case, the decree probably provides for joint custody. Depending on the exact language in the decree, the father may have a veto over any change in school. Without actually seeing the decree and knowing the law in your state, nobody can tell you the answer to the question as the decree defines your rights.

Answer 4

Harpoon? Really? I recognise I've pored over the insert to the tape, however that phrase amazed me. He invented white rappers. Until Vanilla Ice, rappers needed to be black. The Beastie Boys simply can not bring a music. They had been rockers, now not gangsta thugs. Vanilla Ice used to put on that foolish hair (regularly impeccably styled) and pleasant sneakers. ACE: I see your factor, however I'm considering total picture and poetry kind. Vanilla Ice had the equal kind of rhythm that rappers nonetheless use in these days (can anybody please make a few usual rap tune?) at the same time the Beastie Boys had their possess factor happening. I could take Beastie Boys over rappers any day. Except Vanilla Ice. I performed that tape over and over again.

Answer 5

See what he thinks about private schooling. If it is possible, then that might be the best route.

Home schooling does have some draw backs. Your daughter may be lacking social skills later on and to be honest, not everybody is competent enough to teach. Your willingness to try is admirable and chances are that your concern for your daughter will bring out the best in you.

A better option might be to become a teacher's aid at her school. You will have a better idea what is going on and be better able to modify your daughter's studies at home.;

Answer 6

I think you need to actually talk to the father.

I don't think either of you can unilaterally decide what to do here - you had a child as a team, you have to figure out now how to educate her as a team

You are going to have a bunch of challenges in the future so you better start working on how you are going to solve them together, as distasteful as that might seem

Answer 7

How will she be schooled when she is in her father's care? Will you go with her to see that she gets her lessons or will her lessons just be put on hold until she is with you again?

You probably need to have a third party to talk things through between you, what do they call that? Sorry chemo brain. I would not allow him in the same room with her without a chaperon.

Of, course he is angry he hasn't gotten his way in this situation and is probably asking himself the same questions that I asked you.

Answer 8

I would suggest you quickly contact homeschoolers in your area to hear their suggestions. I homeschool, but I don't have a clue what others in your position have done, and so I think that would be your best bet for advice.

Good luck!