Can someone please tell me something good?

Question

my divorce is final today, after 31 years of marriage.
i thought i was ready for this, but i'm feeling more empty and alone than ever. please help me get over this.

i found out he was cheating on me. he still made it seem like everything was good between us and kept telling me we'd be together forever, but i couldn't be with someone who betrayed me and lied to me like that , i'd never be able to trust again.

Answer 1

Your divorce is final today after 31 years of marriage, it is normal to feel empty and alone. Whether the divorce was your decision or not, you lived every day with someone else (maybe unhappily, but you weren't alone) Divorce is a process, like all huge transitions in life. When you got married it was a process, learning to live and share your life with someone else. Having children is a process. Death of a loved one or loss of a relationship is a process, we MUST allow ourselves to go through. A book that really helped me was called "Coming Apart" Why relationships end & how to love through the ending of yours. By Daphane Rose Kingma. It will truly bring a new perspective to your feelings and life.

Answer 2

Were you happy? I will tell you that you probably will get along better now that you're apart cos you are not living together. That there used to be a time in your life when you had not even known him and you probably were happy then too. Plus, you do not know what the future holds. Hang on, right now all these feelings are what you should be feeling, because divorce is like a death, and you grieve, but you will stop crying, and you will grow stronger! Been there, done that. Life does not stay the same ever! Even if you stayed married. You grow by everything you go through, and so will he.

Answer 3

Give yourself time to cry. Sometimes when we hit rock bottom it takes a while to realize the only way out is UP. You've got to give yourself permission to mourn this loss.
Then, take a good look at yourself & make a mental note of everything you've accomplished or are proud of & concentrate on these good things.
Sometimes its better to get new hobbies & friends. Friends are often reminders of our marriage. You'll probably feel awkward around friends you used to visit with your ex. You'll soon find out who the ones are that you still feel comfortable with.
It's OK to be mad at your ex too. Just don't let it consume your new life. You don't mention the reasons for the divorce & it's none of our business but secure marriages don't end in divorce so eventually you'll be better off.
I wish you luck & love & stay in Yahoo! Answers. There's some nuts here but a LOT of good people.

Answer 4

I feel for you my dad left my mother after 27yrs. I only hope that you are not as bitter as she and you find yourself again. I know from experience how hard that will be but if you really want the pain to end it will once you've gone through the grieving stages. I wish you all the best and with faith and determination you will be just fine. It will be hard at first but given some time you will over come this and you may find a much happier world out there. Good Luck-

Answer 5

You are feeling normal. I just went through the same thing in March of this year after 31 years of marriage and when I got the divorce paper it felt like the world fell in on me. It is hard for us because we do not want to end a marriage but some times we have no options. You should feel better before to long, just give it a chance to sink in. After all we just spent all of this time with the same person it is hard to just end it all with no feelings or emotions being attached.
Good luck!

Answer 6

I've been divorced for two and a half years and there are days when I am so sad and I grieve him so much. (the divorce was my idea) I cry and cry.... I KNOW in my head that it was the right decision and I know that there are wonderful things in my life to day as a result of that decision and MORE good things to come... but still there are just days when it is so sad to me. I could list a hundred behaviors of my ex that would make you think that I was crazy to EVER miss him.. but some days I really do.... BUT there are more and more and more days when I am so grateful to God for the growth I have experienced and all the wonderful people that have come into my life due to that decision.
Hope that makes sense to you... to me it is very true.

Answer 7

Yes you will get over it. I've been there and it does take sometime. I picked up a few hobbies, joined a library club and started taking long walks. I also got me a dog so I wouldn't be so alone all the time. It helped me out a great deal. With each day that passed, it got better. I know it's hard, it just takes time but eventually you'll pull through.. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Girl, your single now, get out there and have fun. CELEBRATE!! Go to a bar with friends meet a nice fling, show 'em you still got it. Go shopping buy some new clothes, get your hair done....do something for you! It obviously wasn't meant to be, even if it took 31 yrs to figure it out. Better late than never, and you stuck in an unhappy marriage forever right?? So no use stewing in a depression. Think of something that you always wanted to do, yet being with 'him' stopped you, and get out there and do it!! Take that salsa lesson or painting class, and enjoy your life. It's not over yet you still have alot of livin' yet to do!!

Answer 9

Now that your divorce is finalized, shouldn't you start doing what your Avatar name say. BPositive. Being alone and empty is normal, in time all will heal, now it's time to take care of yourself. The love may be gone but your life still lives on and that should be the most important thing to you right now. Hang in there, the Lord knows your pain, as he does with everyone else. Believe in him and he will guide you through life, you're not alone as long as you have him in your heart. Take care, you still have friends here on Q&A.

Answer 10

Think of it in a positive light, a new beginning. Congrats you've dropped some dead weight you've been carrying for 31 years. Yeah you miss it now that its gone, but it is okay. Move one. Get a new hair do just like Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale, a excellent movie for you to watch. Change your appearance, pursue other interests, meet new people and have fun. Life's too short, you've already used up 31 years, don't waste anymore time.