Was I wrong in contacting my husbands family for his drug and alchol problems?

Question

My husband was recently arrested and had to agree to rehab for his dependency issues and he wanted it kept from his family but it was out of control and financially i needed help. First he begged me not to say anything but as the charges started to pile up as well as the bills i was left with little choies. Now he is so mad at me he is contemplating divorce. My family as well as his said that i did the right thing but i dont know should i have kept my mouth shut like he wanted? i helped more than he knows i was the one who got him into rehab and out of jail and he has no idea but he does not even want to hear waht i have to say. he has little remorse for how he has hurt me and his family and is blaming the whole thing on me. Was i wrong? i never meant to betray him i needed help adn had no idea what to do.

Answer 1

no, he needs help. and who else can help him, beetter than his own?

Answer 2

I think you were right to contact his family- even if finances weren't an issue, dealing with something like that is very draining- and very hard to do without some support. His family are other people who love him, and would want him to get through this. You need the support, and honestly, so does he. If you are the only person who knows, it's that much easier to relapse- because he'd figure you're the only person he's letting down. I hope he doesn't divorce you over this, but if he does, then it's especially important that his family knows what they may have to deal with in the future. Maybe try sending him a letter explaining how you felt, and why you needed to tell his family. Hopefully he would read it, instead of trying to cut you off like people tend to do when they don't want to hear you out. Tell him you didn't mean to betray him, you're sorry for hurting him, and that this situation is hard on you too, not just him.

Answer 3

No you weren't wrong, and perhaps after he finishes rehab he will figure it out. There is no reason you should have to bear the burden of this on your own. Likely his family has insight into why he is the way he is, and perhaps it is linked to inherited tendencies. And I've read that the entire family NEEDS to be involved if the rehab is to be successful. You did the right thing, don't let him convince you otherwise. You did what is REALLY the best for him in the long run. Now he has to really face the reality of his actions with all his family, not just you.

If I were you I'd give him some time to think things over in rehab, then send him a letter explaining why you needed his family's help. In time I think he will come to realize you only have his best interests at heart.

Answer 4

I think you sound like a great person. You did everything you thought you needed to do and there is no shame or blame in that. Take pride that you do what you thought best for it was.

Unfortunately, he doesn't realize the great person he has and I'm sure it is most likely due to the addiction which changes people. He has difficulties ahead and you are his life line though he can't admit to it. He may being feeling a bit helpless at this time and is letting pride or shame get in the way.

As to his family, you don't seriously think "THEY" would take responsibility for having a drug addict in the family, so they look outward to blame someone else since it couldn't possible be from this family. Just like divorce, blame the other person for there is nothing wrong in "OUR" family, it must be someone else that caused this and you are probably the easiest target. Again pride or shame is in the way on their part. Smile in their faces and be self assured you are doing what is best. They will get over it in time (I hope).

Answer 5

He may hate you now, but most addicts hate the person (or people) that take a stand against their addictions. Once he is clean and thinking clearly he will most likely see that what you did was the only reasonable thing you could have done. He didn't want his family to know because he is ashamed of his behavior, but it is his behavior that is the problem--not yours. Right now he needs you more then you need him so just put his divorce talk right out of your head. It sounds like you have plenty on your plate at the moment and worrying about his irrational anger right now isn't something you should have to focus on. Good luck to you and I hope your husband stays clean and sober when he gets out. Knowing that his whole family will be watching him for signs of relapse will only be a positive in this situation. His family may not have known about his legal and financial plights, but I bet they already knew about his addiction problems. He wasn't fooling anyone. In treatment he will learn just that and that should help him to realize you didn't do anything wrong.

Answer 6

You did the right thing. He has no idea. He's kind of in his own zone at the moment. He's not an over-seer like you are. You see what will become of him if he hept on the path od drugs and alcohol, it would have further more hurt him, you, his family, etc.

He's mad at you, that's normal. When things are more clear, when things have settled down he will realize what good wife he has..or if he wishes had..And once he realizes it, he'll snatch you up in a jiffy.
You're bettering him every second by putting him in rehab, out of jail, and further away from drugs and alcohol. If you have kids, that's the right way to go about.
And what is life without money..hardly one, so yes. You're doing the right thing.
Don't have any regrets.
He'll come around!
Take care,
xx

Answer 7

You had no choice and did the right thing.I am sure he will come to see this in time. His family loves him to and they will put some sense into him about you. I would leave him be in rehab and let them deal with him. When he is ready to see and talk with you he will contact you wait and see. Play a little reverse psychology on him and stay back and he will think about you and he will get over it. Don't appologize to him for any reason he did this to himself and should be gratefull to all of you. Counseling will also tell him this and give him something to think about. Best wishes and take care.

Answer 8

That is typical behavior for an addict not ready for treatment that has been thrown at there feet. There is a huge element of shame when discovered. No you did everything right,that is why he is mad,no scape goat so he cant rationalize the behavior. Might I suggest Al-non for you.Its a great support group for family and friends of addicts and helps you understand better how you feel and there behaviors.
You really should give yourself a pat on the back! Great Job!

Answer 9

It sounds like he's still in denial. If he comes out of rehab still mad, it would be better for You to initiate a divorce, because the cycle will just start over again. Hopefully the rehab will help him see his problems in a more accurate light.

Sorry this is happening to you.

Answer 10

After telling his family if they help you out, than you were right, if they did not help you or help him, there is a reason for his anger, but any how you did the right thing to tell to some one specially to a family members, he should remember that he left you all along to deal with his problems, instead to take care of you, you are taking care of him, if hi is not appreciating all you are doing, tell him to beat it.

Answer 11

He is not in his right mind. Addicts rarely accept responsibility for their actions. It is much easier to blame their problems on someone else. You did the right thing for yourself, him and his family members. They all needed to be warned about his addiction so that they would not enable his addiction financially. Drugies often ask for handouts whenever those closest to them refuse to support their habit. If he divorces you, chances are you'd be better off anyway.