Why doesn't my husband love me? What is wrong with me? I just don't understand.?

Question

I keep the house clean, do the laundry, take care of our 2 children(8mo and 2) and am pregnant again. I have tried to give him everything I have, I have tried really hard to always be sweet and loving and not complain. I try not to ask to go do anything, I pretend I am happy at home(I want to go to college so very badly) I make big dinners, I let him have all the closet and dresser space(he has alot of clothes) I had a bit of bleeding and my doctor is worried I may have placenta previa and I am going in tomorrow for an ultrasound to check and he goes three hours away to go drinking with his friends(we are quite broke right now) my doctor is also concerned I may have cervical cancer based on recent pap results but he doesnt seem terribly concerned about that either. I feel like i dont matter, I try so hard to be the kind of wife he wants. Please help me understand what I could do better, I am at a loss. I have tried so many things but it seems worthless in the end.I just want to cry

Answer 1

I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. You know how I dealt with it? I took my little girl and divorced him so he could spend all the time running the streets and being there for everyone else. I was so happy when I did that. There were no more sleepless nights crying and wondering where he was. No more having him steal our rent money from me. No more telling him to treat me with respect, only to have him walk all over me. No more drama and b.s.!

No woman deserves to be treated like a piece of garbage. I don't know you, but from what you've said, you seem like a great wife and mother and he doesn't deserve you. You deserve to be treated like a queen. That man should worship the ground you walk on.

I will pray for you and your unborn child and I hope God protects you both and keeps you safe. Your husband needs to get smacked in the head a few times. Email me if you ever need to talk. I KNOW what you are going through. (((hugs sweetie)))

Answer 2

You have done to much! He wants a maid not a wife. As hard as it may seem you need to get out of bondage. you are already hurting for money and if he thinks going out and spending money on his buddies and drinking are more important than your health then he is a loser. I know you love him but it is time for women to take a stand and realize that love is a two way street. You can do it on your own since you are anyway. Get him for child support and health care instead of his friend support and booze care. What ever you do, do not let him make this your fault. I am sick to death of guys like this. I am a woman worshiper if you could not tell. Do not ever think no one else would ever want you or your kids. It just is not the way someone should have to live.

Answer 3

I think that you sound depressed. You list all these problems that he has with you, and how you do everything for him, and yet, he uses you like a doormat. You say you have all these health issues, but he doesn't seem to care. Why in the world would you want to stay with a man who has no respect for you?

Of course, not knowing his side, it could be that he is overwhelmed living with such a selfless saint. He knows he has flaws, but your appearance of perfection is too much for him. Or maybe you are passive aggressive to him in the way you give him everything, (ie closet & dresser space, perfect house, etc.) but he cant give you what you want (college).

Maybe he went drinking with his friends because he didn't know how to deal with your health issues. Instead of trying to be the perfect wife, why don't you talk to him honestly, and let him know how you feel. Stop trying to be "better" and just be real.

Answer 4

It sounds to me as though you have given your husband your heart, soul and spirit and he has given you nothing but grief. It's not you, anything you have done or anything that you can do to please the man. He sounds very self centered and you deserve so much better than this. (He sounds like my ex to be honest)
Even though you didn't come right out an say it, it sounds to me like you are wanting someone from the outside to say leave the bum, so here you go, LEAVE HIM!!! Is there anyway for you to go back to your parents, a friend or any one like that? Or you may need to find a shelter. IF he isn't physically abusing you, he is abusing you emotionally, mentally and financially (yes, you can be financially abused by someone to where they have you between a rock and a hard place with no money to leave) Please contact your local abuse shelter to see if they can help you. I did it and now have the best husband in the world and 3 great step kids that I wouldn't trade for the world.

You deserve much better and you are going to get it (and he'll get what he deserves too!!)

God bless you and your family, I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 5

Sometimes to find out if they really love you ( Men ) you have to do what you have to do, I was in the same situation as you back a few years, I sat down and had a long talk with my husband one night when he came back from the pubs, I told him it was either going out with the guys and drink or me and the kids, because I was going to leave him, He was so sorry he did not realize he was hurting me and our kids. Every since then we are doing great,, this is worth a try,, if you have already talked to him, then do the next step, go to your family and leave him along for a week or two, let's see if he will come find you with apologizes. Hope this helps, good luck honey.

Answer 6

You need to change your attitude and no longer worry about what he wants, worry about your needs. He is taking you for granted and treating you a bit like a doormat. Your doctor has said you could have cervical cancer, if your husband isn't the least bit worried about this then is he's not worth having around. Find yourself family and friends who will support you and discuss your husbands lack of caring with him - you need to give yourself some respect and he needs to also. Give him an ultimatum.

Answer 7

Joni Mitchell song, "Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got til it's gone!" And that is what you need to be when he gets home from drinking next time for three hours. Take the kids and go to a relatives or friends. When he realizes you are gone, maybe he will wake up. If he does tell him to change his ways or your leaving and make sure you already have a couple of lawyer's names on hand. You deserve better.

Answer 8

Part of the problem is that you're not holding him to his end of the bargain.

Marriage is 50/50 and it sounds like your putting in 95 right now. He may be missing his single life, but part of being a parent is realizing that they get more priority than you do.

I think you need to have a serious talk with him, and ask him quite directly why he's not contributing to his part of the marriage and family?

Answer 9

simply pray for what you want. leave it in God's hands and see where He takes you. pray for your husbands heart to be broken and i'm kind of thinking that maybe your husband isn't feeling very confident with himself right now. when there is more and more things put on a man he will break and probably act like he can't be with you anymore. we all hurt the ones that we love, and if you go to him with your feelings and say something like i feel like i'm worthless to you and i don't know what to do anymore maybe he'll tell you how he feels. good luck and God bless

Answer 10

wow. it seems to me that he's tryin to find an outlook to get away from the problems now I'm not sayin you're the problem but if the money's tight and maybe he isn't making what he wants to make. I don't know. you should go to someone you trust and ask them for help. maybe you two need counseling or something of that nature. or maybe just ask him what's goin on.