I hit my husband....?

Question

A few days ago, my husband and I were having a discussions that got very heated. I eventually lost my temper and hit at him. He then pushed me down, jumped on me and bruised me up pretty bad. He also called me a f*-ing, stupid, b*tch over and over again for about 20 minutes. This is the first time something like this has ever happend in our marriage.

I owe him an apology. I feel like I started it by losing my temper. There are no excuses. Any suggestions for opening the communication channels after such a bad fight?

Answer 1

sounds like he owes you one too. i think you both have a lot of pent up anger. you both need to talk to someone about your anger. it will get worse if you don't. good luck.

Answer 2

Okay, firstly..Even though you lost your temper, he shouldn't have lost his and done what he did to you..No matter if you pulled a gun out and threatened him, he had NO excuse to call you those names, or jump on you.
You both abused each other. Which isn't the best sign at ALL! That's never good. So make sure, that everything is REALLY okay, if not seek counsicling immediately, because things will keep getting out of hand, if it doesn't sieze soon enough.

Well, he, too owes you an apology!
But anyway, well while you're in bed, or doing the dishes just quickly say it.. "hun, im so sorry for hitting you, you know i love you" and i HOPE he apologizes, and gives you a kiss and a hug back for what he did! He had no right to snap just because you hit him. If he doesn't say "Don't you think you owe me an apology too? I mean, i know i started it, but you didn't have to jump the gun like you did."
And if still he doesn't say anything, leave it a few hours..if still not then i suggest you threaten to leave him.
Obviously he'd rather be stubborn and not try to mend it with you, then mend it with you and be happy again.

My mum always told me to NEVER let a guy hit me, because she was abused for 16 years, and finally left her husband..and he was a preist too!
So, just re-assure that this marriage really will work, always get marriage help if needed..It's better than living with an abuser, or abusing all your married life.
Take care,
and sometimes things just slip, but there's ALWAYS room for apology, and improvement.
xx

Answer 3

I have been in 2 different abusive relationships and one of those realtionships survived (we've been married 12 years now). I would simply say you are beyond sorry for ever letting it escalate like that. Promise him you will never hit him again and ask him if he can promise the same. Then get counseling and ask him to join you. My husband had to take court ordered anger management classes. He says they helped. I think they talked a lot about how we let things get that out of control in the first place. They give you ideas for never letting things get that bad and how to stop it if it ever does. I know that you are sorry (at least it sounds that way LOL) I'm sure he is sorry too. Fights are horrible anyway but when they get physical it is just so out of hand. If you start with an apology and don't make any excuses that should help him to start talking about it too.

and to the people who say he should've never hit her no matter what I say DUH! She shouldn't have hit him no matter what either. Hitting is hitting you don't hit people. If a girl beat up your son would that be ok?????????????? I have been abused in 2 different relationships and I've been to tons of counseling. And they never once said it's only worng for men to hit women. Women get charged for domestic violence too, women can go to jail too, women can cause bruises, broken bones and cuts too. Even this wife knows she was wrong. I agree he was wrong to but don't go telling people that they can hit people and then act like a victim if the person hits them back. They were both committing domestic abuse they were both victims end of discussion.

Answer 4

Think long and hard about what you might do. No matter what, he shouldnt have hit you back. Seek counseling immediately. You can apologize to him and in the same moment, say you want to fix what is wrong and make sure you have already made an appt with a marriage counselor. Go alone if he wont go. He should never ever have hit you back and the verbal abuse is just as bad. Do something now before you are a statistic.

Answer 5

You should tell him exactly what you just said - that you owe him an apology, you lost your temper and have no excuse. BUT, he also needs to apologize to you - the fight was two-sided. What he did to you sounds much, much worse than what you did to him. Technically, any time a partner injures another, its considered domestic abuse. Do not allow this to get out of control, or you could be hurt far worse if it ever happens again.

Answer 6

Grown ups don't hit one another. Both of you need counseling. I understand the heat of the moment, but I also understand to turn and walk away and cool down. Hitting only leaves hurt feelings and resentment and eventually stupid feelings. Walk away and cool down and come back and discuss like adults.
Only way to apologize to him, is just to come out and do it. Say (name) I want to apologize for hitting you, I was wrong, I shouldn't have lost my temper. If the discussions that you were having haven't gotten resolved you could also take this opportunity to say listen I'm ready to discuss this or that like an adult, so when you're ready I'm ready.

Answer 7

First off you were both wrong... You should never hit your spouse.. husband or wife.. you say you hit him once and then he jumped on you and hit you over and over.. calling you names.... I would seek proffesional help. If this happens once you never know when it will happen again. You never said how long you were married... if you are newly wed.. I would personally be more prone to leave... if you have been married for a long time I would talk to him and a counsler. I would also take photos of all the brusies in case you do leave you have proff of the abuse.Do you have children??? This is somehting you don;t need around your kids.

Answer 8

For one thing, there is no reason for a man to ever hit a woman. They are much stronger and much more physical than women and unless you slugged him good, he had no reason to jump on you. You should seriously think about your safety in this relationship. Has he ever hit you before? You two should seek out some kind of marital counseling, maybe there are other issues that need to be dealt with.

Answer 9

Even if you hit him first I don't think he should of hit you back and if he bruised you that could be a bad sign. I don't know all of what happened but I know that if my husband did that to me I would be scared. I don't think guys should lay hands on women. He needs to reflect on the way he acted and the words he choose when he yelled at you. Maybe you guys should take a little vacation apart for awhile then BOTH of you need to apoogize, him mostly for how he treated you. But he needs to realize it, not be told by you.

Answer 10

First, go to the doctor and take pictures. You say you "hit at him" but he "bruised me up pretty bad." I would be charging him with assault and battery rather than apologizing. You can apologize through your attorney. If he did this once, he will probably do it again. You need to get out while you are still in one piece and walking!

Answer 11

It's both of your faults.

1) You shouldn't have hit him in the first place, because that's just wrong.

2) He shouldn't have hit you back. If anything, he should've yelled at you even more.

Yes, apologize to him, but he owes you one as well. Good luck.