My father attempted suicide: for those of you who have experienced this also.........?

Question

For those of you who have experienced something like this can you tell me how you deal with the person who tried to kill themselves.......

Right before I started my freshman year of highschool my parents told me that they were getting divorced. I was really confused and angry especially with my mother because there were a lot of things that I was unaware of in my parents marriage. Soon after finding out about there impending divorce the reasons began pouring out. Among these reasons were my father´s many infidelities. It wasn´t long after this that my father took an entire bottle of pills.

My mother told me what had happened and asked me to take my brothers (then 11 and 8) to my neighbors house. Later in the hospital when my father woke up he ripped the chords from his monitor and hung himself with them. An orderly found him and he was revived. After his pysical health was rehabilitated he was placed in a 72 hour holding facility in which he decided to commit himself for....

an extra week. I was the only one besides my mother to him in that place. I know this is awful, but to this day I am furious. ( It is know four years later). I hate him because I have had to be the adult, he stole my right to be the child. Now that I´m older I see other things wrong with him as well. He lacks boundries with people and doesn´t realize what is and isn´t appropriate. I feel like I have to protect my brothers from what he says when I´m around him so I don´t see him very much anymore. I think its better for my brothers when I´m not around because certain topics don´t come up and his behavior doesn´t become an issue. Over the years he has become a little bit better, but I´m still so angry. I just don´t know what to do.........

My father came from a sexually abusive family, but so did my mother, so sometimes I just don´t understand how one person can turn out normal while someone else can´t. Sometimes I think he makes me angry because I´m scared maybe I´ll end up like him. ( I engaged in a few self destructive behaviors: cutting, drinking, etc.)

And sometimes I´d like to be the one who gets to give up. Like I could just say ¨I know life is hard for everyone, but its harder for me, so I´m going to forget about everyone else who cares about me and end my life.¨

Answer 1

Your dad needs help and a lot of it, it's not something that you can fix, I think you know that.

The best thing you can do is to be there in a supportive fashion, make sure he knows you love him, and go from there.

You need to visit him as often as you are emotionally able to. You may also contact his therapist/psychiatrist and ask them what you can do. They will fill you in on the bset things to talk about, what not to talk about etc.

Answer 2

The only thing that I can say is that your father needs you right now more than ever. You have to be there with him as much as you possibly can and tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you. Let him know that you have forgiven him for everything and that you need him in your life. Write him letters, send him cards, buy him a gift every now and then. Whatever you do, shower him with tenderness and kindness. Let go of his past infidelities and let him know that even though he's not married to your mom anymore, he still has you. Tell him that if he won't give up on you, that you won't give up on him. Just love him.

Answer 3

Sometimes we seem to be the one who has to carry the burden of a family. More so if we are the eldest. But look to the positive side. At least you could do something good for the family. It's heavy on your shoulders and many times you are going to feel frustrated. You can look away but you are likely to feel guilty should something happen. So it's better that you try your best to keep positive. Don't regret anything but try always to be thankful for what you are and what you have. Be consoled that there are always people worse of than you.

One problem I see is that very often in our bringing up, we are seldom taught how to cope with crisis especially emotional ones. We grow up seeing our parents coping the wrong way and that's how we try to act. We forget that there are other ways to deal with things.

Your dad may have had many problems of his own that you cannot understand. Even his infidelities may be something he thought of as normal or they could be just an escape out of reality. Of course he hurt your mum but your mum may have also driven him partly away. I don't know what were their problems but obviously he couldn't cope and when you are in that state you often make the wrong decisions which push you further into the hole until you feel it is better to die.

Try to understand your father as I think he needs your understanding and love. Always try to look positive. Don't regret the past. Look positive at the present and future.

Answer 4

you,re dad needs love and understanding
i did this 8months ago
things are worse then ever
the hospital sent me home
dad needs to know you love him and that you will be there for him that hes not alone hes been taken for granted long enough it is not just him it takes two to devorce and you,re not the one let him know you,re there he will get stronger you will feel better

Answer 5

Oh Honey, you must be hurting! My father successfully killed himself by shooting himself in the head years ago. I am so glad that your Dad survived his attempts. My gut impression is that his attempts are a loud cry for help. People who are dead serious about doing it usually don't survive. The awful part is that they can wind up dead by accident or even worse wounded for life! Thank God that he committed himself! He needs alot of love and support right now so please try to overlook your anger and know that he must be in deep pain to resort to something lke suicide! I am sure that he must feel absolutely ashamed and embarrassed about this whole mess. There is all kinds of support available to him now that he has cried out for help and I hope that you and the younger kids get some help too! Divorce is Hell for kids! Been there! I will be praying for you and your dad and the younger kids! God be with you all in this scarey and dark time! Love, Cindy

Answer 6

that's so sad. nothing like that has ever happened to me, but if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here! :]