I have a fear of rejection, I cant figure out how to crack it?

Question

I do not have low confidence. I can talk to girls easily if the barrier between us has been broken. I am comfortable with myself the majority of the time. I am also happy most of the time and I really dont take things too seriously. However, I am shy (although I have "fooled" one girl, I am in a psychology class), so I plan to ask a girl for her phone number or to talk some girl for the first time and I get all excited, but when the time comes the idea leaves my mind or I just get nervous and later I feel as though I have let myself down. The most dominant reason is that I have a fear of redness (I have rosacea). I guess the rosacea side of me (that has all of the qualities I do not like) is scarred (I have had bad experiences) and it seems not to matter that I try to improve myself confidence and self-esteem all the time (by always visualizing things and being positive with myself). I guess I am afraid of falling into weakness (that is how I perceive it).

Answer 1

This will sound like a kind of crazy answer, but take what works for you and discard the rest of it!

So long as you are dependent on others to make life choices/happiness for you, you will have this fear. It's as though you've given away your own personal power. By saying to yourself that you need someone else's approval or acceptance, you are saying that your own feelings about yourself do not matter (you wrote that you do not have low confidence... but enter the situation with the girl, and that goes out the window.)
Then, to boot, you make yourself feel guilty when you have not fulfilled your promise to yourself!

I really do understand what you are going through. My fiancé has a really terribly scarred back. He'd never had a serious girlfriend before (despite being an incredibly caring and attractive person) because he was always so shy, and full of self-hatred of how his scars made him look.

First things first, repeat after me: I am not my rosacea.
It doesn't define you. It is something you happen to live with - that's it. Very famous people have had rosacea and not let it define their lives: according to wikipedia: President Bill Clinton; Diana, Princess of Wales; Mariah Carey. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosacea)
Secondly, realize that stress/anxiety are actually going to make it worse! So you might as well decide that you don't like feeling that way, and you definitely aren't going to do something that makes a source of your misery worse! (not to mention, self-confidence is the sexiest thing a man can sport!)

Let yourself be. If you find you just can't bring yourself to ask that girl out, don't make it worse and beat yourself up over it. Just say, "ahh well, I'll try again another time." Just let it go. Don't even give it a second thought unless you find it is something constructive.

The big step - realize that rejection has no effect on you whatsoever. What does it mean if someone rejects you? It only means that you two weren't a good match after all. Frankly, it'd save you much more time - and emotion - to know that before getting into a relationship. Can you imagine finding out a year into the relationship that she is really high maintenance (as opposed to your laid-back nature)? Or that she was really focused about little tiny things in life, while you are able to roll with the punches?

Rejection has very little to do with the person being rejected, and speaks volumes about the person doing the rejecting. Remember that everyone that has ever lived has had some fear of rejection in their life. We all want to have approval that we are doing the right thing, being the right person. The only way to overcome it is to say to yourself that you are happy with who you are (and if you aren't happy with who you are, change what you can till you get there!), regardless of what others believe. Then, you'll never ever be let down :) Honestly, the maxim is true: you can't please all of the people all of the time. So, best to make yourself happy first!

Oh, and one last thing! The right person WILL come, and they will be someone who can see the real you, regardless of what you look like or even what you act like. I have never once been deterred by my love's scars. Of course I notice them, but they don't even touch him. I don't care about it in the slightest, because it has no bearing on the person that he is. If a girl doesn't realize that about you, she is really not worth a minute of your time.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

Actually, it does sound like you still have problems with self-confidence. I think your feelings are perfectly normal, though. Chances are, you probably notice your rosacea more than anyone else does, so try to keep this in mind when you approach people. I'm assuming that this girl doesn't seem put-off or disgusted by your rosacea, so chances are, you have as much of a chance as anyone else of getting her number. Good luck!

Answer 3

The first thing you do is realize that rejection isn't the end of the world. Heck, its just the beginning!! Think about it. First of all, where does rejection get you? I'll tell you where....it gets you a little further than you were before it happened!!
How? Lets say you got rejected earlier today. Well, first of all, you managed to work up the courage to do whatever it took to get rejected. Thats good thing number 1.
You now have an experience to analyze and study to figure out what it may have been to lead up to the rejection. From that you can learn from your mistakes and sharpen your skills. Thats good thing number 2.
Good thing number 3: you will find out rejection isn't the end of the world. It can actually be funny!! You can tell your friends, "I hit on Brittney last night!" "No Way, dude! What did you say?" Now you have a story to tell, and a year from now you can all laugh about the time you hit on so-and-so. Plus your friends will be in awe of the fact that you had the balls to do it.
So what if you bomb? Think of it this way: your out to bomb. Your out to learn by bombing. Everytime it happens, your learn something more. Eventually you'll find the secret ingredient to talking to girls...and its not too secret at all...here it is...to NOT CARE. Who cares if that girl rejects you or that other one won't talk to you. When you get to the point where you don't care, you will no longer feel the pressure to say the "right" thing all the time, or worry about saying something stupid. Because when it comes right down to it, it doesn't matter what you say, its all in how you say it. Do you sound nervous? If so, you need to practice on getting rid of that. Do you sound easygoing and laid back as you speak to a girl? If she sees that you are calm, cool, laid back and confident, she will find talking to you a pleasant experience. If she sees your nervous, she will feel a bit of anxiety simply because she knows your feeling that way. So, like I said, it doesn't matter what the conversation is about, its how you present yourself as the conversation is happening.
YOu may have some friends that are girls already. Next time you talk to them notice how easily it is to talk to them. Why? Because you don't care what they think of you, so your not afraid of embarrasing yourself by saying something stupid. Why would you care what they think of you? YOur not attracted to them, they are just friends so you just talk to them without pressure.

Well, same thing with other women. You may find that once you break that barrier where you finally DON'T CARE what they think of you and you just let your natural self into the conversation, things will go smoother. And if they don't give you their number....so what? you don't care, remember?

Start enjoying listening to yourself talk, also. Ask questions and be interested. Remember to have humor and always show confidence.

Good luck!

Answer 4

What you're talking about is normal -- promise. Girls feel the same way a lot.

The best way to get over the fear is to face it, so you should ask someone out soon.

I hope you get a date, but it might actually be better if you got rejected because you'd see it's not as bad as you imagine.

It doesn't feel good, but finding the right person is worth a few bumps in the road.

Answer 5

Your roacea probably acts up when you get yourself worked up and nervous. So I suggest learning to keep it cool when speaking with said girl. Realize she is only a human like you. No matter how attractive she is only a person with the same feelings and blood. Rejection meens you can do better.

Answer 6

Not much to say at that point. If you want to ask the girl out, all I can say is that you have to convince yourself that you are the greatest guy on the planet and for her to say no would be some kind of heresy, and then dive headfirst into asking her.

Answer 7

i had the same thing i still do sometimes but i learned to ignore it because people actually dont notice as much as you think they do i mean some times it still happens to me but i just over come it because i want to talk to them and i shouldnt really care wat other people think neither should you so just play kewl when it happens and keep talking or if you really cant think of anything to say let the girl talk(were good at that) and pretty soon im sure you'll think of at least something to say =]] hope i helped

Answer 8

go for whatever youre afraid of...
its like... when you have a bruise or something and you keep poking it really much and then it stops getting sore.. thats what ye gotta do.

Answer 9

im in the same boat....Alcohol works but im not a drinker

Hopefully someone else has some ideas?