My husband has a female friend, I need marriage advice?

Question

I have been married for a year and my husband has this female friend. Anyways they exchanged numbers so he has her cell AND house number. We were having sex last week too and he called her name, Am I wrong to be suspicious? Serious answers only.

We have already talked about it, I just found out minutes ago he called her yesterday and he has both numbers. He has denied anything wrong going on, but I still didn't believe it. Your answers have opened my eyes and I thank you all.

So many wonderful answers thank you ladies and gentlemen!!

xoxo

it's gonna be hard to pick a best answer

Answer 1

It sounds like your husband is investing far to much time into his 'friendship' with this other woman. Who knows how far it has gone at this point, but he is walking a dangerous road.

Many an affair gets started as a 'friendship' that crosses the line. It can start slowly. Talking about personal problems can get to intimate. If he is saying her name when he is with you, then he has obviously been spending far to much time 'talking' to this 'friend'!

He is taking energy from your marriage, maybe not physically yet, but emotionally.

So, has he keep secrets about this 'friend'? Does he include her friendship to involve YOU? Is she a 'friend' of your marriage, or someone he keeps apart from you. Ask him if he would be comfortable having you hear all his conversations with this woman. That if he felt like he wouldn't (don't expect him to admit this, just food for thought), then most likely it is something inappropriate and crossing the line. Would he talk to this 'friend' as much as he does, or the way he does if she where male?

You are right to be concerned. He may have no intention of having this go to far, but it is possible that this 'friendship' could get out of hand. He needs to protect his marriage and himself. All to often, we see the dangers far to late.

Let your husband know that this makes you uncomfortable. That while you understand that he will talk to women, that is harmless. But, when he gets overly involved and personal with one person, then it can be dangerous to your marriage.

Get to know the possible "enemy" of your marriage. Not that it would stop it from becoming inappropriate. (Some of the most common affair partners.....coworkers and friends of our spouse). But, sometimes, once it is exposed and the fantasy, secret bubble is burst, it all falls apart. Invite this 'friend' to lunch.


"Emotional infidelity often starts when you share intimate details of your life with a person other than your spouse. You may be going through a rough part of your marriage and feel like you can’t talk to your spouse, so you choose to receive intimacy from another. That person makes you feel special and that makes you feel good. You begin to open up more and more and you like the feeling you have when you are with them. You crave the emotional intimacy you receive from that person.

Before you know it, you are sharing the deepest intimate details of your marriage. What’s the harm in this? The harm comes in the separation that has now occurred between you and your spouse. You have crossed a marital boundary"

Shirley P Glass, PhD

In the new crisis of infidelity, more and more marriages are being threatened by friendships that have slowly and insidiously turned into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship by recognizing the red flags along the slippery slope. You're right to be cautious when you hear -- or say -- the words: "I'm telling you, we're just friends." Shirley Glass, PhD, author of Not "Just Friends".

A helpful website for strengthening your marriage.

http://marriagebuilders.com/

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Answer 2

Even if they aren't sleeping together, you need to try to end this NOW. Threaten to leave---whatever it takes. I didn't do anything when my husband and his "best friend" were meeting a few nights a week. They were having sex for over two months. I just wish I had put an end to it when I first thought there was something up.

Answer 3

What reason would this woman be on his mind when he is in bed with you? Because he wants her. Men don't give the time of day to woman they don't want to drop their pants for. Men are horny and only want to jump bones. He doesn't want to be friend. He's lying to himself, and to you, and that is only if he hasn't slept with her yet. If he wants to sleep with a another woman, he shouldn't have married. Be serious and show him the door. He has already messed in his mind or in a bed. If you let him stay, don't cook for him, don't do his laundry, don't do anything. This is no joke. If you let it go, you'll be his joke.
This has to end. And believe if, you won't get over it if you stay together.

Answer 4

I think your husband is having an emotional affair and it's time you have serious conversation and he has to make the choose between ur marriage or his friendship with this woman

Answer 5

Well if he was drinking, perhaps calling her name is really only a sign that he's been thinking about her too much, but really, it seems like this is a big red flag. You need to get to the bottom of this right now, or else, be blind to the signs and stick your head in the sand and live in a fantasy land.

Answer 6

Did you clock him in the face when he did that? I'm sorry just had a flashback. I had a situation where an ex did that and i swear it was like an instant reaction that I swung at him and landed my fist dead in the mouth. Turns out the jerk was cheating with her and many others ( i caught him in the act ) hopefully this will not be your case. Talk about inappropriate timing though on his behalf. I mean if he was dreaming and he said her name out loud that would suck but actually sharing an intimate moment like that, no way girl that is wrong. I don't care if they are just friends he crossed the line.

Ok lets state the obvious, he is attracted to her sexually. Let's be honest. Is he having an affair we don't have enough evidence to prove so. What you do know is he is having fantasies about her in sexual ways. Is she a threat to your marriage? Well that all depends on how much you trust your husband. Remember she doesn't owe you any loyalty its your husband that you made vows with. We're human just because we are married doesn't mean we don't lust. What it does mean is that we shouldn't act on it. The fact that he does have her cell/home numbers only means he has access to her in case he can't reach her for whatever reason on one line. See this is a tough one because some marriages are o.k with friendships that their husbands have of the opposite sex. If they are with you then this is irrelevant him having her numbers. If both of you agreed that maintaining friendships, if not mutual, with the opposite sex is unacceptable then you have a problem because he is going against something you both agreed on.

Are you wrong to be suspicious I think No. He is your husband and you love him right, its only natural to feel a little hurt and betrayed. I would say you need to talk to him and see whats going on in his mind. I don't know if he'll fess up because of fear of losing you but what it does mean that if your having a problem with this and you feel that there is something more then maybe you need to pursue your intuitions. If you feel that now since this occurred that you feel that she will be bad for your marriage then perhaps he needs to cut her off for the sake of you two. I'm sure they will be sad to lose the friendship but your marriage comes first. She needs to not object to it , she should be a real woman walk away and respect that he is doing this for his marriage. Things happen in life that we don't want to happen but we need to weigh what is more important. It's not her place to need to understand both of your reasons its her place to abide by it. I'm not saying that by removing her that all will be perfect but it does mean that its one less thing you have to worry about at this time. If you love him and he feels like this marriage is for both of you then i suggest you two go to a marriage counselor to see what the real deal is. Was it a moment of lust or is there something else really going on?

I really feel for you because believe me I been thru some tough stuff and no matter what advice we all give you its not going to take away the pain you feel now. All I have to say is don't take out on her although us woman love to blame it all on the other woman in his life ( not saying they're having an affair ) and instantly we want to go after them. It's your husband you have to take this up with. Take it easy girl and as a latina woman to another latina woman " chinga te lo " if all else fails. Email me if you want to talk further.

Answer 7

oh my god yes
my husband has a female friend too but, nothing like that. i'm not saying that they did anything but maybe your husband wants something more to happen

Answer 8

If he really respected you he shouldn't be exchanging numbers with another female in the first place, and honey i hate to say it but it sounds a little more than just a number exchange went on. i would be very suspicious if i was you. i hope everything works out for you though.

Answer 9

You mean he said someone else's name during sex and he is still able to talk? You are a very forgiving woman. ... but I do think this is something that needs to be ended, if he values your marriage.

Answer 10

Get those divorce papers filled out and have him served! He is a cheater and not worth your time or effort. I say this because at a year you should still be in your honeymoon stage and since he is already out and about you are always going to be dealing with his worthless ways.