Problems with a guy friend and his controlling girlfriend?

Question

I have a good friend I've made this summer. He's a guy, and I'm a girl, but there's nothing romantic going on between the two of us. We genuinely are, just friends. Here's where the problem lies, however. He has a girlfriend, and I have to admit, she does come off as a bit psychotically insecure and posessing extreme trust issues. Whenever I call my friend's phone, she will take his phone and answer it, then cusses me out and calls me every name in the book and that I have no reason to be talking to HER boyfriend. She emphasizes that quite a bit. Now, normally, I'd laugh it off. But it's becoming rather extreme. She's entered my name into his phone as "Don't Answer" and has been known to take his phone for weeks just to monitor who calls him. She's also made him three-way me a lot, pretending to not be there and my friend will say something along the lines of, "You and I aren't friends. I don't know how many times I must tell you this." (We still hang out, behind her back) Any help?

She's also done this to a friend of mine named Britt, who is also his friend. I guess she just does it to any girls who call his phone.

I'm not sure what to do about this, though.
She seems as though she's wanting to "fight me" over the issue. What should I do about this? And how could I maybe convince my friend that she's unhealthy for him? He's even admit to me before that he felt she might be crazy too, and that he's fairly mixed on how he feels about her. Sometimes he wants to remain with her because the positive aspects of their relationship he really enjoys, but also, there's things like this. He doesn't know how to handle the situation. They've also broken up once, but she goes into this wild cry fest and he feels too guilty to really end it. They've been together for 6 months now.

Answer 1

If you are confident in your ability to protect yourslef, you may want to confront her and try as hard as you can to explain to her that she doesn't need to have this paranoia and jealousy. Or you can try to concince your friend to break up with her, because behaviors like this are usually not concentrated in one area,and she could be dangerous. That's all I can say. Be careful.

Answer 2

Well, for starters, apparently the guy doesn't care about you and how his girlfriend treats you. If he did, he would tell her that you are his friend, nothing more, and offer to hang out with you AND his girlfriend together so she can meet you and understand that you're not a threat to her. I don't see any reason why he would let her take his cell phone for any length of time, much less weeks! That is his property, and if he cannot even tell her that he needs his phone (honestly, what if he needed to call someone because his car broke down or whatever and his girlfriend had taken it over a petty insecurity problem?) then I'm sorry, but he will never have the guts to stand up to this girl. Sometimes people have to choose. Is he willing to destroy your friendship with him over his girlfriend? I had a friend in a similar position. The girl, Amanda, was my best friend and her boyfriend, Tom, was my husband's good friend. Amanda cheated on Tom when we left for boot camp, so naturally Tom dumped Amanda. When Tom came back for Christmas, Amanda and him got back together, except Amanda's new boyfriend Brian wasn't thrilled with that and sent Tom warnings and even a death threat. And of course, Amanda went back to Brian, married him, then had to run away to another state when he beat her up. See a pattern here? She knew what a rotten person he was because of his death threat to Tom. But she was stupid and stayed with him anyways, and look where it got her. You're guy friend needs to think through who he wants to be running his life. Him, or his girlfriend? And it is certainly not unheard of for a wife to beat up her husband. Is that really what he wants? And if he is too scared to break it off with her, well, then he deserves what ever crap she gives him.

Answer 3

I know that you and your guy friend are just good buddies, but do you think it's worth getting all that verbal abuse just to maintain your friendship? Not only that, but I kind of wonder why your friend would put up with that kind of behavior from his girlfriend.

Answer 4

I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone who tells me that we aren't really friends just to placate his girlfriend. If he can't stand up to her about his friends, then I think he's pretty weak. He needs to grow a pair.