I have an issue with trust?

Question

a basic value... but how to trust?
i once heard "trust someone until they give you a reason to not trust them" probably something from the bible.
but i have been seeing things differently...why wait for them to deceive you? why just give them your trust in the blink of an eye? i think you should keep an eye on them until they have given much reason to earn your trust...
I also believe that once trust has been taken away, it can almost never be earned back.
If a deceitful person is given the chance to be trusted, they will of course deceive you, but a truthful person will expect trust for they are a truthful person...
is that the difference?
if someone expects trust they can be trusted?
it is so hard to see past lies..

Answer 1

Barbie - If you have an issue with trust, then you've always had an issue with trust. Trust (or mistrust) is the first thing we humans learn as infants. It is the first EMOTIONAL developmental stage that infants go through (between birth and about 1 year old). Infants learn if they can trust their parents (or caregivers) or not (to be there for them, to care for them). Most people think that trust is a decision that they make, but trust is actually a FEELING state. If you did not FEEL trust for your parents (or caregivers) as an infant, you will not easily trust as an adult.

You can, however, learn how to trust. Please read "The Courage to Trust" by Cynthia Wall. In her wonderful book Wall teaches what trust FEELS like and how to know who is truly trustworthy.

Answer 2

Some elements of trust come down to simple common sense and vary on a case-by-case basis. For instance you would never lone a perfect stranger large sums of money or accept a ride from someone you don’t know. Being cautious about trusting someone is not necessarily a bad thing. Those persons of good moral fiber who sincerely desire your friendship and trust will start off with baby steps and will prove their trustworthiness slowly over time while evaluating your trustworthiness as well. If some one you recently met were putting you on the spot and making you uncomfortable chances are they are not exactly trust worthy to begin with. It is well recognized in today’s society that there are numerous untrustworthy individuals afoot and only the foolish trust blindly. Also, generally a person of good moral fiber will not ask any thing of you or if they did at all it would not be more than what you would be comfortable with any way until they became close to you. For myself, another element to trust is my immediate gut reaction to some one. I can generally tell very quickly if I am going to like and have any measure of trust for any particular individual. Being cautious about people is OK but temper that with courtesy and consideration, try not to be overly suspicious of any one who has not given you cause.

As far as restoring your trust goes that again is a case-by-case basis. For instance if you had a long term friendship with some one whom you really enjoyed and they committed a minor infraction against you, you may well never waiver in your trust of them. If they committed some more grievous thing even then your trust of them may be restored if you found that it was not an intentional thing.

I would say to you that you should proceed on an individual basis using common sense and following your instinct. Be merciful where you can to those of your friends who break your trust as we all make mistakes.

Answer 3

Trust is a false expectation on your part. All people are trying to get what they want. If your interests come into conflict with another then the idea of 'trust' is put out there to manipulate the other person into not pursuing what you want.

Give up on pressuring others to conform to your idea of 'trust' and you will have nothing to fear.

Answer 4

I will answer you question just the way I answered another question about acquiring inner peace.

Some cannot have peace because they have forgotten what it was like to be loved without condition. They do not remember the experience of the love of God, so they base their idea of perfect love with what they see in the world.

Everyone's first experience of love is their mother and father, the first gods of our young universe. We loved them very much and they wouldn't lie to us. But haven't they told us that we are too much of this and not enough that? Haven't they not reminded us that we are to be seen and not heard? Didn't they told us that "We love you very much...but if you break our commandments, we will punish you with eternal banishment and everlasting damnation?"

We have experienced the banishment of our own parents. We experienced the pain of their damnation. How then can be imagine love to be any different with God?

So it came that we believed in this lie. - that God cannot be trusted; that His love cannot be depended upon; that God's acceptance of us is conditional; that the ultimate outcome is thus in doubt. For if we cannot depend on God's love to always be there, on whose love can we depend? If God retreats and withdraws when we do not perform properly, will not mere mortals also?

"...And so it is that in the moment you pledge your highest love, you greet your greatest fear."

So the first thing we worry about after saying "I love you" is whether we will hear it back. And if we did hear it back, we worry that the love we found we will lose. And so all actions become a reaction - defence against loss - even as we seek ourselves against the loss of God.

Yet if we know who we really are - that we are the most magnificent, most remarkable, most splendid being God has ever created - we would never fear. For who could reject such wondrous magnificence? Not even God could find fault in such a being.

So, what keeps us from having inner peace? Fear and doubt. It is our fear and doubt that the ultimate result is not guaranteed. For if we doubt outcome, then we must doubt Creator. As long as we believe that there is an enemy that can thwart God's will - that God does not have full power to match intentions with results - then how can we ever relax? How can we ever truly find peace? So we live in this great illusion of man: that the outcome of life is in doubt. So we live life in fear and guilt.

Yet God keeps telling us that the ultimate outcome is assured.

But there are some who don't even believe there is such a thing as God, so there is no such thing as perfect love in their universe. So they depend only on themselves and what they can observe from people. They are the most fearful and doubtful about everything. Who can they trust?

Answer 5

I think you hit the nail on the head with the word "earned", here... I believe a basically trustworthy person will see trustworthiness in others, a deceitful person will have cause to find suspect behaviors in others. The world is a mirror-view.

Answer 6

Trust is not essential to human interactions.

The most common form of trust violation is to overhear and be part of gossip. The larger questions is that of your values. Why surround yourself with deceitful people?

One can also check their motivation for wanting trust. Don't trust me. Which also means don't confide your deepest and darkest secrets to me. I don't want the responsibility for your information. i don't want to guard each and every conversation with the possibility that I might inadvertently expose your information.

If you must tell someone then choose someone who has a legal obligation to protect your information.

Answer 7

You might meet someone one day, and learn to trust them. However, if your sense of mistrust gets in the way, you might miss the chance to find someone you were meant to be with. You may need to deal with it by seeking professional help, if it has something to do with a tragedy that happened earlier in your life.

Answer 8

i try to trust everybody. trustworthy people will probably tend to trust me in return. sometimes its obvious a person cant be trusted...trust them to lie to you, cheat you. dont trust anyone completely until youve known them for awhile, and even then, dont trust them with secrets or whatever that they have no need to know. ive found that people who wouldnt trust themselves wont trust others. liers tend to think everybody lies. thieves tend to think everyone wants to steal from them.

Answer 9

wow and i thought i didnt know anything about trust,,,lets see what we can do to cure our fear...uuuh dont have a clue..lol

Answer 10

Let's open a club...I bet memberships would overflow, you're not alone sweety !!