Why do you think some people can feel chemistry between themself and another when the other person doesn't?

Question

If there is chemistry, shouldn't both people or neither feel it? I'm not talking strictly about physical attraction - that is something that is learned, I'm talking about actually feeling a connection with someone that isn't based on looks.

Thanks all. I'm going to put this to a vote because I don't know what answer to pick. Most of you answered with a romantic context and I really meant more of the non physical friendship type. All of your answers were interesting though.

Personally I think that if one person feels it an the other doesn't it's either because one was faking it (not just being nice because you can be nice without faking) or one doesn't want to admit that they have changed. We change over time and so does our chemistry with people. Usually it's not drastic, but I guess it can be.

Answer 1

I am not trained in psychology, hence my answer here is merely our of my personal common sense.

Chemistry, in my view, is simply a match with a set of values...... these values could be physical, behavioral, psychological or even moral/spiritual, and are mostly held at our subconscious level. When we get to believe or feel that a person is broadly matching our own set of values, the chemistry comes to be.
That I think leads to the answer for the question. It is perfectly possible that A broadly meets B's set of values but B doesn't meet A's...... primarily because we can not escape double standards.... we hold a set of values for others and a different one for ourselves. Moreover, it is also possible that we may be inherently unable to meet our own preferences because we deliberately prefer what we are not or can not be.... for instance an ugly person valuing beauty, a fair one preferring dark skin etc.

Chemistry is no random occurrence... like all else, there is the cause and effect principle whether we are consciously aware of the causes or not.

Hope this makes sense.

Great probing question... made me sit up and think through!!

Answer 2

unquestionably!!!! I had the astonishing comparable journey with the guy Im with now! We have been insane for the different from the 1st actual date! Its been 3 months and the chemistry gets greater desirable standard! I didnt think of it replaced into actual in the beginning up the two, yet there is not any denying it now. Congratulations, you're in love!

Answer 3

I believe people want to be loved so when they find a person they like and they haven't felt a spark in a long time they consider it chemistry, another reason for this is when people are being umm we will say kind about not liking the other they may be giving off signals of false love to easy the pain of rejection.

Answer 4

Because we unconsciously seek out in others what we are lacking in ourselves. If you perceive someone to have what you are looking for, you feel the attraction. Hence, it is not always a two way street.
Harville Hendrix explains it better than I do if you want to check out his book Getting the Love You Want.

I just dug my book out and I'm not quoting word for word. "What we are doing is looking for someone who has the predominant character traits of the people who raised us. Our old brain is trying to recreate the environment of childhood. The reason the old brain is trying to resurrect the past is not a matter of habit or blind compulsion but of a compelling need to heal old childhood wounds."

Answer 5

If one is feeling the chemistry and the other isn't then, their chemistry won't work together. They should pass it along with infatuation but when the two share the same chemistry..ewe la la..Baby!

Answer 6

well, you cant have chemistry if you dont mix things, so i would think the other would need to feel something too. the person that feels it could be mistaking it for attraction.

Answer 7

Wishful thinking?

Answer 8

I think its because that one person can become attached easier.