What does passive-aggressive mean? Can you give examples of passive-aggressive behavior?

Question

I've heard this term many times throughout my life, but I've never known what it meant and was embarrassed to ask!

Answer 1

Passive-aggressiveness is a personality trait in which the person indirectly specifies something that they want done, usually because they are afraid or consider it rude toask bluntly. This can get very annoying. For instance, if someone is visiting another person's house and there is a draft from the window, instead of asking the host to close the window, a passive-aggressive person will most likely start shivering and/or commenting on how cold it is, until the host gets the hint that they want the window closed.

Answer 2

Passive-aggressive is keeping your aggression and/or anger inside instead of acting on it. A person who is actively aggressive will not hesitate to act on it.
An example would be if someone promised to bring some milk home on the way home from work but NEVER seems to remember to do it. There is usually an underlying reason for this; they are reacting to something much deeper than not wanting to buy milk.
Am I a professional? NO WAY! But I have studied it in college and know the definition.
But I DO suggest you look it up in a good psychology book and/or on the internet.
And never be embarrassed to ask about things, cause you'll never know unless ya ask! :)

Answer 3

Hi Justice,
Good question. Passive-aggressive is a term often used when people don't understand why someone does what they do, and it's overused. However, it is a useful term when used correctly. Passive-aggressive indicates that someone wants to do something aggressive toward someone else, but feels incapable/afraid to take direct action, and expresses him/herself in an indirect way. The action taken is usually something that will provide an out to the person taking the acting, enabling him/her to say something like, "What do you mean? I wasn't doing anything to you!" Example: A young person is told to cut the grass. He doesn't want to do it, feels he shouldn't have to, etc. On the other hand, he does not believe he can negotiate with his parent - can't ask to do it at a more convenient time, can't get paid for it, or whatever would make the task more acceptable. He feels his parent would not understand, not want to understand, and that he is powerless in this situation. So, he goes out to cut the grass, but in the process, mows over a bush that his father recently planted. It's sort of conscious, but he feels a little like he couldn't help it - couldn't quite control the mower, so it's really not his fault. It just happened.
You can see that the boy got back at his father in an indirect way. If confronted with the behavior, he'll say, "I couldn't help it. I didn't know the bush was there," or "I didn't mean to do it!" He could not tell his father what he wanted to say, but found an indirect way to express his anger.
I'm sure you can think of many things that happen at school that have a feeling like this. Boys bumping into someone in the hall by "accident." A girl dropping her algebra book and interrupting the teacher she doesn't like, etc.
Thanks for asking your question. Want to check on some more terms? Take a look at my website: www.tandemjourney.org Léon

Answer 4

Someone who is passive aggressive can get what they want without using harsh words or outward anger.Let's say you ask man to do some housework.Rather than complaining or refusing to do it,he will do it badly on purpose in hopes that you will never ask him to do it again.If you call him on it,he will nicely say that he did not mess it up on purpose and claim incompetence.Chances are,you still won't ask him again anyway.

Answer 5

Passive-Aggressive examples:
1.) Dad says "Son,go mow the lawn" You say "Yes Dad" Then....
3 hours latter Dad says "Son,When are you gonna mow the lawn?" you say "I'm gettin to it!" (The Boy doesnt have the BALLS to tell his dad 'screw you! I AINT mowin jack!' so instead....he takes his time)
2.)You say "Dad,can I Please have $20 ?" and he says "$20?!!"
you ask for the 2nd time and he says "What makes you think i even GOT $20?" You ask for the 3rd time and he says something thats OTHER than 'Yes' or 'No'!(The Answer IS "NO" but Dad doesnt wanna verbally SAY no!)Dad is being "Passive-Aggressive"

3.)He's being "passive-aggressive" is just a polite way of sayin,.."He's being an @s$Hole!"

Answer 6

Bottom line: it is somebody who manipulates people into doing what they want, instead of coming right out and asking for something.

Like the old joke: How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a light-bulb? Answer: One: "Oh, don't mine me. I'll just sit here in the dark all alone. I'll probably kill myself tripping over furniture, but don't worry about me. I'll be fine.... in the dark.... all alone...."

The idea is manipulation (guilt tripping) instead of being honest and asking for what you want.

Answer 7

2 people are not getting along, one is screaming and cussing, the other appears to be backing down, not saying much, even walks away, but in their head their thinking, you are so not worth arguing with, ,go on and run your mouth, I refuse to drop to your level, but I will take my time and even this score when time is right, opportunity will present its self, , I see nothing wrong with this behavior

Answer 8

*FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you.
*FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. He picks fights to create distance.
*FEAR OF COMPETITION - Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he'll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power.
*OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell a p/a man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won't say when, and he"ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.
*FOSTERING CHAOS - The p/a man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the job undone.
*FEELING VICTIMIZED - The p/a man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reporach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.
*MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The p/a man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - the p/a man may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.
*PROCRASTINATION - The p/a man has an odd sense of time - he believes that deadlines don't exist for him.
*CHRONIC LATENESS & FORGETFULNESS - One of the most infuriating & inconsiderate of all p/a traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting - used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.
*AMBIGUITY - He is master of mixed messages and sitting on fences. When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.

Answer 9

I think it means you dont react with anger. Although I am not entirely sure

Answer 10

wiki.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive


works every time.