I have been married 17 years and I still love my husband very much. I have spent the last 12 years trying to improve our sex life. The first 5 years we were together almost daily.... he changed after I became pregnant with our first son... he refused to have sex during and for 3 years after I gave birth... he finally started giving me sex again once every four - six months for about 4 years [I was thrilled]... then he just quit again.. and I desperately tried EVERYTHING I knew of in the last 4 years to entice, seduce, interest or help him want to... he simply refuses to accept that anything is wrong... he told me he's happy with me... he just prefers to masturbate. I was very hurt he was satisfying himself and withholding from me! I felt betrayed and out of anger and hurt sought advice from an old boyfriend... we had sex... and I felt aweful afterwards. I even fantasized that he was my husband ... I will NEVER do it again, but should I tell my husband about it?
2007-08-06 09:39:39 · 15 answers · asked by Sorry 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't tell your husband about it as it will only make matters worst. Your husband refuses to acknowledge that their is a problem and I am afraid you have helped him do so. I know you say you have tried countless of times to get him to see that their is a problem and he has refused to admit to it. Their usually are several reasons this happens, one, he no longer finds you sexually attractive, two he has someone else, three there is deep rooted anger and resentment towards you, four he masturbates because it is easier and quicker and less hassle. The reasons could go on and on. You both need professional help to work out the issues and reasons he is refusing to have sex with you. His lack of concern of your needs is an indication of a slowly growing disdain for your feelings He sounds angry, disappointed, resentful and is secretly punishing you. Only a professional would be able to help you both resolve this, but if he is refusing to even admit there is a problem then just know, without change things will remain the same. It is up to you to decide.
2007-08-06 09:55:06 · answer #1 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my mother was newly married, my grandmother, a strict late-Victorian German Catholic woman, offered some instructions. In marriage, she said, there is no sexual sin. Now the preachers and teachers can jump on that one all they want, but if you are a person who follows religious beliefs, then you have one answer - nope, masturbation is not wrong - particularly if your husband instructed you to do so. All of this dodges the real points, which many others answering you have already made. But in this answer, perhaps you will get some help that is consistent with your own context. Personally, I think almost all religions have made a hopeless mess of dealing with sexuality. (And Wiccans, there are things there too I think are off kilter, so don't even go there!) Good luck. PS - I do remember one woman who once told me there is no sex after marriage.
2016-04-01 02:11:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion it's never good to tell the truth about something like that. Usually, not being rude, it's selfish as the only reason one would confess is to hopefully stop feeling guilty whereas the other person is only going to get hurt and lose their trust.
But I guess it all depends on the people involved and the situation. If it's just to stop feeling guilty, then no... don't hurt someone else just because you can't live with the fact that you made a mistake. Don't make everyone pay for it.
2007-08-06 10:12:09 · answer #3 · answered by stepmomster22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband probably has some kind of a sexual addiction. He's masterbating with something, probably porn. And, he pretty addicted because it's interfering with normal sexual life, plus he can't stop, plus he's denying that anything is wrong at all inspite of the fact that his relationship is down the tubes. I doubt therapy will work at all. In fact, I doubt that your marriage will work in the long-term. It will only work for as long as you can tolerate it, but it's not a real marriage. Personally, I wouldn't say a thing to him about the affair. It's in your best interest to demand that he go to therapy (while he'll refuse), then start contemplating your relationship, seriously!
2007-08-06 11:05:39 · answer #4 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't ...at least in this case and NOT right NOW!
I think you should get your hubby into the DR and have him looked at!
Something is not right here...
My Sister is going through the same thing...a little different but mostly the same. They have not been intimate for 6 years, since the birth of their son.
(I WAS married to him, I left him because he was into sodomy, and brutality.)
Even after I told her what he was like, she refused to forget about marrying him...and even after he beats her, their son and their dog...she still refuses to leave him.
He has anger issues as well. I can feel for you, and I wish that things will get better for you.
Blessings.
2007-08-06 09:48:47 · answer #5 · answered by Midnight Winter WOLF 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend he feels the same way as your husband, I asked him why and his reply was that he loved his son but didn't want anymore kids. Every time they had sex he was always thinking she was going to get pregnant again. I'm not sure if this could be his feeling also or not but I thought I would share it with you. I think you 2 should go to counseling. I don't believe in keeping secrets from my spouse, but I think you should bring it up in counseling. Good luck
2007-08-06 09:56:47 · answer #6 · answered by the_wayward1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I want to know is why you are still married to someone who doesn't have sex with you. I would have been out the door after a year of that ****. I think you need to tell him what you did and why you did it. I would also suggest marriage counseling. If he doesn't agree with that then kick him to the curb. If there are problems in the bedroom then there are problems outside the bedroom. Good luck!
2007-08-06 12:51:39 · answer #7 · answered by Dani&Morgan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think I would go to therapy. If the therapist thinks it would be helpful to tell, then I would. There is clearly a problem here and although I don't agree with you having the affair I do get it. Go to therapy even if he's not willing to go with you. You need to figure out how to deal with this.
2007-08-06 09:44:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes ...you should tell hime and seriously the two of you should seek some counseling or therapy to rekindle your marriage.... don't give up! I'll be praying for you.
2007-08-06 09:54:18 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something is really wrong with your husband. You should take your husband to a therapist. DO NOT tell him about your night stand!!!
2007-08-06 09:45:33 · answer #10 · answered by ChioPio 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋