You Might Be A Conservative, IF...
... you watch the Rush Limbaugh show the same way your kid watches “Barney and Friends.”
... you complain about the “liberal media” (CBS, NBC, ABC, New York Times, etc.) on any of the numerous conservative political radio talk shows.
... you have a bumper sticker that says “Insured by Smith and Wesson.”
... you believe the hole in the ozone layer to be a myth created by crazy liberals.
... you fervently speak about the evils of marijuana at social gatherings with a vodka straight in hand.
... you believe the Constitution states that Christianity is our official religion.
... you believe that elected officials should have no immunity to laws that you yourself must abide by.
(Somewhere, a Liberal just muttered "Wait a second...")
... you think the words feminist and lesbian are synonyms.
... you fit any of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if...”
... you believe every man, woman, and child should be armed to the teeth with AK-47’s, hand grenades, handguns, and any other weapon imaginable. Wait, that should read "You might be a Liberal if you actually think that Conservatives believe..."
... you believe in the importance of individual responsibility, and do not wish for the government to tell you how to live.
... you have faith in economic policies such as “trickle down economics.”
... you think that Michaelangelo’s David should be wearing boxers at the least.
... the hostess at the Sizzler knows you by name.
... you have a button that says “I’m not prejudiced, I hate everyone.”
... you can ask your daddy to bail you out when you lose hundreds of thousands of dollars from embezzling S&L’s.
... your get your opinions from an egocentric man named Rush who distorts facts consistently to fit his views.
... you obsessively impose your own morality upon others. Hmmm.. A common denominator...
... you ever wanted to amend the Constitution to make desecration of the flag illegal.
... you believe that if parents and teachers don’t mention sex to a child until s/he is 16, then s/he won’t even know it exists until then.
... you think it might be a good idea to don rubber gloves before shaking hands with a homosexual.
... you believe so strongly in the importance of equality that you are against giving groups of people special benefits based on their race or religion.
... you helped to ban Beavis from saying “fire,” yet keep a loaded handgun in the house.
... you think “proletariat” is a type of cheese.
... you’ve named your kids “Deduction one” and “Deduction two.”
... you’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
... you’ve ever referred to someone as “my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend.”
... you’ve ever tried to argue that Jesus was a Capitalist.
... you’re a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
... you think Huey Newton is a cookie.
... the only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they’re richer than you.
... you understand that politicians are not gods, are human beings and are not better than you, and do not necessarily know what is best FOR you.
... you think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
... you once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
... you’ve ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
... you understand the goodness of cultural diversity, but also realize the harm of mass illegal immigration.
... you’ve ever uttered the phrase, “Why don’t we just bomb the sons of bitches.”
... you’ve ever said, “I can’t wait to get into business school.”
... you actually think that there are people who own fully automatic AK-47’s for “hunting purposes.” (Actually, that should appear on the “You Might be a Liberal” list too...)
... you’ve ever called a secretary or waitress “Toots.”
... you answer to “The Man.”
... you use any of these terms to describe your wife: old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...
... you’ve ever yelled, “Hey hippie, get a haircut.”
... you think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
... you argue that you need lots of handguns in case a bear ever attacks your home.
... you’ve ever said “Clean air? Looks clean to me.”
... you spent MLK Day reading “The Bell Curve.”
... you’ve ever called education a luxury.
... you realize that although taxation is necessary, you are over-taxed.
... you think that it’s arrogant and condescending when white people act as if African Americans couldn’t make it without their help.
... you wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
... you came of age in the ‘60s and don’t remember Bob Dylan.
... you ever based an argument on the phrase, “Well, tradition dictates....”
... you’ve ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.
... you think all artists are gay.
... you ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch “lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn’t want to contribute to society.”
... you’ve ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don’t even have shoes.
2007-08-06 09:00:05 · 13 answers · asked by Raven 5 in Politics & Government ➔ Politics
In response to same question asking about liberals.
2007-08-06 09:15:36 · update #1
you exclude your gay relatives from family events and holidays
you rail about how schools are fighting to keep jesus out of science classes
you make your kids sign virginity oaths then go sleep with your mistresses
after ranting against homosexuality at the bar or fund raiser you get voted top stall at the local truck stop
you support banning huck finn and tell black jokes at the drop of a hat
after protesting at an abortion clinic you pay your jail bait girlfriend her half of the bill after dropping her off and still try to save money by offering her a coat hanger and the clean spot at the nearest alley
you took every deferment during Nam and scream against the drop in military recruitment
you think G Gordon Liddy should do kids parties and be secdef
you pay extra dues at your country club to keep it "exclusive"
2007-08-06 09:09:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Freedom is - ... you have a bumper sticker that says “Insured by Smith and Wesson.”
Double the penalties for anyone who breaks the public trust - ... you believe that elected officials should have no immunity to laws that you yourself must abide by.
(Somewhere, a Liberal just muttered "Wait a second...")
Wow that predjudice at it's finest - ... you fit any of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if...”
The second amendment provides for your ability to overthrow a corupt government, has jack to do with hunting - ... you believe every man, woman, and child should be armed to the teeth with AK-47’s, hand grenades, handguns, and any other weapon imaginable. Wait, that should read "You might be a Liberal if you actually think that Conservatives believe..."
Duh - ... you believe in the importance of individual responsibility, and do not wish for the government to tell you how to live.
Discrimination sucks, all of it - ... you believe so strongly in the importance of equality that you are against giving groups of people special benefits based on their race or religion.
Given the same choices and the same information you and I would make most of the same choices - ... you understand that politicians are not gods, are human beings and are not better than you, and do not necessarily know what is best FOR you.
It's about the idea of law and the spirit of breaking a law that establishes a community outside the law - ... you understand the goodness of cultural diversity, but also realize the harm of mass illegal immigration.
I couldn't afford a better college, military service only pays so much - ... you’ve ever called education a luxury.
34% - ... you realize that although taxation is necessary, you are over-taxed.
I started out dirt poor and clawed my way up, people of all races have been doing it for a while - ... you think that it’s arrogant and condescending when white people act as if African Americans couldn’t make it without their help.
What were you waiting for? Stand up and do what you can, it's something - ... you’ve ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don’t even have shoes.
These seem to fit me........
2007-08-06 09:22:55 · answer #2 · answered by joshbl74 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The list of attributes is simply the liberal propaganda version of a conservative. It comes from the same type of people, like our Vice President, who actually stated in the campaign that conservatives are going to "Put you Back in Chains." Completely demented, closed-minded, and radical. Although, you can't blame them for not knowing the difference between reality and their media's and politician's propaganda. Remember what George Costanza said . . . "It's not a lie, if you believe it." They want to believe it, so there is no changing them. Almost everything in the list is a hyper-inflation of the truth. Liberals are experts at telling half-truths, which in the end makes it a full lie. It's simply a list of pejorative generalizations. Conservatives on the other hand came make specific and detailed examples of liberal failings.
#1... Only a liberal justice system can charge, try, convict, and sentence Scott Peterson for (2) murders, but if Laci Peterson had gone in for an abortion that morning (instead of being murdered) the same liberal judicial system would applaud Laci for exercising her right to chose. Only a liberal justice system can be that radically variable in justice.
#2... Only a liberal can make the claim conservatives ignore science (i.e. Global Warming, Inconvenient Truth) and then the exact same group blatantly ignore the scientific fact of conception and human sexuality/reproduction. In the end, liberals are tied to ideology. Only when science is in alignment with that ideology is science the rule. When science is found to be an inconvenient truth to their ideology, then, science is abruptly ignored.
#3... Liberals love to claim conservatives are war-mongering, human rights violators, and war criminals. Lets look at the last 240 years of American history and who was involved:
- Democrats threaten to walk out of Declaration of Independence support if slavery is not maintained
- Slavery: Democrats fight a Civil War to keep their slavery
- WWI: Woodrow Wilson - Democrat
- KKK: Founded by Democrats
- WWII: FDR - Democrat
- Father of Japanese and German internment camps: FDR - Democrat
- Only leader in the history of earth to use nuclear weapons on another country: Truman - Democrat
- Korean war: Truman - Democrat
- Cuban missile crisis: Kennedy - Democrat
- Vietnam: LBJ - Democrat
- 1960's Civil Rights movement: Opposed by more Democrats that Republicans
- Bosnia, Somalia, Iraqi aspirin factory bombings: Clinton - Democrat
Remember, with the above facts, it comes with the caveat that when a Republican is involved in conflict, all the evidence is ignored by liberals. The war is because the Republican is a war-monger Nazi. So view the list with the same set of rose-colored glasses. If we ignore the relevant facts of how we got into the situation with Repulicans, use the same measure in which to evaluate the Democrats. Of course, there is no excuse when it comes to slavery, the KKK, and internment camps. Those human rights violations stand alone in Democrat party history. No excuse for those human rights violations.
2014-10-31 10:42:19 · answer #3 · answered by FloridaGator13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hilarious.
2015-08-17 19:19:59 · answer #4 · answered by IThoughtYouWereMyGhost 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some of that I can relate to but I am not a conservative because I don't wish to be buried with my money so no one else can get it.
2007-08-06 09:11:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nah, not a conservative, but a person who just blindly follows what all the right wing pundits say and doesn't think for themselves. there are plenty of people like that on the left too. its sad really, it didn't used to be this bad.
2007-08-06 09:03:57 · answer #6 · answered by secretservice 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I know you liberals have alot of time on your hands since most don't have jobs with their liberal senators getting them free handouts and everything, but you seriously need to get a life. That is sad and pathetic you wasted all that time to write something that meaningless an pointless. HA HA
GET A JOB but thanks for the laughs
The Oscar one was the best, because it shows you really do just want free handouts.
2007-08-06 09:05:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
Get a life.
I answer to "The Man". So I am conservative.
2007-08-06 09:07:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Are you trying to say all artists aren't gay?
2007-08-06 09:04:18 · answer #9 · answered by Danny K 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yahoo! Answers would be so much better if you could give bad ratings to questions as well.
2007-08-06 09:04:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 2⤋