I'm 31 and my fiance is 51. He has 2 grown children ages 27 & 29. His kids have been his life. They both work for him. He loves them very much and would do anything for them. But they hate me b/c of my age apparantly and refuse to even meet me. Neither of them came to dinner for their dad's bday b/c I was there and now that we are engaged I'm wondering if they will even come to the wedding. I don't need them to like me but it would be nice if they could respect their father by growing up a little and acting mature at family functions or holidays instead of refusing to show up at all which hurts him very much. Hopefully time will heal all of this. Who knows. I don't want to be a mom of any sort to them. The best I could hope for is to be a friend. It is hard not to get mad though. Their dad employs them, gives and gives to them and this is the way they treat him. Because I love him I hate to watch it. The rest of his family is happy for us. What should I/we do about the kids though?
2007-08-06 08:16:43 · 20 answers · asked by bnr76 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it will always be uncomfortable just give them time and make it easy to visit you---dont demand anything just let them visit when they want to
2007-08-06 08:20:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This seems to me to be a mutual case of having opinions about other people, that are only founded on a superficial idea.
You need to let go of your own impressions of them.
You need to respect them as people in their own right.
You need to be yourself and not be concerned about it.
You and his children need to be non-judgemental.
It first starts with you. You are asking the questions.
Trust that the universe works.
What you want for yourself, you have to give.
And give and give.
Give unconditionally because you are a loving person who is giving your best care in all areas of your life.
Give respect, forgiveness, love, kindness, with no thought at all for yourself.
It must be given freely and because you understand the part you play in the world.
You are either loving and giving, or you are judging, unhappy, keeping score, lamenting, etc, etc, etc......
Trust in the process.
You will see a difference.
It starts with you.
And if your fiances' children had written "their side" of the "situation" I would say the same to them.
God plays no favourites.
2007-08-06 08:32:59 · answer #2 · answered by Astro 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I recommend breaking off the engagement and your relationship with this man. These kids will always come between you and this man. It will cause much heartache down the road which will lead to a breakdown of your marriage. So, save yourself the trouble and heartache and break it off now.
Also, there is such a big age difference between the two of you. You really need to stick with someone closer to your age. He will be in his 60's by the time you are in the prime of your life. You will be changing his diapers, carting him back and forth to the doctor etc. (This happened to someone I know...it's sad to watch her spend all her time at the hospitals and doctor's offices, when she should be having fun)
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but you need to look at this rationally/realistically.
2007-08-06 09:24:12 · answer #3 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really isn't anything you can do to try to make them like you.
All you can do is just be you, and hopefully some day they will give you a chance.
Your fiance should have a talk with them to let them know how much this hurts him.
Once they know "they" are hurting him, maybe then they will stop being so immature.
Just be there for your fiance and don't ever put the pressure on him to ever have to "choose" between you or his kids.
Good luck
2007-08-06 08:38:37 · answer #4 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
His children are adults, grown and taking care of themselves. They have no say over who their father sees or marries. And if they're are that spoiled to act as they do...then there is something wrong with them, not you.
I can understand there being some uncomfort with it at first. But if they are unwilling to meet you then they are being blatantly disrespectful of their father. Let him handle his children. If they love them as they say they do, they will eventually come around to some degree. You may never have a "motherly" role in their life, but at some point it could be civil.
Good Luck
2007-08-06 08:30:26 · answer #5 · answered by Tina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if they're 27 and 29, they aren't kids... You shouldn't be angry at them. He's with a woman that only a few years older than they are and from their perspective, they probably think that you're with him for his life insurance money. They probably think you're just a gold digger that doesn't love their Dad at all. You should take it upon yourself to meet up with both of them and have a heart to heart. If you express to them how you feel about their father, things will get better. It sounds to me like you just haven't done that and it's probably very upsetting to them. You want them to respect their father [and probably you as well] but, you have to give respect to get respent. Make the first move and things WILL get better.
2007-08-06 08:26:35 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You will always be disliked by his kids. You are the other lady. Just invite them don't expect too much. By their age they are not kids any more they are growen adults and they are just acting out. If the family happy for you then you go ahead and plan your big day. If they have any real love for their father then they will come for him. But don't expect them to welcome you with open arms. Just be kind, loving and welcoming.
2007-08-06 08:33:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you can do about his kids....he allows them to treat you this way. Until he commands that they show you some respect they will not. All you can do is be nice and civil to them...hopefully they will come around and get over the age difference.
2007-08-06 08:21:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
There father loves YOU and you guys are going to get married. If those kids don't accept it TOOOOOOOO bad it not there life it's yours. I'm a stepmom and I'm having trouble also with the kids mom and it kind of make my life a LIVING HELL
But I'm not going to run I'll be strong and I'm telling YOU to be strong
GOOD LUCK SWEETIE
2007-08-06 11:03:28 · answer #9 · answered by AK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess just give them time. At this point you are going to get married no matter what, so they'll just have to come to terms with it. It's ashame that at thier age they would have to be so petty. I feel for your fiance.
2007-08-06 08:26:09 · answer #10 · answered by diablo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I don't blame them. You are disgustingly close to their age. They will eventually come around to respect you and him.
But you are like a mother figure to them and it's weird to have a mom that is 2 years older than you. If I were them, and you ever acted motherly towards me, I would hate you.
2007-08-06 08:22:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋