Is it ok to stop breastfeeding your newborn? If so then why do I feel like such a horrible person?

Question

I stopped trying to breastfeed when my daughter was 1 1/2 weeks old. It wasn't working for us for many reasons...my milk wasn't as plentiful as she would have liked and my 2 year old son always acting up when I tried to feed her knowing I wasn't as fast to get up and put him in time out were two of the main reasons. She would get frusterated at the lack of milk at first and then she just stopped trying after a few days. I feel like I am a horrible mom for not trying longer but the truth is it was making life hard for us both and I was a weepy mess. I love her so much and wanted to give her all the best. I wanted to be the type of Mom who breastfed their child until the child weaned (like 2 or 3)..... Now I feel like she was cheated. What is your opinion on this?

My little girl is only 3 weeks 3 days now so that's why I am still so sad.

Where are all the peoples answers that gave the thumbs down??? There is only one " it's not ok" answer...but some peoples answers have 5 thumbs down....I want honesty here....even if it hurts

Answer 1

Don't beat yourself up about it. Breastfeeding just isn't for every woman and that doesn't make you a bad mom. Just as women who do breastfeed shouldn't look down on women who don't as if they are better. You tried to and that's all that matters. I breastfeed my little girl for the first week or so too. The first few days of trying were horrible b/c she wouldn't latch on right and she wasn't getting enough to eat which meant she was constantly crying. So then I started trying to pump, but my breasts just wouldn't produce that much. I finally decided to just give up on it b/c she had began losing weight. All that mattered to me was that my daughter was finally eating and healthy. Breastfeeding may be less expensive and better for the baby, but I think bottle feeding it more convenient and helps give mommy a break b/c daddy can help feed too. So don't feel bad about it b/c you love your child and that's all that matters

Answer 2

Breastfeeding can be really tough sometimes, and it often takes quite a while to get the hang of it...for both mom and baby (and older siblings, for that matter). I have a friend who had a HORRIBLE time with breastfeeding for the first month, but after everyone adjusted it became a lot easier and she is still breastfeeding her son who is now 13 months old. Unfortunately, not everyone will get to do that, because often times moms give up trying to breastfeed because it's too hard. And I'm totally not saying that this is the case for you, but I know a lot moms will stop breastfeeding because they think they baby isn't getting enough, when in all reality the reason the baby is needing to feed every 2 hours is because that's perfectly natural and just what newborns do, and not because they aren't getting enough milk per feeding. I believe that education and perseverance are two things that are needed in order to be a successful breastfeeding mommy! That being said, as someone has already pointed out, you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. All moms want the best for their children, and it's no secret that breastmilk is the healthiest option (not to mention the cheapest!) But sometimes things don't turn out the way you plan, and there's nothing wrong with that. As long as your precious baby girl is happy and healthy, that's all that matters, right? God bless :)

Answer 3

I had the same problem. Don't feel bad because of it. I had a breast reduction so my milk is limited. So I chose to breastfeed first and bottlefeed because I did want what was best for her. She wouldn't get enough by breastfeeding. I felt like a failure because I couldn't just breastfeed. To make matters worse is that my mom made me feel like a horrible person. Remember you are trying to keep your baby happy and healthy and bottlefeeding babies can be just as healthy as non breastfeeding (not to say that breastfeeding doesn't have great advantages such as certain immunitys and convenience and lower cost) and the colostrum (which provides much of the immunity) is the most important which you got at the beginning. This is my opinion. You are doing what you feel is right for your child so do it if you think it is giving your baby the nutrition she needs. Also why you feel that way could be a number of things from the loss of that closeness you feel (which you can bond with baby without breastfeeding). Me personally it was a combination of feeling like a failure and for me it was a different closeness. I can't explain it. But when I saw my baby had gained nearly a pound by me doing both I was happy. I couldn't say she would gain weight otherwise. Also, unfortunately your hormones do not go down right away. Congrats on your baby.

Mommy of 3 week old on Thursday.

Answer 4

Stop being so hard on yourself, you tried; that's what's important. I've learned that it's hard to plan everything with children - I breastfed my son exclusively for a few months but didn't know about my resources then so I started giving him formula during the day & nursing the rest of the time, then around 6 months old I switched him to only formula - he had no problems breastfeeding and I probably could have continued for awhile. When I was pregnant with my daughter I thought this time I will try to only breastfeed at least for 6 months, and it has been one struggle after another, she's 6 1/2 months and I think I've finally got it figured out but there are days I just want to stop pumping and give her formula while she's at daycare.

You're not a horrible mom, it's tough having 2 little ones I can imagine. When I was nursing my daughter in the beginning my son (4 1/2 yrs old) would purposely get snacks and run right past me because like you mentioned you can't get up; I used to get so mad but what could I do.

You yourself stated it made life harder and things are hard enough with a newborn, if she's doing good on the formula just be glad for that. Breastmilk or formula, what matters is she has a mom who loves her no matter what and you obviously do. Congratulations!

Answer 5

Ok, how do I say this....? First of all let me say, you are not a horrible mother. Having a newborn and a 2 yr old is hard, I know. My first and second are exactly 2yrs apart. That said, I keep looking at your sentence that says, "I wanted to be the type of mother who breasfed their child until the child weaned." You can still do it if you really want to. Put a movie on for you toddler, or make a special bag of toys that he can only play with when you are nursing. I went through the same thing when I was in your situation. If you feel like you "gave up" you can start again. I noticed that everyone except for a few people really just told you what you wanted to hear.
It doesn't make you less of a mother if you don't breastfeed. If you still want to MAKE it work you can. Don't doubt your supply because breastmilk is supply and demand. She probablly just loves to suck and loves to nurse. I am a breastfeeding mom and breastfed all of my kids for a while. I am still breastfeeding my 16 month old and will for a while. Do what you will make you happy... if it's starting up again and powering through the rough spots, then do it. If it's not starting up again then move forward and don't look back. If you do want to start up again you need to get in contact with a lactation consultant.

Answer 6

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
Is it ok to stop breastfeeding your newborn? If so then why do I feel like such a horrible person?
I stopped trying to breastfeed when my daughter was 1 1/2 weeks old. It wasn't working for us for many reasons...my milk wasn't as plentiful as she would have liked and my 2 year old son always acting up when I tried to feed her knowing I wasn't as fast to get up and put him in time out...

Answer 7

i felt like this also.. I stopped when my son was about 3weeks old.. Im only 20 years old, and wanted to show everyone that even though iam, i'm mature enough to give my son the best start in life..

During delivery i broke the very last bone on your spine.. So it was very hard for me to sit for the 1st 3 months of his life. I couldnt lay down b/c he would pull so hard and it would hurt.. Nothing was going right.. he developed thrush... he didnt sleep b/c he was never full.. i was a weepy mess also...

i felt horrble.. My mom breastfed me till 8 months.. all women in my family never used formula wiith any of their children..

i would cry everynight b/c i knew while my husband layed there sleeping i would go through terrible pain every 2 hours.. nothing helped.. not the lanolin or any home remedies.

Finally me and my mother had a talk.. She assured me that she would rather see a happy mom bottlefeeding than a miserable mom breastfeeding..

So i switched to the bottle, and things got so much easier.. I had a hard delivery as i've mentioned and didn't fully recover untill about 3 1/2 months after..

I wish that i would have stuck it through and kept at it.. I felt horrible for about a month.. Now i feel fine.. Both me and my baby are much happier with my decision..


i love how we get thumbs down for every answer that says it's okay not to breastfeed.. and it's your choice.. Those women that push you to breastfeed and make you feel even worse get a thumbs up.. this is rediculous...

I don't think any woman should be put down for a simple decision of how to feed her child... Even if it's personal reasons we are in no place to judge her..

Answer 8

I'm an "old" mom... of my 4 "babies," my youngest is now 19 years old. I can attest that when your baby grows up, it won't make a wit of difference whether or not, or how long you breastfed... she'll chew her food just as normally and drink from a glass just as capably as any other child. The fact is, it's not so much whether you breastfeed or not, but it's the love and care you give your child that counts. If you prop up the bottle in the baby's mouth and disappear from the room, then yes, you're cheating the baby. But if you cradle your child with love while she nurses from the bottle, she's getting exactly what she would be getting if you nursed her... your love and attention.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Life is too short!

Answer 9

I stopped breastfeeding after 5 days. I wanted to, and was looking forward to it. But it didn't work out. I didn't produce enough milk. End of story.

Those who are saying keep trying, and you can take pills or injections to produce milk really are the problem. They aren't willing to accept YOUR choice. But guess what? This is your life, no one elses.

You chose to stop, that is your decision alone. People can throw all the studies they want around. The fact is, each child is unique and different. My son, who was bottle fed 99% of his infant life, is doing just fine, at age 11. He's healthy, happy, and not overweight.

This is your choice, and if your happier for it, then you made the right choice. If you aren't happy, your children aren't happy, that's all there is to it.

I will say I agree with another writer - 2-3 years old and still breastfeeding is a tad extreme though. But I've always been of the mindset that if the child can walk up to you, or ask for the boob, then they shouldn't get it :) But again, that's my own personal belief.

Don't let anyone sway your decision. I assume you are now feeding your newborn formula - check with your pediatrician if you are unsure if it's a good brand for your child. My son had to be put on a particular formula, as the others were upsetting his tummy. Not a big deal though, as it was an easy switch.

Don't let anyone sway you one way or another - do what is right for you. Personally, I wouldn't allow my body to be introduced to false hormones, and just ignored all those that criticized me. And I was so much happier, as was my son :)

Answer 10

My first child was only breasfed for 2 weeks. I know what a let down it feels like. However you did try and you can tell her that you did breastfeed her even if it was just a little while. REally when they are grown as long as they are healthy that is all that matters.

When you are feeding now just give extra cuddles and all will be well.