My husband is a 23 year old african american male and I am a 30 year old caucasian female. I have a master's degree & a good paying job, he has a high school diploma & makes about 1/4 of what I do. We have one child & one on the way. We have been together 5 years and married 2. My husband has cheated on me many many times. I truly love him & our child adores him. I do not have low self-esteem or think that I don't deserve better. He is mainly attracted to african american females, however he does tell me he is attracted to me as well. Due to him looking at african american females & cheating on me with them I feel as though I can't "compete" with them. He is mainly with these girls for sex & the longest he has been with one is about a month. I know that I can't "make" him stop cheating, but does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to make him interested in me and not other females?
2007-08-06 07:54:33 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hmmm... honey, first of all you are married to a man who is immature and ignorant too. You are educated refined, seasoned, he is just a child still enjoying is 20's. The problem is that he doesnt feel a challenge, he is cheating on you, and there is nothing you can do to make him turn to you and not other women. He wants to be with other women, he wants to play the field. Sadly the most you can do is leave this looser... there isnt anything I can tell you love, that would help other than that. You have to think about your children. You have one and you're pregnant and do you really want you children to have this type of influence? Do you want your daughter to think that women are supposed to be treated like this? Do you want you son to think that you are supposed to cheat and not work to achieve success?
Set great examples for your babies by being that example yourself. Your kids will still love their daddy, and it sounds like they're so young that they wont really understand the seperation. Do it now before your children begin to resent you for staying. That is where my sisters and I are with our mom. Its tough...
You do deserve better and you know you do, you can do better and you know you can... the thing is that while you KNOW it, you need to DO it. Dont just know your worth honey. Live it!
I hope things work out for you sweetie..
2007-08-06 08:08:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG! What are you thinking. You must have low self esteem if you just "let" him cheat on you. Ok this is great advice so listen up. First of all, It is not ok for your husband to go out with other women. And how can you honestly say that you "love" him if he cheated on you mulitple times. He has no respect for you or the relationship or your children. Wake up sister! He wasnt thinking about you when her was having sex with all these other women. Loose the jerk and get you a real man who thinks you are a goddess and wants to only be with you. Try some esteem classes honey cause your is so low if you believe you can change a cheating man. He knows you arent gonna do nothing that is why he isnt afraid to go sleep around. But you need to respect your self and your body. Honey there are sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, and he may be getting someone else pregnant.
2007-08-06 08:10:36 · answer #2 · answered by Dr Honesty 77 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He's fixed on a certain type of which you are not (that in itself should tell you something). He's cheated more than once, it's more than a slip up, it's a bad habit.
If you want to be sure he's in love with you and you seek change, kick him out. He's gonna have to have some tough love and he's going to have to change his ways. I'd be more concerned about what diseases he's bringing home and how many oops (babies) there are. If he loves you, he'll stop this bad behavior and be committed and become a man, husband and a father. This isn't a marriage, it's more of convenience for him (he's got the best of two worlds and immature to boot).
2007-08-06 08:05:06 · answer #3 · answered by trojan 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Right now, he KNOWS you're his, he KNOWS you are a secure part of his life. If he sees another man handling HIS woman and it upsets him it may be something to barter with but he can't make you stop because he is doing it and you give him acceptance. If it doesn't faze him then there's nothing to fight for.
This is something you have expressely allowed and he will not see anything the wrong in his actions. I'm not one for vengance or being vindictive and this may not be something you want to do but when it comes to relationships I strongly believe in equality. Be willing and prepared to receive what you give.
He sees other women, the reason you allow it is besides the point the fact is that you do. He does not respect you as a wife and person but that is acceptable for you. You have chosen this life so the only suggestion I can give is do the same. Have an open relationship. Not MY cup of tea, but many have achieved it. Don't make him your world because if/when he is gone he will have taken all of that with him.
BUT! Think about your health. You can't be 100% certain that he is taking every necessary precaution so it lays in your hands. You know he is being sexually active with other women so if you are not careful and end up with an STD you can't entirely blame him.
ALSO! Think about your child. Your child will also see this and view/know it as the norm. When he/she is cheated on or cheats it will be acceptable behavior in his/her eyes. Much like children raised in abusive and love-less homes, they tend to follow the cycle/pattern.
2007-08-06 08:08:22 · answer #4 · answered by astryd13 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The only times I have cheated is when I don't care for the person. And try to find in the others what I feel I don't have with the one I cheated on. He doesn't love or care for you. Otherwise whatever it is he looks for in these other women. He would be coming to you for. You are a woman with her own income. There is no reason for you to tolerate his behavior. Don't let the idea that you are with a younger man. Be an excuse for staying with him. He clearly isn't worth it.
2007-08-06 08:06:10 · answer #5 · answered by Red Rose 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You mean like dying your skin black? I am truly amazed that a woman of your age and education is even asking this question. This is something that a very young and not terribly intelligent woman would be asking.
So, not in response to your question, either except that your husband is always going to make a fool out of you, deny his children, and treat his marriage like a cesspool OR confront him with an ultimatum. The cheating stops or you go.
2007-08-06 08:04:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No. Copying and pasting is infrequently cheating although. human beings ask questions, you provide solutions. anyplace you acquire that answer from is infrequently cheating. cheating could basically be seen cheating in case you have been taking part in for factors or prestige. i'm going to freely admit I easily have different identities on ya. in the previous I even knew what ya replaced into, I had 3 yahoo e mail addresses, via a could keep emails separate. when I discovered of ya, I enjoyed it, and if I had signed in at one address, i could turn over to solutions on that address. and infrequently at yet another address. Then sometime I realised that if i had to strengthen my factors, all I had to do replaced into provide my different identity maximum suitable answer! i think of, yet i'm not sure, I did this as quickly as to work out if it may artwork. yet I easily have by no ability accomplished it lower back. I answer to this present day on 3, sometimes 4 distinctive identity's, yet each a sort of identity's has scored its own reward. in spite of the shown fact that, having reported all that, I easily have form of cheated in a single way. whilst a query is going into vote casting, you may vote to your guy or woman answer. and that i've got voted for around 0.5% of all my perfect solutions! So, to reply to your question, No i do no longer cheat human beings on ya. yet I do at times bolster my score via vote casting for my very own answer.
2016-10-01 12:46:48 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person's action says more about them than their words. You are not acting like your husbands equal, but as the inferior to your husbands lovers.
There is not more attractive than confidence. So get some.
2007-08-06 11:08:58 · answer #8 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do. You need to accept the truth: your husband is a loser. It's the cold hard fact. You obviously don't need him financially, take the kid and leave. You don't deserve that crap from someone who disrespects you and the marriage in that way.
2007-08-06 09:44:45 · answer #9 · answered by Workcompguru31 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SERIOULSY??? You are a asmart girl why are you letting him treat you like that. So you can support a dirt bag who cheats on you, in your face? While your pregnant w/his child?? Sadly you deserve what u get b/c you allow him to treat you like shlt !!! Stand up for yourself kick him out, god knows you can support yourself and don't need him!! Wow i just re read your qwuestion again and you are one sad chick who makes the rest of us look bad.
2007-08-06 08:28:47 · answer #10 · answered by NY Yanks Girrl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋