My wife wants to go out AGAIN with her girlfriends. Should I be worrie?

Question

I'm 28 and she is 21, I let her go out last weekend because you know, she hasn't gone out and now we're marrie with a 2yr old girl, and I used to go out when I was her aged now I can't because of my job, and now it looks like she liked going to the bar and she wants to go out again. Is this the beginning of the end, or should I be more strict and tell her no that she's marrie and she doesn't have business anywhere else.
Worrie man.

I'm just concern that this is going to become a routine and she is going to want to start going all the time.

Answer 1

first off, you cant tell her what to do and not to do, but let her know how you feel. if her head is right, and she knows what she wants, then you will be fine. tell her dont make it a habit though. it is okay to go out once in a while, but not every weekend. if she decides, she wants to party and leave to good life, then you will have to let her go. her lost not yours, it may sound harsh, but tell her how you feel. bd

Answer 2

Firstly, you don't own her, so you can't tell her that she can't go out. Doing so will only make her angry, and she'll start doing things behind your back.

Secondly, this is often the problem in relationships where one person is this young. Many people haven't lived life by the time their 21, and frankly, in the US (I'm assuming that's where you are), she's only just of age to get into a bar.

Thirdly, age shouldn't make a difference, but maturity does. Getting married young isn't the problem; your emotional maturity at that point is the issue.

Fourthly, she's a married woman with a child at home. Therefore, her priorities should be at home. However, all people need time to themselves away from the kids and the spouse, no matter what their age. As long as she's not doing this every weekend, but limiting it to only once or twice a month, and she never crosses any boundaries in the relationship, then there shouldn't be a problem. You never said if your wife is untrustworthy or not, so I'm assuming she is. Because if she's not, then that's a whole other set of problems.

Fifthly, how about getting a babysitter and going out for one of those nights with her? You both need time together away from your daughter as well.

Sixthly, the most important thing to do right now is talk to your wife. Let her know how you feel, and see what she has to say.

Answer 3

You need to tell your wife that she made the choice to get married and have a child that it is her responsibilty to stay at home and take of the child and to spend time with her husband. Tell her when she married the single wild life comes to an end that no matter the age she is she must become a responsible role model parent. You also have to come off not controlling though if she is a stay at home mom and she takes care of the house and the kid all week then she really deserves a night out just to have a break. Really though get a babysitter and tag along with her you should always try to do things as a couple if this continues the marriage may not last long?.

Answer 4

Well if you used to do it when you were her age, why do you think you have the right to tell her she can't? She has plenty of business and right to go somewhere else, just b/c she's a mom doesn't mean she needs to be locked up 24/7. She probably did like going to the bar, everyone needs some time away and some space, it doesn't mean she's going to leave you or that it's the beginning of the end, it's human nature. You'll be better off in the end giving her some freedom to go out if she wants, the minute you restrict her and tell her she can't that's when you will have problem.

Answer 5

I don't think you should be worried. There is nothing wrong with her wanting to hang out with some friends. It would be the beginning of the end if my husband told me he wouldn't "allow" me to go out or that I dont "have business" anywhere else.
However, if she is neglecting the child, spending too much money, or letting this interfere with the marriage or causing any other trouble, then you definitely need to talk to her about it. Wanting to forbid her from seeking a social life outside the home might indicate that you two might have some trust issues.

Answer 6

I think you shouldn't be too worried. She will be happier if she can get out of the house and have some fun. Of course, I don't know you or your wife, and there might be something to worry about. But, the bond of a child it pretty strong and I doubt she will do anything to destroy that (and if she does, you are better off knowing that now).

My suggestion is to get a babysitter and for the two if you to have fun together a couple times a month. This will allay your fears about her getting up to no good without you around.

Answer 7

Speaking as a 32 year old, newly married woman, I say you need to give her some time with her friends. If you love and trust her, you have no reason to be concerned. If you have reason to doubt her, you should discuss it with her. Please understand that she had a child married young...she did not get to experience what you did at her age. Try to be considerate of that and give her some space. I'm not saying she should go out ALL the time, but allow her a chance to share in your early adulthood experiences. In the long run, it will give you something to share later on!

Answer 8

I'd be a bit concerned but it's not the end of your marriage. You have to make the time to do things together, she sounds bored and lonely and going out makes her happy. If the job is preventing you from having quality, fun time together I'd consider finding one that does (money is not everything)..
You can be strict all you want but it will never work, you'll just promote cheating not prevent it.

Answer 9

well either way it is going to cause trouble if she was going shopping or to a movie that would be one thing but going to bars where there is other guys it will end up causing problems take it from someone who knows.....it has been said again and again i love my spouse and we can handle this going out separate but it never fails after a while one or the other ends up in bed with someone else ask anyone that is married or divorced that has had this happen...more times than not one will cheat. so if you open to this let her keep going...but just tell her to bring the guy to your house so you can join in cause it will happen just as well have fun with it while she is having fun herself. if you think anything of your marriage put you foot down now...but remember this to when you want to go out with the guys also...party life or married life pick one and stick to it.

Answer 10

Figure it out sooner than later because if it takes you too long it won't be good... You don't "let" her do anything you may be married but she is still her own person. You have to learn to take the good with the bad it's called compromise. Keeping that in mind she should be willing to negotiate a little to put you at ease.

Good luck, I struggled like mad for about a decade before I understood that.

Answer 11

That is awful. Let your wife have some fun. You are not her father and you should not be able to tell her if she can or cannot do something. I am married and just recently turned 21 and my husband doesn't drink, but he still offers to go to the bar with me. And he doesn't mind if I go out with friends.